Out of the Loop

I'll be honest: I missed the whole Marie Claire kerfuffle a few days back. I knew something was up because I read a few random tweets about it, but I am just about at my saturation point for journalists (and I use that term loosely) saying stupid things and being fired so I tuned out.

Then one of my favorite author-bloggers took the magazine to task.

Nutshell: columnist writes ridiculously insensitive column about how fat people gross her out. Nope, I'm not oversimplifying:

"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other ... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room — just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine addict slumping in a chair."

And so Jenn Lancaster, author of comic memoirs such as My Fair Lazy and Such a Pretty Fat, has stepped up to the plate to offer a well-reasoned, thoughtful, humorous, and downright amazing analysis and response. It's long, and you should read every word. Here's one paragraph to set the mood:

"Here’s the thing - I’ve spent my career trying to give readers the message that they should love themselves no matter what. I’ve worked hard to set the kind of example that will help empower women to embrace who they are and what they look like. Sometimes I’m stupid and vain and I get caught up in silly things like whether or not my teeth are properly whitened, but the point is I do my best to build myself – and, by extension, other women – up and I get pissed off when some self-righteous asshole tells us we aren’t of value because we don’t fit into some arbitrary standard of beauty."

I read the rest of the post with tears in my eyes, ready to attend a Fatty Rally and wave a Cacique bra over my head with one hand while holding a Five Guys burger in the other. I read the whole thing out loud to Scott. When I finished, his response was, "I love her!" And I love her too. And I agree with Jenn's ultimate conclusion that the girl who wrote the Marie Claire piece isn't the enemy. She's got opinions, and God love her for being brave enough to share them with the world. But shame on Marie Claire. Well, I guess they won't have to focus on plus-size fashion for a while - my guess is they just lost themselves an entire demographic!

As for Jenn, I've never actually read any of her books. I've got one that I bought earlier this month and hid from myself so that I'd have something new to read on the cruise. Maybe as a thank-you to her, I'll buy another one. After all, Scott will need something to read too!

Florida Ballot Amendments

It's one week until election day! And so today, I present a sneak-peek at Jamie's Votes on Florida's Amendment Proposals:

1. No
2. No
4. No
5. Yes
6. Yes
8. Yes

Want some more specifics? Sure! Well, I used Scott Maxwell's Amendments for Dummies column as a guide. And since he's already boiled down each proposal into 10-words-or-less synopses, I hope he'll forgive me for not paraphrasing them further...

1. Should Florida stop offering subsidies for statewide campaigns? I said no, because I like the idea of someday (obviously not this year) non-billionaires being able to competitively run for public office without dumping millions of dollars of their own money into mud-slinging ads. In college, the USG presidential candidates were held to a spending cap, and the election board had to log and stamp each and every sign, banner, and flyer before they went up. I think it made sense then, and I wish it worked that way in the real world.

2. Do soldiers serving abroad deserve property-tax breaks? This one was tough for me. I respect and revere soldiers, but this is just too vague. I don't think serving abroad in Germany is really that tax break worthy. I also don't like the idea that parents could add their adult soldier child as a co-owner on their home and live there tax-free indefinitely. Had the wording been more restrictive, I would have said yes. But now I say no.

4. Should voters have a more direct say on growth? No thanks...I elect city council so that I don't have to be bothered with little issues. Want more say? Go to council meetings and argue to your representatives. Otherwise, what are you paying them for?

5 & 6. Should Florida have compact, geographically sensible congressional and legislative districts? Yes. Have you seen our congressional districts? Thank you!

8. Should we make the class-size cap more flexible? Yes. It's ok to have 30 kids in a class, as long as that's the exception and not the rule.

Thanks to Scott Maxwell for paring down the amendments into normal-speak. And thanks to anyone who read all the way to the bottom. If you disagree with me, I hope you'll leave me a comment.

Today, It's the Nose

Does anyone remember that Puffs commercial with the kid whose nose literally ran across his face when the tissue approached? Today, that's me.

Aside from painful congestion, my nose is runny. But it's doing that thing where you just need to have a tissue on stand-by to catch drips. Any attempt to blow will just further compact the congestion.

And the sneezes! Big sneezes that seem to come from my toes! They are as painful as they are disgusting!

I was up on and off all night with a cough. No worries there - it was the tickle-in-your-throat annoying type of cough, not the honking-goose cough that I had the past few days. I made it through the day at work, and have found my way back to the couch. Don't look for me elsewhere.

...unless I decide to go out to the garage and take the drywall saw to my nose. It's not so much spiting my face as solving a problem!

Couch-Bound

It's a good thing I went and got the antibiotics yesterday, because I'm feeling about 100% worse today than yesterday. My sinuses realized they were missing out on the congesting, mucus-producing fun. And damn, am I tired!

It's unlikely that I'll be going to work tomorrow, but by antibiotic day #3 I know I'm at least not going to infect anyone else. But damn, I'm so tired!

Coughing is exhausting, as is nose blowing and keeping my eyes open. I'm not sure I could handle sitting up all day on top of all that!

Whine

I'm officially sick again. Hopefully 2 days of Azithromycin will make me better enough to go back to work on Monday. I've already accepted that the weekend is a wash - but full of soup and juice and other good things. And naps. Naps are the best part of being sick!

Please excuse me as I continue my convalescence on the couch and watch Harry Potter.

One Story, Two Versions

The Short Version:
I woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, washed my hair, dried my hair, got dressed, and left for work. I went to the safety meeting, shared pretzel nuggets, and then worked the rest of my shift.

The Long Version:
I woke up this morning at 3:51 - ten minutes before I was supposed to be at work. I flew out of bed, brushed my teeth, washed the top half of my hair from outside the tub, dried enough of my hair to get it started curling under, got dressed, ran downstairs, grabbed my purse, keys, and the bowl of pretzel nuggets, and left for work at exactly 4:00. I called to tell one of the third shift managers that I would be late and drove quickly but safely to work in exactly 30 minutes, went to the safety meeting where I was openly mocked for my tardiness, shared pretzel nuggets (and was forgiven for my tardiness because they were so darn tasty), and then worked the rest of my shift.

Strangely enough, I set two alarms last night. One went off an hour early and one didn't go off at all. It's good to know I can make it from passed out asleep to sitting at work in 39 minutes. It usually takes me longer than that just to drive to work, plus over an hour of awake time before leaving the house! Just the same, I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon!

RIP DVR

The DVR is dead.


For the past few weeks, the quality of the recordings was getting worse and worse. Then the quality of the signal on the HD channels started to get worse and worse. Then it failed to record Glee on Tuesday. Then when we tried the old shut it off and turn it back on trick tonight, it refused to reboot.


Sigh...


So tonight I won't be able to watch Night of Too Many Stars, because I'd rather watch Grey's Anatomy on the TV tonight than on abc.com tomorrow. I'll probably still end up watching Private Practice on the computer, because I'm tired and will be making a concerted effort to fall asleep early tonight.


That's right, tomorrow is my monthly 4am meeting. I made pretzel nuggets (the last sheet just came out of the oven) for them, because I'm just awesome like that.

Also not connected to anything else, Scott grilled turkey burgers and veggie burgers for dinner tonight. The veggie burger was surprisingly tasty. The turkey, even with fiesta dip (I read the label - it's not that bad for you), wasn't spectacular. It was good, and even moist, but just a little ho-hum.

And now it's time to get in bed and watch TV until I convince my brain to sleep.

Antici...

