Hard to Say Goodbye

It's been a rough 24 hours around here. Our plans for a fun day out and about were replaced by an unplanned trip to the local Humane Society. Did you know that spiteful non-litterbox peeing is behavioral and once it starts is nearly impossible to stop? It took me the better part of 8 years to come to that realization and to finally act on the decision that Scott and I had made at least twice a year for at least the past four years.

So I sobbed in the shower, sobbed after the shower, sobbed as I sat in the bathroom with Kilo, brushing him and scratching his head while he sat on my lap and purred, sobbed when I had to man-handle him into the cat carrier, sobbed when I let Elphie in to say goodbye, sobbed in the car the whole way there, sobbed while I waited in the car for Scott, sobbed the whole way home, and sobbed for a while after that.

It took me a while to realize that no matter what happens now, we gave him a good home and we loved him. Milo and Elphie loved him. And even if he's not here with us, he'll always be a part of this family. He's peppered throughout the photo albums, this blog, and the one before it. I just hope that in time the guilt and anger I feel now will fade and I can focus on the happy memories like the ones below...

And here's one more. I took it Friday night, before we knew that would be his last night here. He was howling at the glass door, and when I went to investigate I saw he and the neighbor cat were having quite a conversation. They could be (fun house) mirror images of eachother.

Truthfully, I didn't think I'd miss him at all. But the house seems a little too quiet now. I hope he's ok, and I hope he forgives me for giving up on him. It really was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.