Empty Nest

I finished with my trainee on Friday night. Yay! At least we made it all the way through training without her just not showing up for work anymore. She's really good. The Boss likes her (hopefully not as much as me... I have favoritism issues...). And most importantly, she's a competent person who will be spending 24 hours a week making phone calls. That's bound to be a big help.

But now that I'm done juggling (remember, she started during the busiest two weeks of the year), I find myself looking around thinking, "what have I missed?" because I'm not doing three things at once anymore. And I miss having someone in the office with me. I just couldn't believe how quiet it was in there last night.

Alas, it will probably take me some time to adjust to the slower pace. But for now we have these "Standards of Business Conduct" online courses to take before the end of February. They are annual refreshers, spiced up with new graphics every year. I've already taken the harassment (lesson: wet t-shirt contests, and discussion thereof, are not appropriate in an office setting) and e-mail (lesson: don't e-mail crude jokes to your entire company) courses. How thrilling!

And of course, today is my FRIDAY!!! And I'm not even working any overtime this week. But between my dentist appointment tomorrow (crown for that kick-@$$ root canal) and Scott's dentist appointment on Wednesday, it's not going to feel like much of a weekend. Oh well, at least it's three days away from work.

Overheard...

Overheard on JoJo's Circus:

We're going to show you some things to do with your body that will make you feel good.

I had to change the channel before I saw the cartoon lion doing something naughty!

Fun With Cats

You know, a title like that should really come with photos. Sadly, this just happened and there was no time for a photo.

I came out into the living room to an empty cat food bowl, which means two unhappy cats. Usually Kilo does that walk-directly-under-my-feet-until-I-accidentally-kick-him routine, but this morning both cats were in on it. And rather than walk under me, they both walked side-by-side about 3 feet in front of me all the way through the kitchen (yep... all 10 feet of it!). I looked down and it was as if I had a feline security escort, or maybe my cats wanted to enter a dog sled race. As soon as they guided me to the pantry, they turned around and walked back to the bowl, side-by-side. My little sentries!

Anyway, it amused me. Now I'm going to go finish my cereal.

JURY DUTY!?!?!?

That's it - I am no longer acknowledging the mail. Why? Because every now and then the mail throws a real dandy at you - like a jury summons!

Apparently I am destined to be one of those "lucky" people. Ask Scott how many time's HE has had jury duty. Yep - never. And certainly not twice in four years.

I had Jury Duty the summer before my wedding. I sat around for one full day getting my happy @$$ hauled from one waiting room to another, and then was assigned to a trial that took place two days later. As an alternate. So not only did I have to drive all the way back to Tavares two days later, I had to spend the entire day in an uncomfortable chair listening to some loser white trash woman complain about the loser white trash man she couldn't decide whether or not to have a restraining order against (she kept canceling it and then changing her mind). And then the judge released me and sent me home. Before the deliberation. I never found out how the case ended.

Honestly, my jury pool is in February, and there's a chance I won't even have to go. And even if I do, it's not the worst way to spend a day. I believe in the criminal justice system at least as much as I believe in the legislative system. Still, opening an envelope that says I have to be in Tavares at 7:45 am on my regular day off makes me a little cranky.

You probably haven't heard the last of this from me. But I'll try to not whine too much.

(btw, the weird font is because I'm e-mailing this in. blogger is down for maintenance)

Julia Child I Am Not

We had to go to Target today to get bedding for ZoePig's cage, and since we were there, we decided to do the small amount of shopping we needed. $100+ later, we left the store with all sorts of strange and interesting dishes to spice up our daily eating.

On the way home, I decided that we should have fish with lemon-spinach couscous (out of a box) and steamed asparagus. Sadly, the fish that we bought was beer battered cod - better with tater tots than couscous. So we went to plan b - chicken.

I went online to find a chicken recipe with a sauce that only required ingredients we had in the house. So I found this one for spinach chicken (note: not my typos):

1 Onion; Chopped
2 Cloves Garlic; Minced
1 pack Spinach - Washed; (10 Oz)
1 teaspoon Lemon Rind; Grated
1 teaspoon Dried Mint Flakes
4 Chicken Breast; Skinless
¼ cup Old Cheddar Cheese; Grated
1 can Cream Of Chicken Soup

Saute onion and garlic in lightly olied skillet - 5 minutes Stir in spinach, lemon rind and mint, cook 2 minutes covered. Slice shicken lengthwise (not all the way through) starting at the thick side. Stuff each breast with 1 Tbsp. cheese Nestle chicken into spinach mixture with soup. Simmer covered 20 to 25 minutes.

Ooh! Stuffed chicken! But this recipe wasn't quite right for our ingredients. And if you're going to go to the trouble of stuffing chicken, why would you just stuff it with cheese? So I made my own:

1 pack frozen spinach, nuked for about 4 minutes
1 generous sprinkle of garlic powder
1 slightly less generous sprinkle of onion powder
4 cranks of fresh-cracked pepper
1/4 cup grated cheddar cheese
5 chicken breasts
1 can cream of chicken and herb soup (because that's what we had)
a couple splashes of milk
some salt

So I mixed the first 5 ingredients and had Scott stuff a little wad of it (1-2 tablespoons) into the chicken that he had already sliced (you know... because I don't touch raw chicken) and then sprinkle some salt on the tops of the chicken breasts. We mixed the remaining spinach mixture into the soup and milk at the bottom of a baking dish, "nestled" the chicken into it, covered with tinfoil...

And now it's baking at 375. I must say, the spinach stuffing was quite tasty before we stuffed the chicken. I have pretty high expectations for it. And we're still serving the couscous and asparagus. If nothing else, it will be a well-balanced meal. And it'll definitely be something we haven't had before!

TV

American Idol Season Five starts tonight. I've decided not to watch. As it turns out, I went through the first two seasons without ever watching an episode. And I think it's best for me to return to that simpler time. Chris Daughtry's loss last year just broke my heart, and I think that maybe web sites like votefortheworst.com are really having an impact. Besides, that's two nights a week I'll have to do other things.

Speaking of TV, I watched the Golden Globes last night. It was a big night for big girls. Jennifer Hudson (of A.I. Season 3) and America Ferrera both won Globes, plus Ugly Betty won best comedy series. That was pretty cool - Betty and Grey's Anatomy (which won best drama) run back-to-back on ABC on Thursdays and are the cause of my sleep deprivation Friday mornings (I tape them and watch both at 11:30 after I get home from work at watch The Daily Show).

And that's all I have to say about TV for right now. I have decided to finish the 2006 scrapbook-o-cruises tonight. Wish me luck!

Lunch with Friends

So... yeah... it's nice to get together with long-lost friends. I can't believe I haven't seen Matthew and Kristin since our Hoop Dee Doo outing last March for my birthday. Anyway, we hooked up for lunch at the Yacht Club Galley (mmm...New England clam chowder...) and dessert at Beaches 'n Cream (mmm...frozen sunshine...). And we also spent lots of time just chatting. It's good to catch up. Really good.

Also today, I stopped by Scott's office and freeloaded some cantaloupe. I went to Publix and bought ONLY the two things I went in there for (cat food and deodorant... and coincidentally, I found a deodorant named after one of my cats!). And then I came home and checked my e-mail.

Scott started work at noon today, which means he should be home by 9. That will be especially pleasant since he didn't get home until after 2 this morning.

And if anyone was wondering how bird-sitting went, it was fine. Of course, the bird tried to groom the freckles off my neck on Sunday morning. But other than that, it was a pleasure. I would also like to point out that the entire time I was babysitting for the Rugrat Trio, the only time the phone rang was when their parents were going to be late coming home, or if the baby was sick. Cat was separated from the bird for less than 48 hours, during which time my phone rang FOUR TIMES. "How is the bird?" "How was her water dish? Cloudy? Green?" "Have you checked on the bird yet today?" (that last one came in at 9:30 am) Really. I'm not making this crap up. I ended up actually turning my phone off yesterday at work because I didn't think it was ever going to stop ringing!