...pation

Anyone want to know what I'll be doing starting in 10 minutes? Watching all of these songs performed at the White House by such fabulous performers as Idina Menzel, Nathan Lane, and Audra McDonald.

Can't wait!

Dinner

Tonight for dinner I had cheese soup, escargot, bison chili, and a sausage in a pretzel roll.

Thank you, Food & Wine Festival! I look forward to hitting the other half of the world on another visit!

Headaches of the Literal Type

Saturday I woke up with a headache. It came and went, but when it came it was a doozy. It felt like an ice pick was being inserted into my head above my left ear and then wiggled around. Ibuprofen helped, but it didn't completely go away.

Tonight I had a different headache. This time, an elephant was sitting right on the top of my head. Still is, actually. So please excuse me while I turn the lights down low and wait for the pills to kick in.

Sunday (Not) Funnies

There's a reason I read the news online...

Mischief Managed

Scott and Katie and I tried to go to the corn maze this afternoon, but despite getting there almost 3 hours before closing time we were turned away. The experience wasn't positive, and I'm very sad because I'd been looking forward to going for 3 years. So we went to World Market in search of eclectic things instead. Katie got a cool hat, Scott got 2 fun new glasses, and I got a bottle of cherry soda. (I told you I was sad!)

And then I walked over and caught Scott being mischievous. He was doing our old trick of setting all of the timers so that they go off at the same time and then walking away. I had to take a picture of his handiwork:

It was the look in his eyes as he flipped them over that made me smile. And when I asked what he was doing and he responded wide-eyed that he was "setting all the timers so that they go off at the same time," I belly laughed.

And if I do say so myself, that's a pretty sweet picture. There is one other picture I took today, of the sign across from the corn maze parking lot (where, by the way, we were greeted by a man dressed as a scarecrow, complete with burlap sack over his face!):

Had it said "Grower of Truly Truly Truly Outrageous Sod," I would've hopped out of the car and made someone take my picture with it!

One Year Later

What were you doing a year ago today? If you were "Balloon Boy," you were not floating high above Colorado in a giant Jiffy Pop bag. If you were Scott and Jamie, you were signing your lives over to a mortgage company whose ability/professionalism left a lot to be desired. Then you went and spent more money at Rooms to Go, and then you visited your brand new house before going "home" to your apartment.

Has it really been a whole year? Has it only been one year?

It didn't take that long for me to feel like we've been here forever. After all, once there is clutter on the counter and a cat puke stain (or 20) on the carpet, it's basically "home." But the past year has absolutely flown by.

I love it here, with the windows open and the sound of the fountain (and the turnpike noise) floating in on the evening breeze. I love that my drive to work is at least 80% tourist free. I love that the cats have room to run. I love the water dispenser in the refrigerator door. I love having a garage for my car to live in.

The only thing I don't love is seeing what the houses on the other side of the pond are selling for now. And the goober next door. I don't love him either!

Happy Birthday, House!

Double Nickels

Happy Birthday, Mom!



Maybe now that you have matured to 55 you'll stop trying to steal Carol's family.

BWAHAHAHAHA

Good for Her

Apparently this week's theme is setting boundaries. It wasn't intentional - that's just how things worked out.

Also, now seems like a good time to say, "blah blah, miracle in Chile, blah blah, emotional, blah, heart-warming, blah blah blah." And I truly mean that. I watched #9 come up this morning and I saw him hug his waiting family. And it made me happy.

At work, my office-mate and I were talking about it, and since we're both of the age where we think bitter realism is better conversation than fairy tales, our conversation turned to that one miner with the wife and the mistress.

I'm shocked that he wasn't asking to remain down in the mine indefinitely. Well, it seems that in the many days that he had to consider his predicament and figure out how to handle the situation, he decided to play the stranded miner card:

Barrios reportedly asked both his wife and his mistress to be there to greet him when he emerged from underground.

After that, Salinas was done.

"He asked me to come, but it turns out he also invited the other woman and I have decency," Salinas said before the rescue, according to ABC News. "This is very clear: It's her or me.

"I'm happy because he was saved. It's a miracle from God. But I won't attend the rescue."

As a wife, I have to say good for her. Not only did she stand up for her values and her own self-worth, but she did so with class. It's obvious that she loves her husband, and was willing to forgive (or at least try to forgive) him for having had a mistress, but not for continuing to have a mistress.

I'd like to imagine that once Yonni has a chance to settle back into some semblance of normalcy, he'll realize his "love" of the mistress was mostly lust mixed with the fear of getting caught. Now that she's not the forbidden fruit, she'll probably not taste quite as sweet.

And then the question becomes this: does Marta Salinas have it in her heart to forgive him? Can she forgive that he strayed in the first place? Can she forgive that he wanted to keep them both? Can she forget that he kissed that other woman with the whole world watching?

And now, we return to live-streaming of more blah blah amazing rescue blah blah blah.

Announcements for Family and Friends

please stick around to the end (or just skip to the end) if you are just here for the tickets

For Sale: Two fabulous tickets to see Irving Berlin's White Christmas at the Straz Center for the Performing Arts in Tampa. The show is on Thursday, December 2 at 7:30 pm. Face value of the tickets is over $60 each, but our price is very negotiable. This was part of our season ticket package, and we aren't going to be able to go. E-mail me if you're interested.

If you are planning on coming to see the Candlelight Processional this year, please let me know when. Show preferencing and sign-ups start soon, and I have no idea what to sign up for! The show description and narrator list can be found here. I won't be available for shows until December 7, but after that can do the 2nd/3rd shows Mon-Thurs or the 1st show on Sunday. Friday/Saturday I'm only available if Scott wants to go. (my decision, not his, we're working opposite shifts right now and his days off are the only time we see each other) If you're coming, I strongly recommend the dinner package. That way you have guaranteed seating and won't have to wait in line for an hour or more just to get a crappy seat in the back. I'm planning on trying to sing when Jodi Benson, Thomas Gibson, and Marlee Matlin are narrating, but can certainly be available on another date. Please let me know ASAP if you might be coming.

What about park admission? Thank you for asking!

For anyone planning on inquiring about free or discounted theme park tickets in 2010 or 2011, please keep the following in mind: I am given a limited number of free admits every year, and I have to physically go to the park with you in order to use them. For discounted tickets, I need to have your money in advance and have to go buy them during my time off. While I am more than happy to go out of my way for my friends and family who treat me like friends or family (especially the ones who come to see me performing in Encore or Candlelight), I am disinclined to do so for anyone who never calls, e-mails, or even contacts me on Facebook until they need something.

I'm not saying I need my ego stroked or hand held, but a Christmas card or the occasional "hello, how are you?" is a great gesture.

And if this has somehow offended you, I apologize. Setting boundaries is an important part of life, and this is my boundary.

Thanks, and I look forward to seeing you for Candlelight or in 2011!

Exhausted

I had my cholesterol measured, got a flu shot, did some light grocery shopping, walked a bunch, made pot pies for dinner...

oh yeah, and worked for 8 hours.

If you need me, I'll be that pile of work clothes melted into the couch facing the TV playing Dancing with the Stars. And after that, I'll be asleep.

Another Trip to the Mall?

For real, I found myself at the mall for the second day in a row today. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), the mall closes really early on Sunday. And so do most of the stores at Winter Garden Village. So I did a lot of driving today, but not a lot of shopping.

That's probably for the best.

Cat and I had a really good time though, catching up, sharing work stories (hers - mine aren't interesting), eating greasy food, and whatever. When the company is good, the rest is inconsequential.

Lots Done

Floppy hat shopping at the mall was an epic failure. This time of year, unless you want a ski cap or a dressy hat with feathers, you're basically out of luck.

We did, however, stumble across a doorbuster sale at JC Penney. I found an 80% off rack in the men's department with Scott's short-sleeve button-down shirts on sale for $5 each, got him 2 polo shirts, and bought an argyle sweater for myself (also men's...but with purple in it). The bottom of the receipt says we saved $185.12, and when the cashier read that out, I literally high-fived Scott.

After the mall, we swung by Target, where I found a floppy hat last week but didn't buy it. I got one (on clearance, 1/2 price) that works for me, and bought a big pair of sunglasses to go with it. Paired with the cover-up I ordered from Old Navy, I'm going to look so fabulous walking to and from the pool/beach during our vacation...right up until the hat flies off my head and into the ocean!

After Target, we grocery shopped, came home for a little while, and then headed off to the park formerly nicknamed MGM (now DHS) for dinner. We made good time, so we had time for a quick ride on the Great Movie Ride, where we were treated to a surprise show by my Encore friend Melissa, playing the part of the gangster who hijacks your car. She's really good at it.

And then dinner at Mama Melrose's was spectacular as always. I had tomato & mozzarella salad and goat cheese ravioli and Scott had clams and the pork chop. Mmm...delicious!

And now we're home and my feet hurt. It was a great day, and I think we both really needed a great day. Tomorrow Scott's back to work and I've got some laundry to do. Back to the real world!

Friday!

It's Friday!

Scott and I are hoping for a better weekend than last week. Tomorrow, we're going floppy hat shopping and having a 50% off dinner at one of our favorite Italian restaurants. Maybe we'll have some more fun too.

Tune in again tomorrow for the exciting conclusion!

Oh Really?

Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Thomas thinks I'm a lousy democrat, and wants me to stand behind Kendrick Meek through the Alamo-like slaughter to come:

And so I say this to the Democrats: There's right and there's wrong. So grab your muskets and go down swinging with Kendrick Meek.

Democrats who have embraced Charlie Crist are dead as a beaver hat.

Their justification for bayoneting Meek in the back is that Charlie is the only guy who can stop Marco Rubio.

Anyone who thinks that is putting too much K2 in the incense burner.

Thanks, Mike.

His justification for throwing out the term "back-stabber" (page 2) is that Rubio is so far ahead in the polls that there's almost no chance he can lose. So since it doesn't matter whether he wins by 1 vote or 5 million, I should throw mine to the candidate destined to come in third so that he feels better about his loss? Because he was blinded by ambition and gave up his "safe" seat in the House to run for the Senate? Maybe if he hadn't been running, a stronger Democrat would've stepped up. If he campaigned more effectively, maybe he wouldn't be in third place now.

Look, Mike, those of us who are worried about the ridiculous havoc someone with Tea Party values could wreak in the United States Senate are willing to swallow our party loyalty and cast the vote we feel is best for the state of Florida and for the country.

I resent the implication that my vote doesn't count. I learned that lesson the hard way in 2000. My vote does count, and I will continue to take that responsibility seriously, balancing my morals and values with what I think is best for the future of the nation. Blindly voting along party lines? That's irresponsible. Voting your conscience? That's called civic responsibility.

Who knows? Maybe one of Custer's men had a better idea but was bound by tradition and loyalty to follow his leader to his death. Thank goodness we have a choice this year.

Senate Debate

(look, it was either this topic or one about my new fruity-scented cat litter. we'll probably get to the cat litter another day)

I watched Florida's US Senate debate tonight and came out with a few sad realizations:

1. Kendrick Meek is way outmatched. He reminded me of the speeches I heard from kids running for high school president. I hate to think he was the best candidate the Democrats had to offer.

2. If I agreed with half of Marco Rubio's positions, I'd vote for him in a heartbeat. He obviously believes what he's saying, he's passionate and articulate, and had facts to back up his positions. But I do believe in Obamacare, I don't think rich people will turn into apple sellers if their taxes are raised, I do think the stimulus was what we needed when we needed it, and I disagree with his positions on gay (erm, HUMAN) rights. The last point is almost enough to make me a single issue voter.

3. I think I'm going to vote for Charlie Crist. (yes, I did vomit a little in my mouth as I typed that) His current positions are my positions, he's more articulate than Meek, and if he flip-flops on less than half of the issues again then he's a reasonable choice for me. He's really unreliable though, which worries me. It's obvious his vote can be sold to the highest bidder (or the most powerful one).

I tuned in tonight wanting to get fired up and get back on Team D, but I just couldn't do it. I'm selling out to the candidate I believe has the best chance of defeating the far-right candidate. Even if that means voting for Chuck Putz.

Remind me to bring my nose plugs with me on election day...

To Be Continued

I waited a little longer than I should have to schedule my doctor appointment. I waited until I had calmed down from being pissed off at her, and decided that if I needed to break up with my dentist and my doctor in the same month that maybe the problem was me. So I did the grown up thing. The appointment was for this coming Friday after work.

But they cancelled it.

So when I called to reschedule and she couldn't see me until next Wednesday mid-day, I decided it was fate. Scott's doctor had an opening tomorrow, so I took it.

Hopefully this one will go better.

And in case you were wondering, I decided I didn't really want to be on birth control. So I'm going to switch to another blood pressure medicine instead. If he'll let me. Fingers crossed!

Open Sesame

The windows! They're open!

The downstairs windows are open, and with the ceiling fan on it's perfectly pleasant in the living room. Upstairs, all of the windows are open, and all of the doors in the hallway are open too. However meager the breeze, I am determined to suck in the fresh air as much as possible.

Sure, it's still 80, but it feels like fall to me!

Helping

What could be more of a comfort when you are sad than a hug? A big two-arms-stretched-as-far-as-possible hug can make any sadness go away, right?

Milo thinks so, too.



He's been on my lap every time I sat down today (granted, not usually treating me like his human teddy bear...). Right now, he's purring loudly as I reach over and around him to type. He has always been my 'therapy cat,' and right now I'm more grateful than ever for it.

We're ok, Milo. At least I think we are.

Hard to Say Goodbye

It's been a rough 24 hours around here. Our plans for a fun day out and about were replaced by an unplanned trip to the local Humane Society. Did you know that spiteful non-litterbox peeing is behavioral and once it starts is nearly impossible to stop? It took me the better part of 8 years to come to that realization and to finally act on the decision that Scott and I had made at least twice a year for at least the past four years.

So I sobbed in the shower, sobbed after the shower, sobbed as I sat in the bathroom with Kilo, brushing him and scratching his head while he sat on my lap and purred, sobbed when I had to man-handle him into the cat carrier, sobbed when I let Elphie in to say goodbye, sobbed in the car the whole way there, sobbed while I waited in the car for Scott, sobbed the whole way home, and sobbed for a while after that.

It took me a while to realize that no matter what happens now, we gave him a good home and we loved him. Milo and Elphie loved him. And even if he's not here with us, he'll always be a part of this family. He's peppered throughout the photo albums, this blog, and the one before it. I just hope that in time the guilt and anger I feel now will fade and I can focus on the happy memories like the ones below...

And here's one more. I took it Friday night, before we knew that would be his last night here. He was howling at the glass door, and when I went to investigate I saw he and the neighbor cat were having quite a conversation. They could be (fun house) mirror images of eachother.