Tomorrow's agenda includes a 2-hour work meeting (please don't let anything blow up in my face...). Scott wants to go see Casino Royale. We'll see how that one plays out. I can probably be bribed with some mac n cheese from Puck's.

Fun with Google

I can hardly remember a time when Google didn't exist. OK, sure I can. I'm pretty sure I didn't even discover the site until 1999 or 2000. Still, Google has the amazing ability to brighten any day with a variety of games.

The "How Did I Die?" Game: By typing "[your name] died" into the Google search engine, you can find out how you died. For example, "Jamie... is a pop star and former member of boy band Boy*d Upp. He died in a helicopter crash." That's funny!

Of course, you can also Google Stalk people you used to know. Google Image Search is especially good for that. For example, I have no idea who the guy is who owns this site, but I do know the person in the second picture. The one in the blue shirt with the buttons. Yeah, he was my first boyfriend. Of course, we were in the sixth grade and we played trumpet together in band. We never kissed, and I don't even think we held hands... but that's beside the point. I haven't seen him since 7th grade when he moved to Virginia. Good to see he finally grew some shoulders! (btw, anyone want to guess whether he gets the distinction of being yet another one of my gay ex-boyfriends?)

And when you run out of people to stalk, you can always do a vanity search. But don't do this unless you're prepared to find out what's out there. What does that mean? Well take a look at this e-mail I got today. It refers to this fake page I made one night at work to torment Matthew.

Hi,I'm hoping you can delete or edit a page from your GeoCities site. My name is listed on the fake OCSO page - I assume created in support of a friend of yours since you seem to be from the area.My charges were dropped by Orange County before I had a chance to defend myself in court, but not until after I had to suffer the humiliation of having my face posted on their web site.

The details of the case are a matter of public record, however if I 'google' my name, the arrest information still pulls up on your site (I've attached a screen shot). I'm sure your friend's situation has been resolved by now.

Again, I appreciate your assistance. Thanks,

So I have to say I feel a tiny bit bad about this. I mean, here I am trying to slander a friend (that page was one of the best practical jokes EVER... especially when it had all the pictures of druggies and hookers filled in like this page) and I end up slandering someone I don't even know!

Of course, I don't want to cause anyone any more pain and suffering than they already experienced by soliciting a cop (reportedly). I'm never intentionally cruel. Now the problem is that I have no idea what the heck the password is to that geocities account. I tried to reset my password, but I also don't know what zip code I used to register (including college, I have resided in 7 zip codes since I started that page). And I tried so many passwords that I locked myself out!

So I'll have to update this story as it develops. In the meantime, I am still laughing about it. Ahh Google... how you amuse me!

Today

Hi! Today, I believe, is going to be a great day.

Yesterday, I found a hole in a bra I've only had for about a month. I thought it was an omen and I should stay home from work. Scott convinced me to go. Then when I got to work, I found that there was a little bit of water in the green beans in my lunch, which had leaked out of the gladware and puddled bean/meat juice on the passenger seat of my car. By that time, Scott agreed that I should just turn around and go home. It turns out the night wasn't as bad as all that. But we did have some setbacks.

But like I said, today is going to be a great day. The restaurant is closed for a private function that doesn't start until 7. Of course there's almost 70 guests, and I have to have their menus ready by 6:30 so they can be arranged by table. But I'm still going in 2 hours late. And I'm still going to be productive.

Before work, I'm going to hang out with Cat's bird. She and Mike are someplace else this weekend for a wedding, and I am going to visit the Nameless Baby and shred some greens, some carrot, and some broccoli for him/her, change his/her water, and give him/her some seeds. I shall do all of this while the bird sits on my shoulder (or Scott's) and poops on me (or Scott). I also need to feed the fish and check on the rats. The dog is at the kennel.

I know what you're thinking: "What? They have rats? What kind of freak petshop are they living in???" Well they have a burmese python (yep...a snake too) who a few weeks ago wasn't hungry when they brought the rat home for her. So they threw the rat in an old aquarium, gave it some wood shavings, food and water. The next week when Mike wanted to feed the snake, Cat made him go to the store for another one. Apparently once you feed an animal (even a rat) and give it a name, it becomes a pet. So they got yet another rat and the snake STILL wasn't hungry. So now there's 2 "pet" rats, 1 fish, 1 dog, 1 snake, and 1 bird.

Of course, all of their pets combined don't make the mess that my 2 cats and 1 piggie make. So I will just have to keep my mouth shut.

BIG things

Scalzi's Monday Photo Shoot: Take a picture of something that's larger than life. From statues to stuffed animals, snap a shot of something super-sized.

I wish that I had my camera with me on our little voyage to Sarasota on Tuesday. Not only did we pass Dinosaur World on I-4, we also passed a giant ice cream cone, a big blue gorilla, and some other ridiculous creations. Alas, I shall have to go all the way back to my December 2006 archives for photos (surprise!) from the cruise - Scott feeding a giant jack rabbit and me applying giant lipstick.

Enjoy!

ILLogic

First, AIDA was even better than I had imagined. I had a little qualm with the costuming and props (much like taking a Shakespeare play and dropping into L.A., I don't think that blue jeans and AK-47s really meshed well with Egypt), but was completely blown away by the performance. I cried through the second half of Act II. And the curtain calls. And in the car. Oh, and the music... it was superb. And our seats were third row dead center, which means we had a great view of Radames' spitting problem. (tee hee) There's a montage on the website that really emphasizes everything I loved (and hated) about the show.

So since we were going all the way down to Sarasota for a 2 pm show, I looked at the map and decided it wouldn't be more than a half hour out of our way to take a different route home and hit our favorite Brooksville eatery for dinner. Riiiight. I need to learn to look at mileage next time such a whim strikes me! Take a look at a map of today's voyage:


special thanks to Google maps

The magenta shows our route down - 27 to 4 to 75 to a bunch of dinky roads in Sarasota. It took about 2 hours to get there. The aqua shows our route home - dinky roads to 75 to 50 to Johnny Carino's to 50 to 27. My "logic" and partial justification for going to Brooksville for a meal was that we'd hit Lakeland at rush hour if we took I-4 home. What I failed to account for was that we would instead hit Tampa rush hour on I-75. oops! It took 2 hours for us to get from the theater to the restaurant! And poor Scott was worn out from all that driving and sitting (and crying).

I still think that dinner was worth it - we split an order of Prince Edward Island mussels, and added to the bread and salad, I barely ate 5 bites of my baked tortelloni (dinner for tomorrow! yay!).

And now I'm in a carb coma. Please excuse my while I try to stay awake through The Daily Show.

Mis-Adventures

Today was to have been the middle of my three-day weekend - a day to sit on the couch and watch TV, a day to get housework done, and then a day trip to Sarasota to see AIDA. I was actually thinking of how great and refreshing it would be to work a mere 40 hours.

...then one of the part-timers got sick.

So I went in to work this afternoon. So much for the housework day! I got lucky and was able to escape in 6.5 hours, getting home in time for a late dinner of baked chicken and asparagus.

...then Scott got off late.

So I decided to make cheese sauce and we were going to have all veggies for dinner.

...then the asparagus turned out to already be rotten.

So we made "fondue" with cheese sauce, broccoli, and triscuits. Hey man, that's about the healthiest dinner I've had in a week! Bonus: I made an entire batch of cheese sauce, and now 1/2 of it is in the fridge awaiting use as a tasty spread on even more triscuits.