Truthfully, I didn't think I'd miss him at all. But the house seems a little too quiet now. I hope he's ok, and I hope he forgives me for giving up on him. It really was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

Doing Something

Both the PSU and 'Bama games start at 8:00 tonight, so Scott and I are going to leave the house today and do something. We just haven't decided what. We're both a little sore from our little furniture moving party* so I'm not sure I'm up for anything that involves walking a million miles in the heat.

Movie? Mall? IKEA? I know for sure we're going grocery shopping, but we haven't made any plans beyond that.

I hear my stand mixer going... I guess I should go find out what's for breakfast. My money is on biscuits.

* Our one-year house warranty expires this month, so we brought up a laundry list of little broken things that needed to be fixed. The sink faucet in the upstairs guest bath now has full pressure, the cosmetic cracks have been caulked, there are baseboards on the landings of the staircase that weren't there before, and the painter who did the baseboards was nice enough to run around with a bucket of paint and touch up some scratches and dings.

Last but not least, the horribly squeaky floors in our hallway, master bedroom, office, and stairs have been eliminated (again) (for now). But in order for us to make that happen, we had to move all of the bedroom and office furniture into the cats' room and move the cat box into the bathroom (and then the hallway). It was actually fun in a weird way, and now that everything is put back together, the upstairs is actually neat and tidy.

October

I read today on Twitter that October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and Breast Cancer Awareness Month . There's got to be a joke in there somewhere. (a one-armed man, a wife-beater, and a boob walk into a bar...) According to Wikipedia, it's also the awareness month for infertility, Down Syndrome, blindness, SIDS, and dental hygiene. So in short, we should spend the next 31 days being aware of the world around us.

October 1 is also the anniversary of the opening of the Magic Kingdom and Epcot (a few years apart, of course). And since the summer tourists are gone and the heat index is below 100, it's time to head out to the theme parks as well. Perhaps I'll finally hit 10,000 steps on my pedometer in one day.

What are you doing or observing this month?

The Little Things

Have you ever run a load of dishes that so silverware heavy that you wonder who's been using six forks at once? I just unloaded one of those. There was literally one dinner plate, 5 smaller plates, some other assorted things, and about 90% of the flatware.

It was while I was unloading the dishwasher that I noticed that Scott had loaded the little basket in the same order as we keep the silverware in the drawer - big spoons, then little spoons, then little forks, etc. For all I know, he's been doing this for the past almost seven years and I've never noticed. I knew he segregated the different pieces, but I never noticed the order.

And you know what? Having them in order makes it just a little easier to put them away.

It's the little things that remind me how much I love him.

Political Minute

I think I've made up my mind to not vote for Alan Grayson. As a Democrat, I'm sure our opinions align on most important issues. I'm sure that not voting for him could severely hurt what MY president can do in the next two years. And I really have some party-line guilt. But his mud-slinging ads with barely a toe hold in reality are the worst I can remember in local politics.

I don't want a man with a moral compass that points south-southeast representing me in the House of Representatives.

If you want my vote, tell me your position on the issues. Tell me how you're better than your opponent. But don't waste my time telling me why your opponent is worse than you or by twisting his words into balloon animals full of toxic gas.

Tropical Depression

It's raining.

It's been raining for the better part of the last four hours.

I drove home in a downpour.

And it's dark and gray.

There's a reason I live in Florida. Sure, it rains most days here, but it only rains for 1/2 hour! Days like today (and tomorrow I hear) just make me blue. Maybe blue-gray. And so, as Tropical Depression 16 dumps misery on us tomorrow, I'll be here wallowing in the weather.

Idea Drought

I'm looking for new and interesting ideas for my next vacation photo album. On our last big trip, I put together the A to Z album. But in the end, that was a monster PITA and I had to cheat on 3 or 4 letters. Oh, and I think I finished it about a year after we got home.

So this year I thought I'd try to come up with something equally as creative, but I can't seem to find anything I want to commit to.

Birds?

Food?

Tourist photo ops?

Who has a suggestion or request for me?

Hi

Aside from a visit from the cable guy and a trip to pick up my car, I didn't really do anything today. Everyone needs a lazy Sunday every now and then, right?

I hope everyone else had as relaxing a day as I did.

Who's Ready?

Who's ready to hear Jamie's embarrassingly stupid illness/injury story for September? (you can catch up on August's sunburn or July's self-imposed bronchitis if necessary)

On the way home from the grocery store, we stopped at the mailboxes and I hopped out to check the mail. I told Scott to drive home, that I needed a walk (damn that pedometer strapped to my hip!). So I picked up the mail and set off home.

Because the first house on our street hasn't been built yet (don't ask me - they built the second house first), the sidewalk doesn't go all the way home. Where the sidewalk ended, I walked down the little ramp to get to the street, slipped on some mud, and then I think I tripped on my own shoe.

What happened next was something of a slow-motion blur. I know for sure that when I tripped with my right foot, I fell onto my right knee, and then my left foot slid in the slippery mud about 8 feet to the side, away from my ass.

It was sort of like this, only replace the blue sky with mud, switch out a handful of mail for the pom in her left hand, and a palmful of pebbles and mud in the right hand. Oh, and erase the enthusiastic smile. An embarrassed smirk is much more appropriate.

Scott was mightily freaked out when I got home and he saw that my jeans were soaked from the knee down in the front of my right leg and in the back of my left leg.

The injuries are minor. I have road rash on the top of my right foot and a pretty wicked goose egg on my right knee. My left hamstring will likely hurt pretty badly in the morning, but I made Scott go out and walk with me when football was over, hoping a little stretch would relax the muscle and convince it to not freak out. I'm also a little concerned about my left ankle, but I don't think it really hurts that much more than normal.

I'll take a bruised knee any day over last month's sunburn. But allow me just a moment to whiiiine about it.

Thank you!

Wild Kingdom

The local sand hill cranes were out this evening after my post-grave-shift nap, standing at the corner of our building and warbling non-stop. It turns out they were yelling at the next door neighbor's cat, who was innocently sitting at his front door curled up avoiding the last of the afternoon rain.

That seemed like unnecessary bullying to me, so I went out to hang out with the cat for moral support. He came running over and I pet him for a few minutes, which enraged the cranes even more. WARBLE! WARBLE! WARBLEWARBLEWARBLEWARBLE!

I went back inside, and Scott asked what I did to make the cranes squawk even louder, and I told him. They were still out causing a ruckus, so I took my phone out, thinking I could get a good picture. (I couldn't.) Scott came outside after he saw the wing flapping war dance through the window, and proceeded to imitate the birds. It was awesome!

Eventually, the cranes moved on and the cat lost interest in my company, so we went inside. Peace has been restored... for now.

The Doldrums

I've got nothing interesting of my own today, so he's real newsman interviewing fake newsman. There's a video, which for some reason I couldn't embed here.

Also, if you need a good cry, check out this story.

That's it for now. I've got a big night of Thursday Night TV to emotionally prepare for, and a 4am start time tomorrow.

Bummer

I'm sad to say The Hoff was the first person voted off Dancing With the Stars.

Sure, his dance was terrible (and performed to a cringe-worthy "Sex Bomb," ick!).

Sure, his popularity in the US peaked in the 80's.

But dammit, America. You left Kate Gosselin on for more than one week! The rest of the season is going to be much less fun now.

I Don't Know About You...

...but I'M going on vacation. Yes, I'm taking Scott too.

Sorry Internet, but I'm not going to tell you when I'm leaving so you can break into my house and steal my cats!

I'll send you a postcard!