In other news, Scott and I each recently acquired a pack of Bloonies. Randomness, thy name is Christmas! Somehow, my childhood didn't include Bloonies. That might, perhaps, explain my great burning desire to create bubble sculptures and then squish them together and pop them like bubble wrap.

Of course, eventually my inner mad scientist kicked in and I decided to perform a little experiment: How long will a bubble sculpture last if I'm not poking at the bubbles?

To avoid temptation, I needed to put the sculpture out of my field of vision during the aforementioned sit-on-the-couch day. So I stuck it to the bathroom mirror:

It was great! I have a pretty short attention span, so every time I went into the bathroom it was like a little surprise party for me. And then Scott came home from work and he had forgotten about the bubbles too!

But alas, this evening (the sculpture had been on its mount for about 30 hours) we decided that the experiment was over. (Solution: The sculpture will last longer than I am willing to wait to form a theory) It turns out that the plastic goo the Bloonies are made out of is part shrink wrap and part super glue. I have taken multiple passes at scrubbing the remaining plastic off the mirror, but it just won't budge.

This is possibly not funny. I mean, it was funny when I peeled about half of each bubble off the mirror and the other half remained behind. It was funny when I realized you couldn't just peel the stuff off like sunburned skin. And I'm still laughing at the fact that the glass wipes barely scratched off the surface. I just worry that it might not be funny when we move out and lose valuable deposit money.

Until then, I choose to laugh. What else is there to do?

After School Special?

I only hope they are showing this to the little spiders in classrooms at an early enough age!




(thanks, Scott, for the link)

Yeah...Right!

This requires no commentary whatsoever:

http://www.myheritage.com

http://www.myheritage.com

Photo Happy

And now for something completely different. Boy, the smell of those baking brownies must have induced euphoria! I know that my first few posts of the year have skewed toward the negative, so I decided to throw some happy into the blog! And what could be happier than focused pictures of my babies???

This is my first picture of 2007. ZoePig braves the world outside her rainbow cave for a few carrots. Yes, her cage does need a cleaning. Thank you for noticing!

Milo proves that even supermodel kitties have an "ugly moment" or two! This picture would have been great if a) I had taken it a second before when he was in mid-roll and b) if I had not snapped it from the "look at the remains of my feline gonads" vantage point. For some reason, he reminds me of road kill in this picture. Perhaps it's the vacant stare...

Thank you for indulging my inner mommy for a moment there.

Progress?

Well, I think the Boss came up with a good idea: a daily checklist for everyone in the office to complete. Of course, the conversation went something along these lines:

Him: Do you have a checklist?
Me: (working on something else because I assume he's talking to Number Two)
Him: Jamie?
Me: Checklist? Me? We? Umm... no... we don't have a checklist.
Him: Why don't you make one?

LOL... so his response to me saying I'm terribly burned out is to give me another project! Of course, his justification was that I know the job better than he does (problematic? possibly... but not for me!). And I managed to pop out a checklist, broken down by time of day you work, within 2 hours. Luckily for me, GT is getting to the point where I can give her a project and she works independently for a while, so I had a little free time.

Scott's first reaction to this news was wondering whether he'll actually hold us accountable for what we do or don't check - I believe the term he used was falsification of documents. And frankly, right now I don't care. Having our duties in writing can only be a good thing for all of us. It also impressed me that the Boss added just two things to my checklist: a line for number of outgoing confirmation calls made (my biggest pet peeve with the others), and a signature line. The latter leads me to believe that perhaps we will be held accountable.

So I guess it's safe to say that I had a pretty decent day. And for now, I can be content with the knowledge that my concerns have been addressed, that our office is fully staffed (for the first time since I've been there), and that I actually have my three days off next week.

(oh yes, and the smell of brownies wafting from the fridge? that makes me happy too. thanks, Scott!)

Not "Almost" This Time

One of my favorite Jamie-isms is, "I got so mad I almost said something." That one sentence really shows a lot of my character. Although I seem it superficially, I am really not outspoken when it comes to dealing with real problems. And ever since the week before Christmas when I actually cried out of work-related frustration, Scott has been imploring me to talk to the boss.

And really, I let it go on for another 3 weeks for one simple reason: I'm a chicken. I hate face-to-face confrontation. I don't want to look like a whiner or like I can't handle my job. Because I'm not and I can. And besides, I don't think he really likes confrontation either. And I worry that rather than asking the guilty party/parties to work harder, he'll just offer out more overtime to the over-worked secretary from downstairs. And her "help" ends up being a hindrance because she only half pays attention to what she's doing and I (of course) get the angry phone calls when we've ruined a surprise or didn't note an allergy or screwed something else up.

**deep breath**

Well at 1:30 this afternoon, after spending the first 90 minutes of my shift doing work that should have been done the night before and fuming, I decided to actually say something. I started an e-mail. Yeah, it's a bit of a cop-out. But this is not the kind of conversation I want to have in front of another member of the team (I still have GT for another two weeks). And he and I are never not busy at the same time. So among the three paragraphs I sent, I think I did an ok job conveying my point without coming off as a spoiled brat. Here's some choice sections:

I am really starting to feel put upon. I don't mind being the unofficial coordinator of the office. I like taking on special projects. And in some masochistic way, I even enjoy the stress of training. But I am getting increasingly irritated looking around me and seeing other people not doing half of the regular work that we should all be doing...

In addition, it is very frustrating for me to come in on Thursdays and consistently
spend at least the first hour of my shift doing work that should have been done the night before... But this is at least 4 out of 5 weeks.

Honestly, I don't know if I have been cleaning the mess quietly and that you're not aware, or if you just don't expect her to do as much work as I do. But it was 1:30 this afternoon before I was able to start making calls. The workload over the past two weeks has caused me to nearly crack a half dozen times. And I understand that by the beginning of February, when **** is back and GT is working on her own, my stress level will go down. But I still think it's unfair that I have not only my special projects to keep me occupied, but also the lion's share of the regular day to day responsibilities as well...

And of course, the Boss was in meetings all day today and won't be back until tomorrow. I've pushed him a little bit in the past on other things, and he generally seemed to not know that whatever was wrong, and agreed with me and fixed the problem. But I've never pushed this hard. And I'm a little worried that the response is going to be, "you're the full time person. make it work." But I have faith in him, and at the very least I believe that they (if not my direct boss, then certainly the Chefs) don't want to lose me more than they don't want to lose anyone else in the office. And I'm certainly not saying "she goes or I go." At this point I'm not even saying "she does her GD work or I go." But I might be saying that in another few months.

But I'm not seriously considering anything right now. I sent my e-mail. I got the angst off my chest. And I put the ball in his court. For now, all I can do is wait... and of course, do a damn fine job training GT (which, if I do say so myself, I am) while doing my work and the work of two other people at the same time.

I Heart New York!

Scalzi's Weekend Assignment this week asks us to talk about New York: New York -- America's largest and most important city. What are your thoughts about it? We're not all from New York, of course, but the city looms large in our collective consciousness. It's that whole "if you can make it there" thing. So share some of your thoughts about New York, whether it's an opinion about the city, a memory of a visit there, a screed on why you hate it and everything it stands for (if you're a Red Sox fan) -- anything, as long as New York, New York is the subject.

I have been to New York City probably about 10 times in my life. Twice were for high school journalism events at Columbia. I've seen 5 Broadway musicals, plus the Radio City Christmas Show. I went to the Museum of Natural History for an afternoon with an ex and his family. I even braved a train ride from South Jersey to Long Island with a stop at Grand Central all by myself when I was 18.