Not a Paid Endorsement

...just a statement of fact:

The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will clean baked-on gum out of the inside of the clothes dryer.

You're welcome.

Short & Sweet...but Not Quite Sweet Enough

I had a lightning bolt shaped cookie cutter made for me by someone at work.

Weird, right?

Well, probably, but it works for me. See, we are in the midst of this huge new electrical safety program roll-out at work, requiring most of my guys to sit through an hour-long online class and a 2-3 hour actual class. So the cookie cutter was made for me so that I could make "congratulations on finishing" cookies.

The first of my six departments finished their training last week, so I planned to make cookies for them this weekend. I just gave up after 30ish cookies. I got into a good groove, but damn - there's a reason sugar cookies are Christmas/winter staples. It's hot work, and ambient temperature around 80 makes it nearly impossibly to work with the dough.

Oh, and a lightning bolt has a zillion angles, which make it even harder to cut them out and move them around. But I figured out a workaround and they're coming out well - but only 6-7 on one sheet. So it's a slow process. I'll finish them tomorrow night and bring them with me on Tuesday.

For now, I'll just sit and enjoy the cookie smell.

Vocal Exercises

Whether or not you enjoy (or even appreciate) opera, I don't think it's possible to watch this video without at least admiring the control and discipline it takes to sing a song like this... and to make it look like you're having so much fun while you do it.



Incidentally, I found this song while flipping through YouTube for another song that Elphie might like, since she has recently shown a tendency to absolutely lose herself in a specific song I found by accident. If I can remember how to use my camera to shoot video, I'll see if she'll let me record her listening to her favorite song tomorrow.

(nope, Cecilia Bartoli didn't do it for her at all)

How Much is Too Much?

Is $24 too much for a ticket to a community theater show?

What if the show in question is Noises Off?

All of a sudden, $24 doesn't sound like too much...especially since Scott and I are both huge fans of the movie. And really, $50 isn't that much more than we spend in an average week eating out. It'll just be a different kind of date night - an actual dating event.

Yeah, I think we'll go.

Joy Joy Joy Joy

Tonight is my first Candlelight rehearsal of the season. I'm looking forward to getting my voice back in shape...and hopefully this year I'll actually perform in a few shows! When are you coming to see me?

Just Do It*

Back in the dark ages when I was still working at The Restaurant, we had a college girl working in the office with us for the summer. She was 18 going on 12 (for real - petite AND young looking/sounding). She spent most of the summer coming in to work exhausted after staying up until 3 or 4 in the morning talking on the phone with her boyfriend in Hawaii.

She talked about him all the time, too. See, they had been dating since the beginning of fall semester and plans were in the works for him to get together with her family so he could ask her father's permission to marry her. (don't even get me started on that whole asking permission thing...) When her family came to visit, she and her mom went window shopping for wedding dresses. They even had their honeymoon all planned out.

Now I remember my boyfriend from my college freshman year. I remember the puppy love. I remember wanting to spend every single second together. And I distinctly remember not even once seriously consider marrying him. I asked her once why they were in such a hurry, and her answer shocked me:

Well, because we're Mormon, we can't have premarital sex. So Mormons marry pretty young... because they want to have sex.

I'll be honest: I understand and strongly respect the moral choice to "save yourself" until you find your one true love. But I disagree with any religion that is so strict with its young people that they feel the only way to act on their natural impulses is to hurriedly commit themselves for an entire lifetime just to get on with the "getting on."

Perhaps my young co-worker was especially immature (or horny). But her parents were active participants in the marriage plans, which I believe means they support her decision to marry young. At any rate, we all got an e-mail from her last week saying that they are engaged now and plan to marry next summer.

Congratulations, kid. But I really hope you spend the next 11 months really getting to know each other and asking the tough questions. Are your career goals in line? Where will you live? Will you have kids? Buy a house? Spend your spare money on vacations or save for retirement? Anticipating that one day with the white dress, the party (where you're still not old enough to toast with anything harder than sparkling apple cider), and then "90 seconds in Heaven" for that long will only, in my opinion, lead to a lifetime of disappointment.

But don't worry, no matter how disappointing your first time is - and it will be disappointing - the sex will definitely get better!

*I agree, it was the best post title ever!

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Scott and I were laying back-to-back this morning, with our heels touching. I was in my final snooze when all of a sudden, BLAM BLAM BLAM - he kicked me three times (in the bottom of my heel, with his heel). A whole list of things went through my mind, including most prominently, "did I oversleep?" I looked at the clock and saw 6:02 - one minute before my final snooze would go off - so I did the logical thing.

I kicked him back, as hard as I could.

He didn't even budge. That's when I realized he was fast asleep and I felt bad for kicking him back. When my alarm went off, I asked him if he knew he had kicked me. He said he dreamed he was kicking someone.

I'm glad we were laying the way we were. I imagine that would've actually hurt if he'd kicked me in the shin instead!

Monochrome

Sometimes there's nothing an orange cat wants more than to lay on his orange pillow throne and just blend in.

...and not have his picture taken, thankyouverymuch!

(this is another of those tangled-legs-cat pictures - how does he get in these positions?)

Giving Peace a Chance

...And there's growing Islamophobia in this country.

How else would you describe the fact that mosques around the country are now being attacked? We are Americans, too. We are treated and talked about today as if Muslims are not Americans.

We are Americans. We are doctors. We are investment bankers. We are taxi drivers. We are store keepers. We are lawyers. We are part of the fabric of America.

And the way that America today treats its Muslims is being watched by over a billion Muslims worldwide. And the battleground today... is not between Islam and the West. The battleground has been moderates of all faith traditions in all the countries of the world against the radicals of all faith traditions in all parts of the world.

--Imam Feisal Abdul Rauf to Christiane Amanpour (transcript)

I think this is a really smart guy. And as someone who grew up in an incredibly diverse community, and who had friends of nearly every faith and ethnicity, I wish that the majority of Americans would stop persecuting the many for the crimes of the few. Here's an analogy I got from The West Wing: Islam is to Al Qaeda as Christianity is to the KKK (or more recently, as Christianity is to Terry Jones). Stop and think about that for a minute.

Today, let's practice tolerance. It's easy if you try.

Silver Lining

Well, Penn State lost. By a lot. But I went in expecting Alabama to score way more than 24 points. I'll take the moral victory! Not every cloud has a silver lining, but some have rainbows. I won't complain.

Elphie won't complain, either. She's had a great day of sunbeams and cuddling and trying to kill her brothers. No matter how big she gets, she'll always be my tiny baby girl.

Tomorrow?

I have an e-mail exchange between me and my dentist that I want to share, but I'm on the netbook and that's too much cutting and pasting to do without an actual mouse. For now, I'll just share this other tidbit with you:

Nothing says Friday quite like realizing you sent e-mails with major errors to three separate distribution lists, and that you need to recall, correct, and resend the messages in the last 10 minutes of your shift.

On the bright side, there was sure no thumb twiddling today!

Dr. Ponytail: The Series

My gynecologist was on the local news this morning. I tried to find the video so that you could feel my discomfort, but their website seems to suck.

Discomfort, you ask?

Yes.

Imagine the person who looks into your insides while you are pants-less looking straight at you through the TV while you eat your morning cereal. I thought maybe I should put up the recliner, put my heels on the corners, and scooch down to the edge of the seat. But I didn't.

I didn't think to see which pair of Chuck Taylors he was wearing, but I was happy to see he didn't feel the need to switch out his normal black scrubs for a more grown-up outfit just for the interview.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put my pants back on.

Charlie in Wonderland

I'm not sure whether I've dipped my blogging toe into the midterm election madness, but I've been inspired to start.

Crist in Wonderland Episode 1 from RightChange on Vimeo.

...and part 2:

Charlie's In Wonderland Too from RightChange on Vimeo.

(hat tip: Scott Maxwell)

I hated Charlie as Governor. Oh wait - he's still governing, isn't he? I hadn't noticed. Really, as a Democrat and someone who supports President Obama, I feel like I should vote for Kendrick Meek. But if his chances are as slim as they say, then I might vote for Charlie just to vote against ultra-right Marco Rubio. Anyway, though I recognize the cartoons have a different political goal than I have, I still thought they were cute and well done!

I skipped the primary last month because none of the races I cared about were hotly contested. Now I have to start really paying attention - re-elect that loudmouth Alan Grayson? I'm not sure. Sink vs. Scott? Umm...Rick Scott is a total wacko and I wouldn't vote for him if he gave me $1,000. Orange County Mayor? I should probably study that one a little more closely.

Two months to go...

Attention, Please!

Attention Muslim World: Please please recognize that this crazy horrible man and his crazy horrible followers do not represent the rest of Americans, just as fundamentalist extremists in your own community do not represent you.

Attention Christian World: Keep praying that Terry Jones finds the "sign from God" that tells him this is a bad idea. If he goes through with "Burn a Koran Day" and one single American soldier dies as a direct result, it's not the Muslims he's going to need to worry about.

I stand behind the First Amendment. I'm certainly not asking the Florida or US Government to prevent the protest (is it really a protest, or just a temper tantrum?). I just want the people planning on participating to consider how hurtful their actions will be to the people of the Muslim faith, and instead turn their anger into something productive. Participate in a charity, read a book to a child, or just consider that Jesus probably wouldn't have provoked a group of people who thought differently than he did. Heck, maybe they should join a relief mission and bring the love of Christ along with much-needed food and medicine over to Pakistan. You know...just add something positive to the world instead of adding more hate. We don't need any more hate.

Vaguely related:

Labor Day

It's Labor Day, so I spent my day not laboring. I watched an NCIS marathon, did 3 loads of laundry, and...that's about it.

Let's not compare the "done" list to the "to-do" list, ok?

1-0 and 1-0

Coming off of wins for both Penn State and Alabama yesterday, Scott and I have one week to bask in our undefeated seasons.

One week only.

Next Saturday is Footballageddon as Penn State travels to Alabama. Two teams enter, one team leaves.

Too many movie references? Sorry. For now, I'm high on a win and enjoying it while I still can.

Who's 9?

Who's 9 today? Nope...couldn't possibly be Conner! (that's him in the front, in this picture from 2004)

I literally cried last night when I read on Facebook that his birthday is today. See, to me 9 sounds like an older kid - almost a tween - and I refuse to believe that a kid whose butt I wiped is that old.

I knew this kid when he chattered for hours on end without using any actual words. I knew him when he was little enough for Scott to throw in the air (and the accidentally drop onto his own head, causing both of them to bleed!). I remember watching a cartoon with him and proclaiming him to be a genius when he counted to 12 right along with Dora. I remember scrubbing marshmallow off of him.

Sigh...my little monsters are growing up so fast I can hardly stand it! Amazing, because I haven't aged at all...

Thanks for Asking

We are, in fact, ready for some football!


More on the NCAA Football 2010 season tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Joshua*

*names changed to protect the innocent child

Scott and I just got back from dinner at TooJays, the closest thing central Florida has to a good Jewish deli. We were seated near 4 old people sitting at a big table. We ordered our drinks, and then the rest of their party showed up: mom, dad, a little boy, and a baby girl.

Fifteen minutes later, the cooing and cheek pinching and baby talk had slowed down enough that we could actually make out grown-up words mixed in. "Happy birthday!" "Do you like your new Star Wars bed?" "Did you think grandma for your new toys?" We got to sit through one of the women (my guess is not the mother) singing the theme song from "Elmo's World" to the baby girl. And then the conversation took a strange turn.

"Your birthday is important to a lot of people." Scott and I were trying to figure out why the Dad was trying to give the kid a Jesus complex. I wanted to turn around and tell the kid that no one outside of that table gave a damn about his birthday, and that some day soon he'd be old enough to know how obnoxious his family was and he'd be embarrassed. But I didn't. And that's a good thing. We had been mocking the conversation when all of a sudden snippets of conversation along the lines of "and a lot of people died..." and "they call it Patriot's Day" came toward us.

Oh. My. God. And so we learned:

a) 4(ish) is the age when you tell your kid about 9-11.
b) if your kid's birthday is on 9-11, you have to celebrate it a full week in advance. (really, the party is tomorrow)
c) TooJay's is the new Chuck-E-Cheese

Scott also got the fringe benefit of watching the family eating. I can't do justice to his description of Mom feeding the baby and herself at the same time, but trust me - I was suddenly glad they were only assaulting one of my senses!

Needless to say, the ambiance just wasn't great tonight. So we got a slice of cake (for my half-birthday) to go. If you'll excuse me, there's a zillion calories in the fridge calling my name.

Happy early birthday, Joshua.

3 Hours of Sleep Later

The answer to the question posed in last night's entry is only partly yes. The other part of the answer is "and continued low-grade constant pain with twinges of much worse pain."

The sunburn. It sucks.

This picture was taken Saturday morning when I was supposed to be packing to come home. That's the front of my right calf, taken from the perspective of the inside of the leg.

I've really tried to be strong and not whine, but jeez does it hurt! And stubble isn't helping matters any. My poor follicles are constantly being pulled back and forth by pants (pants are my new nemesis), but at this stage I still think the razor would do more harm than good. That's why there's no "here's how it looks 5 days later" photo. I mean, I normally crop my legs out of pictures. Taking a close-up of a fuzzy one? Unlikely!

Well, it's been lovely chatting with you and showing off my war wounds, but it's time for me to get ready to go to work. The timestamp is what makes that last sentence so funny.

Hormones...right?

I'm having some pretty deep misery right now. Don't worry, I know that my feelings are disproportionate to my troubles. And I know that this too shall pass. But right this minute I'm overwhelmed. Today started out so nicely, with baking banana bread followed by eating as much hot banana bread as possible while packing it to take to work. It was good. Then at 11:15 my day took a downturn. Here's the bullet points:

• Scott locked himself out of the house without his car keys, necessitating me leaving work for an hour and a half to let him in and therefore missing the potluck. (yes, we're already making plans for a hidden key)
• The 3rd shift meeting for Friday got rescheduled to tomorrow because a "big" manager decided he wanted to attend and Thursday was a better day for him. Two o'clock wake-up call, here I come!
• I got a voicemail from my doctor telling me that if I want a prescription (that we had previously discussed, and that the nurse told me on my last visit would be "called in to the pharmacy in about 10 minutes") that I would have to come in for yet another appointment. I didn't call her back because I was at work and prefer to not have those conversations in public.
• I had an e-mail disagreement with one of the managers I support. Is it really so hard to answer a yes/no question so I can get on with my job?
• I told Scott about the crappy voicemail from the doctor, which led to a crappy conversation about the dentist and how I still need to call them and reschedule the appointment that they same-day cancelled on me last month.
• I got another call from the doctor's office while on the phone with Scott, which I let go to voicemail. This time it was the nurse telling me I needed to schedule an appointment in order to get a prescription.
• I called back the office, navigating the phone tree only to get a receptionist who read my info and told me I needed to make an appointment. I refused and told her I needed to talk to the doctor. She connected me to the nurse.
• The nurse regurgitated the whole appointment thing again, and I reminded her that I was promised a new prescription on my last visit and that I shouldn't have to come back in because the doctor and I already discussed things. She said she'd check with the doctor again, and I told her that if I couldn't get that prescription then she could change my blood pressure medicine to one with different side effects. She said I'd have to come in for any medication change.
• I hung up the phone and cried.