Hands-down, my two favorite things about NYC are Broadway and Central Park. Oh, and food - from pizza to bagels to Chinese, you just can't beat New York. I also think it's worth mentioning that at no point in any visit did I ever feel unsafe (except in the car with Evan's dad driving... that was pretty terrifying). And I think that's saying something for either a) my touristy rose-colored glasses, or b) the spirit of the city. Even in the subway, which smelled like pee, I didn't fear for my life.

And though I haven't returned to the city since '99, I plan to go back some day. How could I not? It's like the greatest city ever!!!

Extra Credit: New York Yankees: Love em or hate em? Completely indifferent. The Giants, however, have been on my poo-list ever since 7th grade when my English teacher had a huge Giants banner hanging over one wall of the classroom.

Happy New Year!

So... umm... I was trying to come up with this great post topic, because it's the first one of the year and might be a sign of things to come, but then I realized that I was putting pressure on myself for no reason. So here's a few paragraphs of what's been going on:

I read a book on Monday. Yep, 300+ pages of Hannibal Rising. I was underwhelmed. I kept reading and reading waiting to get to the point in the story where my heart would race. And it just never did. Even in Hannibal (the third Lecter book), which was about 200 pages too long, the story was thrilling. This one was flat and, in my opinion, uninspired. Sure, I found parts interesting. And I'll probably even see the movie when it comes out. But I have to agree with the Amazon.com readers who gave the book a mere 2 1/2 stars out of 5.

On Tuesday, Scott and I went to the movies. We saw Night at the Museum. It was everything I've come to expect from a Ben Stiller movie, including Owen Wilson. This was a very enjoyable popcorn flick that didn't try to be anything else. And I think we probably learned a little about history. I give the movie JJJJ out of JJJJJ, and I'll let you know after I've seen it a dozen more times whether I liked it or Zoolander better.

Today was my first shift of the new year. Please don't let it be a sign of things to come. By the time I finished reading my e-mail before my shift started, I was fed up. I really really need to have some face-to-face time with my manager when no one else is around so that I can find out if I really am the only one expected to do their job. It certainly feels that way. I am really making a concerted effort to not talk badly about my co-workers in front of GT (girl trainee. c'mon - it hasn't been THAT long!), but today I snowplowed right over my mental stop sign. I tried to stop, but I am so gall-dang frustrated with a certain co-worker's blatant disregard for the operation that I would love to spend a week doing exactly what she does just to see what happens to the entire restaurant. My guess: it wouldn't be pretty. My other guess: I'D get fired for it!

Scott and I also went over to Cat and Mike's house to meet their bird. They are going out of town for the weekend some time soon and I got roped into stopping by before work to feed and water him/her (it's a baby of unknown gender...he/she doesn't even have a name). I left there wanting a bird. This bird will just sit on your shoulder forever and groom you. You can walk around, or read a book, or watch TV and the bird just chills up there. Of course, if I had a bird it would probably end up just like ZoePig - afraid of people and not wanting to be touched. And I certainly am not in the market for a bird with my two killer watch cats keeping things safe!

Oh - and what's that in the middle of the living room floor? It's a Magic Bullet! My favorite infomercial now lives in my apartment!! I can't wait to make salsa and chicken salad and pesto and alfredo sauce and omelets and so much more with one simple machine! I have to say, this could be the coolest Christmas present I have not asked for and gotten since the year I got a DVD player from my dad and WSM (wicked step-mother... do I need to make a glossary for you???) (and yes, that was back when she was just the chick who was shacking up with my dad). Thank you, ShirleyMom!!!

Well, that's enough randomness for this entry. Stay tuned for my plea to womankind, coming some time in the next few days, and please keep checking in on my budget progress. So far: I have thought about making a budget. Not quite what I had hoped to have accomplished by this point!

That's It!

I am home from my last shift of 2006. (Dear Lord, please let my first shift of 2007 go more smoothly!!)

Scott is on his way home. (his manager was nice enough to let him leave at 11:30 to get out before the drunks and the tourons)

I don't know if he's going to make it home by midnight, but there's a bottle of champagne in the fridge, and we'll just party like we're on central time if he misses midnight here.

Happy New Year!!!!

Feeling a Little Wicked

So... you may remember that two days ago, I vowed to get out of spend, spend, spend mode and shift gears into save, save, save mode.

Even before I made that ill-fated resolution (is it wrong to give up before the new year even starts?), Scott and I had already made plans to go see Wicked in Tampa for my birthday. In fact, one of my favorite Christmas presents was the Wicked soundtrack, which went into my CD player the next day and hasn't come out yet. (now ChristianMom, don't get all bent out of shape - it's just The Wizard of Oz from a different angle)

Yesterday, I was doing a little online news reading and I came across and article that Aida was playing for 2 nights only over in Melbourne. Aida is just about my favorite show of all time. Let me rephrase since I've never seen it: It's my favorite soundtrack of all time. In fact, in my last job one of the managers asked me to write a little bio about myself as a "who are the people in your neighborhood?" for the intranet site, and it started out with, "Jamie's dream job is to play Aida on Broadway, but since that's obviously not going to happen..." I was heartbroken that I wasn't going to be able to see it in Melbourne.

...until I went on the website for the tour and saw that they're playing a handful of smaller venues all around Florida the first two weeks of January. And I was able to get tickets for a Tuesday matinee (how strange - a matinee? on a Tuesday?) down in Sarasota IN TWO WEEKS! Not only that, but it must not be selling well. We got tickets in the 6th row dead center. I am over-the-moon excited.

Of course, Disney Theatricals sold the rights out, and it's been a little re-mastered by the current producers. For some reason, they've added modern costumes and some other weird touches. But for me, it's all about the music. There are a few clips on their website, and they sound good to me. Of course, no one could live up to Heather Headley. After all, she won a Tony for her performance.

So yes, I am feeling a little wicked about seeing two Broadway shows in one year. But it's been so long, and of all the shows on Earth, I can hardly think of two others I am just dying to see. And as for the money aspect? Well, we bought both sets of tickets in 2006, so I don't think we've technically broken the resolution.

70,000!

Frances made it to 70,000 miles two days ago and I missed it. I caught her at 70,018 yesterday when I got to work. You know, a year ago I thought she'd never make it this far. Having said that, I'll be completely shocked if she makes it to 80,000.

It's a Resolution Revolution!

OK, I lied. It's not a revolution. But that was such a snappy title I just couldn't resist! Ahh... champagne-induced genius! Anyway, what's with the talk of resolutions? Well you see, Scalzi's final Weekend Assignment of 2006 implored us, his minions, to make at least one resolution for 2007.

And I mulled it over. I have found that resolving to be physically fit never works. Of course, neither does sitting on the couch in front of the TV eating Triscuits and Easy Cheese. Sure, I'd like to buy clothes in the "normal" section of the store, but is all that sweating really worth it? (short answer: yes. but I resolve to not make a fitness-based resolution)

So I chose a resolution that's even less fun than running on a treadmill: fiscal responsibility. Seeing Scott's and my end-of-the-year pay stubs made me absolutely ill. We are making enough money to home owners. Sure, we have bad credit, but my cousin is a mortgage broker. That's got to be worth something! And so I resolve to sit at the computer, create a budget, and stick to it. While it's not likely that we'll be moving out of here in November of '07 and into a house, I hope to have half of a down-payment saved up so that we can move out of here in November of '08, into a house with grass and maybe even stairs. (the upside to waiting: the Central Florida housing market will have totally crashed by then and reasonable people will no longer be paying $200k+ for a 2 bedroom condo)

Other minor resolutions:
* I resolve to stop having champagne wishes and caviar dreams (or in my case, just champagne dreams)
* I resolve to get a hair cut SOON
* I resolve to wear shirts with sleeves, even to bed!