My day really was overwhelmingly positive. My office mate saved me a plate of food from the potluck, I got to "rescue him right back," (bonus points to the person who gets that movie reference) work was mostly good, and of course there was banana bread. I'm trying SO HARD to focus on all of that, but instead I'm ready to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.

Of course, sleeping now would definitely be a good thing! I'll be home by 1:00 tomorrow. Maybe I'll sleep all afternoon, too.

Bananas

I woke up this morning an hour early to bake a loaf of banana bread to take to work. Of course, I didn't have the recipe. I believe I got the ingredients correct, but had no idea whether the oven was supposed to be set to 325 or 350. I had a strong feeling that it was supposed to be 325, but didn't have time or ingredients to fix a mistake. I checked 5 recipes on foodnetwork.com, and 4 of them said 350. So I went with that. That recipe is pretty forgiving, so I'm hoping that it comes out ok.

In other news, I watched two episodes of Glee last night - my first two episodes - and enjoyed it, but it didn't immediately hook me. The shows that I consider appointment TV (or at least DVR TV) are ones that I loved from the first episode I saw. So I think that Glee might be "if nothing else is on" viewing, but not much else. Jane Lynch, however, totally deserved that Emmy. She's a total scene stealer!

Speaking of appointment TV, David Hasselhoff and Jennifer "Baby" Grey are on DWTS this season!!! Also appearing will be Florence Henderson, Brandy, Michael Bolton, some athletes, some reality TV yahoos, and Bristol Palin (I think I might like her, despite her last name, but I'd like to know who's watching the baby while she's in Los Angeles). That starts this month, and I can't wait to see who will be the train wreck this year.

Thought for the Day

Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon. A happiness weapon. A Beauty Bomb. And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one. It would explode high in the air — explode softly — and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air. Floating down to earth — boxes of Crayolas. And we wouldn't go cheap either — not little boxes of eight. Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in. With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peace and lime, amber and umber and all the rest. And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination instead of death.

--Robert Fulghum

Shades of Beige

Exciting color palette, no? In real life, up close, these are all very different shades of beiges and yellows, painstakingly selected one at a time by holding them up to my tile sample. In the photo, they're more like different shades of boring! I'm ok with boring though, because I've come to the conclusion that paint shouldn't be the decoration in the home. It should be the foundation.

Even if you wear blue eyeshadow, you wouldn't color your whole face that way.

We had always considered yellow for both the living room and the kitchen, bot never at the same time. And it will make things easier to choose one shade for the whole downstairs. Yellow/beige will also look good with hardwood floors, should we ever decide to go that route. And once we pick a paint, we can figure out what to do with the empty walls.

Next step: finally deciding to use the tile above (or not) and actually ordering it. Once we have it in hand, we'll decide on the paint color. And then after we've painted? Our next door neighbors bought scrap marble at Lowe's for windowsills and it's beautiful. We're totally stealing that!

And then once the weather cools down, we're finally going to paint (or more likely just white prime) the garage. The bare drywall out there is really starting to annoy me.

Self-Writing Posts

The problem with blog posts that write themselves is that they don't publish themselves. Below is an e-mail exchange between me and Janette, about an e-mail exchange between me and Scott. It's a week old. Sorry for holding out on you for so long!

Janette,

I thought you’d get a kick out of the e-mail exchange between Scott and me this morning…

ME: And did you notice the two clumps of Elph hair upstairs in the hallway? I can tell you they appeared between 6:05 and 6:30, and that when I saw Milo at 6:30 he had a clump hanging off his mouth like the “bad kitty” on the pajamas!

SCOTT: Yeah,I heard the ruckus when you had just gotten into the shower, but it didn't continue for more than five seconds. I figured it was the two boys, guess I was wrong!

ME: Well I guess Elphie wasn’t happy with him at all. When I was toweling off, she was “hiding” (really, I guess she thinks she’s invisible) behind the orange shower
curtain and TWICE Milo went to jump into the tub and she swiped at him mid-jump
and made him fall. It was kind of hilarious, but poor Milo missed out on his morning “fresh” drink.

SCOTT: awww! I feel bad for both of them! I've seen them both this morning, not sure about together though

ME: Nah, don’t feel bad. It’s what siblings do. Well, I assume it’s what siblings do. Didn’t you and Janette ever rip each other’s hair out? ;-)

SCOTT: nah, just hand to hand combat, and mind games. :)

* * * * *

Aww, poor kitties. Well, the drama is just part of being siblings.

We bickered a lot. Scott was a PEST, at least that's the way I felt when I was in my teens (remember the age difference). I kept my bedroom door locked from the time he learned to crawl until I moved out. I swear-to-gawd he learned to walk by pulling himself up on my bedroom door knob and letting himself in. LOL!

I only remember hitting Scott 'for real' once, though we did have the very typical sibling wrestling matches. We were arguing over something stupid and forgettable and he was clearly losing when he suddenly and very dramatically yelled 'OW!!! Whaaaaaa! Mom, Janette hit me!!!! Whaaaaa!' And I hadn't laid a hand on him, the little snot.

I knew I was going to be in a world of trouble so I did the only reasonable thing. I smacked the holy crap out of him. I figured if I was 'going to do the time, I may as well do the crime.' That was one of the very few times in my childhood when I remember getting into real trouble. But I'm certain that smacking him up front prevented years of resentment.

Ask him if he remembers it, he was only about 6 or 7 years old at the time. I can SEE it like it was yesterday, we were standing in the hallway just bickering away until he became a little drama queen. Let me tell you, that was the first and last time he ever tried that little trick!

Other than that the worst thing I ever did to him was pull the warranty to the refrigerator out of mom and dad's dresser and tell him that it was his adoption papers. Much drama ensued and it took mom forever to convince him otherwise. THAT was awesome!

Scenes from the Pond

I was out back last night during the end of sunset chatting with the next door neighbors when Pond Log appeared in the middle of the pond and made his way toward us. He's getting less skittish than he used to be, but we went inside long before he was close enough to be a worry. I had the camera, (because I originally went outside to take a different picture that totally didn't turn out) and snapped a few pictures.

I left this one as a wide-shot because I thought the pretty sunset colors made the alligator a little less menacing.

This picture was a total accident. I didn't realize the flash was on, and as a result the photo was way too dark. Of course, the glowing eye impressive enough that I decided to keep it!

The last photo is one of those that didn't come off the camera in a timely manner. I took it a few weeks ago, and the storm front was so defined it looked fairly armageddon-ish. The storm turned out to be pretty minor... at least here. I imagine someone got walloped!