OK, I admit it, I popped this bottle open just so that I could take the picture and make some snappy "cut the champagne out of my budget" comment. But I'm too buzzed to figure out a place to put it. And it's a lie. Four bottles of champagne have come into my home this year, and we've only paid for one. This baby bottle was part of the gift basket our Sous Chef made me for Christmas. And I must say, it's rather tasty. Of course, it's not as tasty as the chocolate-covered popcorn or the Godiva cookies, but none of the munchies made me tipsy!

So that's my story. Check with me in three months to see how that down payment is progressing.

He's So Dreamy...

For the record, I think it's way to early to start seriously thinking about 2008. Well, maybe not for the politicians. But for me... I just have trouble wrapping my brain around something that far away.

Anyway, woo! I love John Edwards! May Mrs. Clinton not eat him alive.

You Might Call it a "Comedy" of Errors...

...but I don't think it's funny!

Really, why "comedy of errors?" Why not "avalanche of unfortunateness?" Why not, "list of reasons Jamie shouldn't have left the house this morning?"

So you want the story?

First, a little map of my local area:
The blue line represents my normal route to work. It's mostly one lane in each direction, double-yellow lines all the way, and a little out of the way, but the speed limit is 55 for most of it and there's minimal stop signs/traffic lights.
The red line represents the most direct route to work. It's a total of only 4 roads, but full of unpredictable tourist traffic and 12+ traffic lights.
The green line represents the road not taken. The section where this line is separate from the red is a new toll road, which costs $1 to literally drive less than 2 miles. It's a racket, and generally best avoided.

Now I'm ready to tell my story.

I was driving behind a slow truck at the beginning of my travels today. He was in the left lane going about 40 mph (speed limit: 55), but I didn't bother passing him on the right because I was about to turn left onto the back road. When I saw his turn signal pop on, I decided that I didn't want to go 40 all the way to work. Sure, I had plenty of time, but I just didn't feel like dealing with driving behind a slow guy for 20 minutes.

By the next traffic light along the red route, I realized my error. I was at the point of the day where the tourists are all out (really... 11 am... every day... for no apparent reason...) and traffic was sloooooow. I called Scott around 11:20 when I realized I might not make it to work on time. While talking on the phone and driving (you know - 5 mph), I fished around in my purse and found 4 quarters and decided to take the green route.

I had never taken this road before and was surprised how long it was before I ended back on the red route again. The green route saved me probably a half hour of traffic on 192, and I was back on track to make it to work on time.

...until I got onto World Drive and the world, quite frankly, stopped driving. My guess is they were rerouting traffic away from the Magic Kingdom, although I'm really not 100% sure that was the hold-up.

At 11:45, I text messaged Scott (because I had some free time and because talking to him would have only led me to yell at him out of frustration). What follows is the texts back and forth while I am driving less than a mile down the road: (keep in mind, I was supposed to be at work at noon)

(11:47) Me: F ing turnaround
(11:48) Him: Think you will make it in 15 minutes?
(11:50) Me: Sitting under bridge 1. Prolly not.
(11:51) Him: Wow...just not your day for traffic
(11:52) Me: Understatement
(12:02) Me: Ahoy! Toll plaza 100 feet ahead!
(12:03) Him: Holy Crap

I made it to work a mere 15 minutes late. And I was still in decent spirits. But the shift was rough. Things just continued to go this way for the rest of the night. I realized that waking up on the wrong side of the bed won't screw with my karma, but taking the wrong road to work sure will.

A Poem

This morning in the shower, this old poem popped into my head. I can't remember all of the real words, so I made some up. Can you spot the new sections?

Monday's Child is fair of face
Tuesday's Child is full of grace
Wednesday's Child is loving and giving
Thursday's Child works hard for a living
Friday's Child is lazy and drunk
Saturday's Child smells like a skunk
And the Child born on the Sabbath Day
is bonnie and bright and good and gay

Personally, I think the kids born early in the week are going to have a much better life than the ones born Thursday-Saturday! And I'm pretty sure there are some hard-core "Christians" out there claiming you can't be good and gay. But that's a debate I shan't stick my toe into, especially since I need to get ready for work anyway.

2006 in Non Sequitur

I just saw this meme over at Fluttering Butterflies, and it looked like it might be amusing:

Take the first sentence of the first post of every month this year on your blog and put them all together. So here you have it, 2006 in Non Sequitur:

Yesterday afternoon, I made myself some lunch, settled into the man chair and flipped on the TV. When I hadn't heard from the transmission guys by yesterday afternoon, I decided to go ahead and call them. Would it be completely obnoxious to throw in a "this time tomorrow..." post?

"April 1st: This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three-hundred and sixty-four." — Mark Twain

Scalzi's weekend assignment this week focuses on birds. I've been a fool for Ebay recently. I got an e-mail from an old work friend of mine advertising, "Sing-A-Long Mary Poppins -- the Disney classic that’s now an interactive movie experience! This morning at 8am, sign-ups opened for Candlelight. This morning at 5:40, I woke up to the world falling out from under me. I stumbled on something last night that made me laugh so hard that I made Scott stop watching TV to read it. I learned today that November is National Blog Post Month, or NaBloPoMo. For those of you in Central Florida, don't forget that Magic 107.7 is now running Christmas music non-stop... except for their frequent chat breaks and commercial breaks.

Santa Baby?

Conversation between me and Scott last night upon his reading my last blog entry:

Scott: Santa? Santa had NOTHING to do with that camera. That was all me.
Me: Umm... honey? I'm not a kid anymore. To me, you ARE Santa.
Scott: (indignantly) I am NOT jolly.

That was the biggest laugh I had all day. And you know what? It's true. He's not jolly. He also doesn't wear red, has no facial hair, isn't 1,000 years old, and his belly doesn't shake like a bowl full of jelly. But I love that he thinks the biggest difference between himself and Santa is their state of mind.

Ho ho ho

Christmas Booty (nope...no @$$ pictures here!)

Scalzi's Christmas Monday Photo Shoot: Take a picture of a present you've received during the holidays.

Just one present? How can I pick? How about a picture of the booty all piled up in the living room? I think I'll share:(yes, that is a silicone bundt pan filled with Christmas candy with a Santa PEZ dispenser stuck in the middle. I thought it made quite the festive candy bowl!)

And of course, is there anything Milo loves as much as Christmas wrap? I don't think so!
(For those of you on the ParkHopper Calendar subscription list, keep an eye out for this photo in December of 2008)

And here's the imaginary conversation going on in my head right now:

Internet: Why Jamie, how ever did you get such a clear picture of Milo indoors on a cloudy day?
Jamie: Why Internet, that would be thanks to the great new digital camera that Santa left me. And the cats chipped in to buy me a camera bag - which you can see in photo #1 - large enough to hold the camera and a picnic lunch. I'm ready to go on safari!
Internet: And what did the pets buy for Scott?
Jamie: Kilo bought him a bag of black socks, ZoePig bought him Spaceballs on DVD, and Milo bought him a Chia Herb Garden.
Internet: Really? Chia?
Jamie: Yeah, Milo is really into random unexpected gifts... especially ones that come in boxes and involve potential new plants for him to chew on! Of course, they all did better than I did. I bought him a video game that he already had (I should've known - it looked like the most violent one on the shelf - that's why I bought it!) along with some other things he didn't know he wanted!

Well, Internet, it was nice chatting with you. Merry Christmas. I'm off to check out the special features on my POTC: DMC DVD.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to all and
best wishes for a wonderful 2007

- from the ParkHopper family to yours

So This Is Christmas (Eve)

We never did manage to get our wreath hung up. In fact, I still haven't dug through the closet to find our stockings. Right now, the only holiday "decorations" visible are the rolls of wrapping paper in a box in the kitchen. There's also a bunch of red & white bags from Target on the floor of the living room.