Pills, Pills, and More Pills

Last week was long and winding. My follow-up at the doctor landed me with another pack of prescriptions. This time I got a nasal spray (which I used for all of three days before I gave up on it - ick!), a pack of pills to clear out my sinuses, of which I took the last one this morning, and a low dose of blood pressure medicine. I'm particularly furious about the last. The doctor and I agreed to it for now until I can make enough lifestyle changes to come off of it. After all, who wants to stay on a drug with a warning like this? As much as I wanted to fight her on it, the fact is my BP is dangerously high. In my defense, I can say with a fair amount of certainty that it hasn't been this high for very long. Scott and I used to take our pressure every time we went to Publix before we moved. In the new store, the pharmacy is after the frozen foods, so we don't stop. But both numbers have gone up at least 20 points since I last checked.

So we're eating healthier. We're talking about walking. (yes, talking, baby steps man!) And we're using the existing junk food in the house to step-down to responsible choices. There's no reason to let perfectly good bacon go to waste, right? I'm in culture shock right now. Sure, I know that a bag of noodles & sauce is bad for me, but have you seen how much sodium is in a bag of flavored whole grain rice? (apparently eating one bag of rice as a meal was a bad call...to the tune of 60% of my RDA) Jeez!

And in the next month, I'm getting actual labs done - anyone want to bet what my cholesterol is going to be? - having my first full physical since high school, and I have an appointment with the "wellness nurse." I don't know what that means, but I'll let you know when I find out. I also let myself get suckered into a 7-week heart health seminar that starts this week. There are going to be guest speakers each week including a nutritionist and some other people. It's a night that Scott works late, and I couldn't think of an excuse to say no, so I signed up.

It's time to make a change. I think I'm also speaking for Scott when I say we're glad to have someone tell us to stop eating and acting like immortal fools. And I'm hoping that eventually my desire to drown myself in a pot of cheese sauce will subside. (note: when I say 'drown myself,' I really mean jump in and eat my way out with a spoon and a baguette. please don't call some hotline on me!)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have a chicken/cucumber/sprout sandwich on whole grain bread.

The Birds and the WHAT?

Did you know that little blue herons have red necks? It's true...check it out! And if you don't believe my identification, here's my proof.

And here's another bird picture. The snake birds love when the fountain gets out of sync with local time!

Oh, and don't you just love it when you find photos on your camera that you don't remember taking? Nope...no drunk photos here! Apparently Scott is documenting the way I'm most likely to die...and reminding me to wear shoes in the garage!

Unpleasant, party of two, your table full of poison is waiting.

I just asked Scott if he killed the spiders after he took the pictures and he said no, "I was waiting for you to see them." And he claims they aren't scary. I think he's full of crap!

Irony, Thy Name is Harley

Scott and I both saw the sick heron catch fish today. Separately. As in we collectively saw him catch and eat two fish. I guess that means he's "not dead yet."




Here's how the heron catches fish:
1. Walks sideways near the water in what could best be described as "bird's last steps"
2. Takes an ungraceful tumble face-first into the water
3. Emerges with a fish in its beak
4. Walks up the bank about 5 feet, prolonging the life of the fish and leading its human audience to believe she has time to grab the camera and take another "OMG BIRD WITH FISH" photo
5. Waits until she turns the camera on and gets to the glass door
6. Swallows fish whole and turns to walk away
7. Waits for human to put down the camera and then spits out a bone. Literally. That damn bird hocked something out about 2 feet. Scott saw it too.

He really does look a little better. Something still seems a little off, but he's not spending 16 hours a day out back anymore either. And now that I know the steps to a successful fishing excursion, eventually I'll get the damn picture!

Bird of the Day

What do we have here? This little guy really befuddled me this afternoon. Something about his behavior made me think he was a juvenile, but not so young as to need parents watching over him. And I knew I'd never seen a bird that looked so much like wet newsprint before.

After reading descriptions of every dark-feathered heron at allaboutbirds.org, I finally decided he's a little blue heron, probably about a year old. And how did I come to that conclusion? Well...

It is the only heron species in which first-year birds and adults show dramatically different coloration: first-year birds are pure white, while adults are blue... Enters adult plumage in the first spring after hatching and may be pied white and blue.

So I guess you could say he's in his ugly duckling phase right now. It's a good find for me, since I've only seen a little blue heron out there once or twice before.

In related news, it's been raining a lot this week. The pond is way swollen. Compare these two photos, taken back in April (with the ducks) and the yesterday:

OK, so maybe they don't look so vastly different in the pictures, but trust me. There's a lot more water out there now!

Air Freshener to Inhaler in Six Short Days

After dinner Thursday, Scott and I stopped in to Bath & Body Works because I needed some pretty-smelling hand sanitizer for my work desk. Sadly, they no longer make the size or the scent that I wanted, so I bought five 1-ounce bottles in different scents. And because it's physically impossible to walk into that store and not spend a mere $5, we also got these cute little portable air fresheners for each car.

I immediately opened Scott's and set it up in his car on our way home. Halfway through our 15 minute trip, I was ready to stick my head out the window. I figured this wouldn't be a problem for me. I had a plan. Rather than open the whole foil lid, I'd just poke a few air holes in the lid so that not as much scent would escape at once.

(This is basically how I always handle any sort of air fresheners. I just don't like a whole lot of scent.)

The next morning, I grabbed a safety pin and headed out the door. I opened the package and poked an air hole in the foil liner. I poked the air hole a little too far. Immediately, scented oil started to ooze out. Very scented oil started to ooze out.

I made it to work on Friday without incident, but the drive home was particularly bad. My eyes were watering, and I had to roll down the window despite the 90-degree weather. When I got home, I left the windows rolled down so that the car could air out over the weekend.

Almost right away, my throat got scratchy. At 8:15 Friday night, I tweeted, "I feel like my lungs are half filled with goop. Strange, I was fine this morning. Wheeeeze." I spent the weekend on the couch, not really coughing a lot, but definitely not breathing well.

I made it through two days of work, but by Tuesday afternoon I could barely keep mental focus on my job. I called in yesterday and had a diet of won ton soup, tea, and orange juice. And it just kept getting worse. Mucinex wasn't helping. Robitussin wasn't touching the cough. And only the ibuprofen seemed to be doing its job on my throat. (no, not combining cough medicines - I know better)

By bedtime, I knew I was going to need to call in again today, a fact that was abundantly clear at 2 am when I awoke to the feeling of a golf ball being shoved up into my sinuses. Up until that point, it had just been the lung goop, the cough, and the cough-related sore throat. And as I drifted off to sleep after the next coughing fit, I noticed that I had a "nose whistle" coming from my throat.

To recap: when I finally woke up for the day, I really thought I had pneumonia. I couldn't breathe at all through my nose, could barely breathe through my mouth, my sinuses were exploding, and every cough felt like it was coming from my spine. And don't get me started on the pain of sneezing!

I managed to get an appointment at the doctor, and I told her about the air freshener incident. After some looking and listening and some other questions, she said that most likely I had an allergic reaction to it, and that the irritation then got infected. The diagnosis: acute bacterial bronchitis (which I believe is just doctor speak for cough with green phlegm) and sinusitis. She gave me prescriptions for antibiotics, cough medicine (the "good" kind with narcotics), and a freaking inhaler!

It's been 4 hours and though I wouldn't say I feel good, I do feel alive. Trust me, it's an improvement. I'm still coughing and sneezing, but it's not as painful as before. Whether it's the inhaler or the cough medicine, I'm able to breathe more deeply (granted, still through my mouth!) than I have in days. And right now, breathing = peace and happiness.

As of right now, I'm planning to go to work tomorrow - for one day - and then I have a three day weekend. By the time I go back to work on Tuesday, I'll be finished my antibiotics and hopefully as good as new. And if not, at least I have my cough medicine with hydrocodone to help me care a little less...