I keep alternating between being totally ok with the lack of Holiday sparkle, depressed that there's no tree, and shocked that Christmas snuck up on us so quickly! There's still a handful of gifts that haven't been wrapped. One is even still in the trunk of my car. I still haven't done anything for my 4 bosses and two co-workers. And did I mention the lack of decorations?

I hit a rough patch at work tonight. I called Scott and cried about it. Then I talked to my manager about it. I managed to not cry. We're behind on calls going into the busiest two weeks of the year, which lead directly into the AAA rating season, which is bad. Of course. And I told him that our part timer who usually just does menus is going to have to make calls or I was going to have to work a 6th day. That was the point when I almost cracked - offering to work another day of work was almost enough to bring me to tears. That's a pretty good sign that actually working it wouldn't be such a good idea!

I'm exhausted. I think I'm going to forego my morning blog jog for an extra half hour of sleep. Then I can tackle this big work day and then come home and finish wrapping gifts.

Anyway, it's going to be a great Christmas. I can feel it. And I promise no more whiny posts until at least December 26.

SO Done

My shopping isn't complete. But I am done. I stopped at Wal Mart tonight on my way home to pick up one thing. I checked the three logical (to me) places store that I thought it might be.

Sidebar!
Further proof that Scott won't need to save me a seat in Heaven, because I'll be riding the Hell Bus: While walking past the toy section, I encountered 2 blue-vested wonders chatting. The man was telling the woman that his wife was admitted to the hospital this morning. Literally the first thought that popped into my head was, "is that why you forgot to put on deodorant?" I didn't WANT to think it. I wasn't going around looking for snark. It just happened. And I feel guilty about it. But the man really was ripe.

Anyway, after I checked the three logical places, I decided to swing through another department to see if they had another item that was out of stock the last time I was in. It wasn't. So I went up front and found yet another blue-vested wonder. I asked her if they had the first item I was looking for. She tried to send me to another department, and then I realized that she barely spoke english and she was sending me the wrong way. I tried again, using different words. She says they don't sell said item. I don't know if they do or not, but I was darn sick of trying.

So, nearly crying from frustration, I left Wal Mart, called Scott and proclaimed to him that I am DONE shopping and that he can have the remains of my Christmas budget in cash. But I lied about that. I'll let him pick what he wants and I will buy it. Cash is a cop-out. Sure, it's probably the best gift you can give someone. But it says, "I don't care enough about you to think too hard about your gift."

And speaking of gifts for people I don't care about, I apparently work in a small enough department that people all exchange gifts. Crap. I'm thinking about making mini loaves of banana bread. I only need to do 5 or 6, and I think that the people in Scott's office weren't faking when they ooh-ed and ahh-ed when I made a loaf for them. Does that sound like an acceptable gift?

Of course, this is going to require Scott to run to the store for bananas and eggs and mini loaf pans because, as we've already established, I am not going back into a store until January!

I Just Want to Hug Her!

Yep... that's what I said to the boss last night when he asked how Girl Trainee (who shall now be called GT) did on her first day. I actually had her DO some things. And she DID them. She's not working today, but when she comes back in on Friday, I am going to work with her for 2 hours and then set her loose with minimal supervision. That's the plan. We'll see how it pans out. She's not ready to work on her own, but I just don't have time to train her the way I would like.

Sadly, unless she turns out to be a REALLY quick study, we are going into AAA season desperately behind. Our other daytime part-timer is off until the second week of January. We won't be able to make calls this Sunday or Monday (darn those holidays), and our counts are so high it's really tough to make enough calls to begin with.

For this aspect of my job, I just have to accept that this is one of those "the darkest hour is just before dawn" situations. I am already working an extra day. There's not much else I can do, and not much else the others are willing to do. But GT is a quick study and she's actually trying. Plus, I am training her to do things exactly the way I like them done. She's going to be great!

Pardon Me...

...while I slip into a diabetic coma. In the store today, I made an impulse buy: a bag of Tollhouse chocolate-caramel chips. And I decided that I would make cookies. You know, actual cookies made with butter and sugar and eggs... not the ones that come pre-mixed that you just put on a baking sheet. These ones were made with love.

Unfortunately, I loved them a little too much. And now we have a counter full of cookies and I have a tummy ache. But oh WOW are they some tasty cookies!

Since I'm nearly comatose, I thought I would cop out and share some more cruise pictures - these are some of the long-awaited snorkel pics. Enjoy!

What you can barely see in this picture are the thousands of fish we blindly swam into. I had a little panic attack, realizing that we were vastly outnumbered, and if they all of a sudden decided to become people-vores that we'd be effed. Once the panic wore off, it was pretty incredible. Aside from two or three other people, we were the only ones out that far in the lagoon. I bet most people don't get the opportunity to get that close to a whole school.

Scott went down to shake hands with the Mickey statue. I, however, have a strict policy of keeping my snorkel above water.

Note to self: saying "cheese" for an underwater photo will only get water in my mouth. Even still, I really like this picture. You can even see a hint of panic in my eyes. Honestly, it does scare me, breathing through a straw. But I love it.

These certainly weren't the prettiest fish we saw, but they were definitely the closest. Please tell me I'm not the only one utterly fascinated by this.

Anyway, here's one more picture. This is the hammock we actually managed to claim on the adult beach. And this is me in said hammock, pretending to enjoy my tropical drink and not shiver. It was rainy and cold and windy, and those pants weren't nearly thick enough to keep me warm. But at least the weather looks a little better in the picture!

Still No Newsletter

I forgot to grab the disposable camera when I left on my exciting journey of oil changes and gift purchases. So perhaps we'll remember it tomorrow when Scott and I go out yet again to shop until I drop.

I do have the newsletter text written. I need to have my editor check it out for objectionable content and glaring omissions. I just haven't decided what pictures to include, and whether to put them in with the text (logical, but a pain in the @$$) or at the bottom of the page, or in slide show format.

Anyway, after my morning at Target, I came home and wrapped and wrapped and wrapped. The result? One measly box of gifts. There are five different wrapping papers visible in this photo, and one more you can't see. Obviously, the collection is red-heavy right now. We're going to have to stock up during the post-holiday clearance sales. We also need ribbon. (couldn't load up all of the boxes into the box with bows on all of them... that part comes on Christmas morning)

So anyway, that (along with ridiculous amounts of TV watching) is how I spent my day. I feel productive.

Blowing a Sneeze Out of Proportion

I admit it right up front. This bothers me more than I know it should. And yet still I am blogging about it. It's happened before and slid out of my mind, but this time it stuck and is festering.

When my boss sneezes in our office, there is a whole chorus of "bless you"s from everyone in the room. It's as if we have all united for a common goal: to wipe the nose of our lord and master (notice the lower-case letters. I'm not even implying that anyone believes the boss to be a deity).

Tonight, it was just me and Number Two (that's what we decided to call the junior manager, right?) in the office. I sneezed, and immediately after you could hear a friggin' pin drop.

This really bugs me. He's already established a precedent of acknowledging sneezes. But apparently I don't rank high enough to be blessed by him. What does that say?
* You aren't worth polite pleasantries
* I don't respect you
* I ignore your noisy interruption of my e-mail reading

I'm not saying that Number Two isn't a nice guy. He and I have some fun together. And he's even starting to understand when I can and can't drop what I'm doing to do something for him. But this really speaks to me about the kind of person he really is. There's a pretty popular school of thought that if you want to know what type of person someone is, watch how they treat their waiter... or anyone else of a lower rank. And I think he is focused upward instead of outward. It's probably going to burn him some day.

And besides, it's just plain rude to not acknowledge when someone sneezes. And now that I have gotten that off my chest, I am going to bed.

Holiday Newsletter

Scott and I have gotten two holiday newsletters this season - one from a friend with three kids, and one from a friend with... umm... an XBox. I love holiday newsletters. My cousin Jenny (yeah, I called her Jenny) has put out a great one ever since her first daughter was born. She's got a new infant now, so I'm not really sure if she's doing one this year (or if I have been bumped from the list for never sending out cards of my own).

Scott asked if maybe we should send out cards this year, but I don't think that's wise. Sending cards out this late only says to people, "you should have put me on your list." Besides, I'm lazy. Next year we'll send them out - on November 1. And we'll watch the number go WAY higher than the 4 or 5 we've gotten this year.

I do plan on doing a holiday newsletter and e-mailing it to everyone we care about. If I get my butt in gear and get our snorkeling pictures developed on Monday (yep... that's the hold-up), then I can slap it together on Tuesday.

Come to think about it, it's been a pretty eventful year, even without my dental escapades. Off the top of my head, I own my car, I have a new step dad (may he not be evil), 3 separate vacations, my new job, guinea pig, Lion King...

I think that might be enough.

Let There Be Prints

I bought myself this nifty photo printer a million years ago. Then it took a while to unpack the box. Then I couldn't find the power cord for a month. Then I didn't have time to deal with the whole set-up thing. Then I set it up, only to find that I had lost the software CD!

So yesterday in a short-lived fit of genius, I went on kodak.com and downloaded the software. I say short-lived because as the software was unzipping itself and installing on my computer, I grabbed the small box that I thought held my photo paper and found myself staring at the stinkin' CD!

And this morning I decided I MUST have prints. So now I have ten photos of our last cruise. And I'll have ten more when I unpack the box that the free bonus pack of paper and bonus print cartridge came in.

And now that I'm in business, I guess the best Christmas/Birthday/I Love You gift for years to come will be copious amounts of photo paper!

By the way, I was planning on going in to work early today and only staying a few hours. I still plan on only staying a few hours, but I'm obviously not going to get there earlier than noon!

Countdown

It occurred to me today that this is my fifth Christmas with Scott.

Five!

And this is our fourth married Christmas.

Four!

And so far I've only bought three presents for him.

Three?

Between now and Christmas, I have two days off.

Two?

I only have one of those days off by myself.

Shit.

Today I actually ended up home for most of the afternoon by myself. I decided that, although I would love to cough up phlegm on the jerks at wal mart, I just wasn't up for that kind of excitement. I'll do a whirlwind shopping tour on Monday, followed by a whirlwind of wrapping gifts.

And the wreath? It's still in the pantry. I haven't figured out how to light and hang it, since none of the places I wanted to hang it have a stud. And it's probably a little too heavy for drywall. Oh well, if all else fails, I can just rest it on the floor and give the cats a Merry Christmas.

...at least that will give me plenty of fodder for the 2008 calendar!

Golden Globe Nominations

The movie Borat was nominated for a Golden Globe. I'll admit that I didn't see the movie. And I can't think of any other comedies or musicals that got dissed. But I'm sure there was something! This has got to be the "what were they thinking?" nomination of the year.

Of course, the comedy actor nominations for this year really made me scratch my head: Sacha Baron Cohen, "Borat"; Johnny Depp, "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"; Aaron Eckhart, "Thank You for Smoking"; Chiwetel Ejiofor, "Kinky Boots"; Will Ferrell, "Stranger than Fiction" Kinky Boots? That's a real movie? I'm pulling for my boyfriend Johnny, of course.

On the TV side of the Globes, Ugly Betty was nominated for comedy series. Now I watch that show religiously, so I feel I'm qualified to say this: the show isn't very good. I love America Ferrera, and support completely that she was nominated for best actress. But the show itself is a knock-off of a telenovela, and has the cheesy night time soap opera thread running through.

And Studio 60 was completely overlooked. That show has some of the best writing on TV (aside from Gray's Anatomy... which did get nominated) and a terriffic ensemble cast.

Anyway, just thought I'd share my opinion. I'll be going back to my bagel now.

And What Did YOU Do Tonight?

We went to see The Lion King tonight in Orlando. Considering I've wanted to see the show since it opened on Broadway (and listened to the soundtrack a million times... up until it was stolen from my car last year), I walked in with some pretty high standards.

And I was completely blown away.

The only thing that really disappointed me was the behavior of the people immediately to my front, back, and left. Popular shows bring out people who don't know how to behave in a live theater setting. They talked every time there's wasn't a big ensemble dance number.

But the show was incredible. Here's a collage I picked off a website. The pictures don't really tell the story, but you get a pretty good feel for the visuals.
I'm practically speechless. And I'm really tired. So please consider the above worth more than the 1,000 words I'd be spitting out. I give the show JJJJj out of JJJJJ.

It's Beginning to Look...

...a lot like Christmas!

Scalzi's Monday Photo Shoot: Show off your Christmas tree and/or Menorah and/or other seasonally appropriate holiday centerpiece. So if you celebrate the Solstice or commemorate Kwanzaa, or, heck, just plain like them all, you're covered. We're focusing on this year's decorations, so recent pictures are preferred. But if you haven't gotten all set up yet, you can reach back in your archives.

We decided early in the season that since our vacation in the beginning of December was going to mean either a) leaving the cats alone with the tree, or b) only having the tree up for 3 weeks, that we would do a wreath instead. And I still haven't put it up. But that doesn't mean I don't have any holiday decoration photos to share! If there's one thing about the holidays I really look forward to, it's the Disney decorations. Sadly, I haven't gotten any photos in the parks yet this season. But we did see the holiday decorations at Vero Beach and the Disney Cruise Line decorations. Here are a few pictures from the past month:

Quote of the Day:

"We're not going to need the ice."

Allow me to put this quote into proper context:  There I am, sitting in the chair in the endodontist's office, where I had been for nearly 40 minutes before the nice man with the rubber gloves even walked in (What?  Rant?  Me?  Never!), and he wants to take a look at my tooth to see what's going on in there.  He taps on a few teeth with his mirror-on-a-stick, and then sticks his thumb in my mouth and starts pressing on my teeth.

NOTE: this one tooth has only been livable because I figured out how to avoid serious pain: no chewing on that side, no big smiles, no projectile spitting (which was a bit of an issue while snorkeling), and I even had to stop brushing the outside surface of that tooth (not such a big deal - it was all composite material anyway, and there's always Listerine).  With these precautions, I had scaled back to 2 or 3 doses of Motrin a day.

So this dentist straight out of Little Shop of Horrors pushes my bad tooth with his thumb.  I'm fairly confident that I levitated out of the chair at that moment.  And then I heard him say to the hygienist, "We're not going to need the ice."  Apparently he believed that I did, in fact, have a raw nerve.  And if he didn't believe me then, he would 30 seconds later when my eyes welled up with tears and I started sobbing - not "ouch that stung a bit" crying, but heaving, hyperventilating "youreallyhurtmemuthafucka" tears.  I was crying so hard I embarrassed myself.  So the nice man reclined my chair and pumped my mouth full of Novocain.  They decided that they'd squeeze me in for the root canal right then and there, so that I wouldn't have to drive all the way back to downtown Orlando (did I mention that that's the only place within 50 miles of my house that's covered by my darn dental HMO?) another time.

We moved to another treatment room, and then Doogie Howser, DDS came in and introduced himself to me.  And there, in the endodontist office, I had another "you know you're old when…" moments.  Yep, I'm fairly confident that I was older than my dentist.

And after 40 minutes of drilling, probing, stabbing, clamping, and filling, I was done.  The whole process was surprisingly non-traumatic.  Dr. Howser was very blunt - this is going to hurt for a while.  He's got me taking 3 Motrin every 6 hours, whether it hurts or not, until Friday.  He also wrote yet another prescription for vicodin, which I'm most likely not going to fill.  I still have more than half of the pills from last month's bout of mouth pain… and the stuff only makes me loopy.

I had a cookies & cream milkshake from Chic-Fil-A for lunch, and I have blended veggie soup and yogurt for dinner.  Since I haven't been chewing much on that side of my mouth anyway, I figure I should be able to eat solids again tomorrow.  I certainly hope so, because there's taco casserole in the fridge with my name on it!

By the way, this little episode has made me my own hero.  When you tell someone, "I had a root canal this morning," they generally throw a puzzled glance your way and say something along the lines of, "and you're WORKING?"  Honestly, the Novocain has long since worn off, and I'm an hour from my next pill popping session, and I'm in less pain now than I have been in a month.  Dr. Howser said that, too.  He says it'll hurt worse tomorrow or the next day.  Even still, the pain is a little easier to handle mentally when you know it's ultimately going to go away.

Special thanks go to Mr. ParkHopper, who not only woke up at 8:45 this morning to drive me to Orlando, but also sat in the waiting room for 3 hours, took me out for "lunch," dropped me off at work, packed and delivered my dinner.  Am I lucky or what?

Umm…I'm wondering if either my real dentist or this place I was at today would e-mail me a copy of my post-canal x-ray.  I'd love to put a Christmas light border on it and e-mail it to everyone I know.  That's almost even better than the Gatorland picture from September!

Thermometer

I must be really sick - my temperature is 98.8.

Actually, I don't feel terrible. I have a little bit of congestion, a little bit of a cough, a bit of sore throat, and a bit of an ear ache. Mostly though, I'm overwhelmingly tired. I know that my body is waging an internal struggle of epic proportions right now, and I feel like I owe it to the body to sleep as much as possible.

but...

Tomorrow I have a dentist appointment in downtown Orlando for which we are leaving home at 9 am. Then I'm working 2-10:30.

Tuesday I'm off (this will pretty much be my catatonic day until...). We're going to see The Lion King with some people Tuesday night. Who? Umm... I think Chris and Cathi. I don't know who else.

Wednesday and Thursday I'm working my normal 10 hour shift.

Friday and Saturday I'm off (payment for working Mon & Weds). But Friday we're going out with Bob and Janet before Scott leaves for work. This, of course, means waking up before noon. I need to Christmas shop, but it surely isn't going to be on a Saturday. I don't have a death wish!

I work Sunday normal hours, and am then off Monday (Christmas shopping?) and Tuesday. Wednesday our new girl starts and I'll be training her plus doing my job every Weds/Thurs/Fri for the immediate future.

Somewhere in there, I think there were a few holes I can fill with rest and orange juice and soup. Fingers crossed!

The Much-Anticipated Slide Show

Here it is!

And now, I need to get ready to face the real world.

Pict-arrrrrs

I thought this was a good way to start talking about the cruise - with the one major change since March. The pirate ship above is the Flying Dutchman from Pirates II. It's Davy Jones's ship, which spends most of its time below the surface, along with its crew of undead sailors in various states of transition from man to sea life. Anyway, it is now anchored at Castaway Cay. I took about a dozen pictures of it between 3 cameras. The picture above was taken with my camera, which we all know doesn't do details. But the detail work on the ship was pretty overwhelming.

And as you can tell, we ordered a nice overcast day to make the pictures even more ominous. Actually, the weather that day pretty much sucked. We did get in an hour of snorkeling, but as we got to the adult beach, the weather was windy and gray and chilly and drizzling. The bright side: we got a hammock. The unfortunate part: we huddled under a towel attempting to stay warm and dry. We lasted about a half hour. Then we went to the big BBQ for lunch and back to the ship for a nap.

There were lots of naps during this trip. That would be a direct result of Scott waking up every day at the crack of dawn (or before). We upgraded ourselves to a stateroom with a veranda, which was pretty sweet. The clouds kept us from seeing a sunrise, but we did catch a mediocre sunset on the last night.

More to come. And if I can shake the sleepiness out of my head (there was no nap... I had some taped TV to catch up on) perhaps I'll put together a little slide show for another entry. For now, here's a picture of the two of us, on our 1,096th evening as husband and wife.

Home!

I promise another post before the end of the day. Right now, my body is compensating for the lack of ocean movement by rocking me back and forth in my chair. I think my inner ear must be confused.

Anyway, we're home. We had a wonderful time, and took many pictures. I promise some of those today, too. Of course, the ones taken with the underwater camera will have to wait for a while. You know - they have to be *gasp* developed and then scanned if I want to share them.

I've been awake for nearly 4 hours. I'd say that calls for a nap.

Panties!

Are 9 pairs of underwear enough for a 4-night cruise?

Well, a few days ago, I promised you a story of underwear, and now I'm going to attempt to tell it in 10 minutes or less.

While at wal mart, I picked up a pack of undies that were really soft. I also picked up a bunch of other ones - but I hadn't tried this particular "chiffon" type before. I got home and commenced Operation Unwrap and Wash, removing all of my new undergarments from their bags, boxes, hangers and tags. I wasn't really paying much attention to the actual products coming from the packages (really... it's underwear... how interesting could it be?) until I noticed that the "chiffon" pack had writing on the inside cardboard that the undies were wrapped around. I'm sorry to say that I failed to save that cardboard, but the wording said something along the lines of

These panties will fit you. They have some remarkable 360-degree stretch mechanism that makes this possible. And they won't give you a wedgie.

Funny...that's not what you usually see INSIDE the package! And that's when I noticed the panties. I couldn't stop laughing. Then Scott turned around and HE started laughing. Seriously? These things are supposed to fit my @$$?

Kilo shown for scale. I think we'd all agree that he is large, but not as large as I am!

So of course I tried them on. All they fit. But what if the security people on the cruise think I'm some sort of pedophile for travelling with kids' underpants?

Good? No. Plenty? Yes.

I brought my candy box in to work last month and filled it with candy corn (gotta love those post-halloween clearance sales!). After 2 bags of candy corn, we went through m&m's, reece's peanut butter cups, and more m&m's.

I put a little sign up over the box that had a great quote from Charles Schulz: "All you need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." When I put the peanut butter cups in, I added a warning on bright orange paper that said, "WARNING: Peanut Butter Cups may contain peanuts. duh!" People loved it.

Well, one of our servers made a crack today about the empty candy bin (it had been empty maybe 30 minutes, after the boss ate the last 6 m&m's). She asked if she had to bring her own from home, and said that was the only reason to come in the office*.

And so I had to punish her. The only candy in the office to fill the bin with were Good & Plenty. Does anyone out there besides my mom actually like these things? So I used the G&P's to fill up the bin. The boss said I needed to make a new warning sign for them. So I did. It has the Good & Plenty logo embedded in the phrase,

"This candy isn't very GOOD...
But there's PLENTY of it.
So eat up!"

I am betting that, unless someone dumps them out and replaces them with something good, they will still be in the bin when I get back from vacation. I guess they'll be happy to see me return after all!

*Note: it was light-hearted kidding -- she wasn't being nearly as snarky as it seems typed out.

Happy December!

For those of you in Central Florida, don't forget that Magic 107.7 is now running Christmas music non-stop... except for their frequent chat breaks and commercial breaks.

Honestly, I keep flipping onto the station (I actually set another radio pre-set button for this one), and every time they are either in commercial or it's Delilah talking to people about their miserable existances. I have yet to hear an entire song!

And I think my Christmas CDs are packed with the rest of the decorations that haven't come out yet. Oh well - I'll just have to listen to my latest compilation CD ("Jamie's Mostly Showtunes CD") for a little while longer.