An Open Letter to Friends and Family

Dear people who love me and/or care about me,

 

I love and/or care about you too. Though I rarely see you in person, the relationship we have – as family members, friends, or work acquaintances – means the world to me. Facebook has been such a blessing to me, enabling me to be so much more in touch with people who would otherwise just be on the Christmas card list…or would have lost contact with many moons ago. I get to see the weddings, the babies, the kids, the proms and graduations… all the happy moments I’d otherwise miss out on.

 

Mostly, I use Facebook to post day-to-day little blurbs about work or school, rarely using it to discuss bigger issues. Most of you don’t know why I don’t have kids. Or what I want to be when (if) I grow up. Do you know what’s up between me and my Dad? (really…do you? If you do, would you please tell ME?) It’s not that these things are a secret… it’s just that I think they require a treatment more in-depth than the 2-3 sentences my average Facebook status contains.

 

That’s why we are here. Welcome to my blog. It’s not much, especially not for the past 6 months, but it’s where I go to tell my tales, plan my future, and oftentimes vent about things that are upsetting me. But sometimes the really big issues don’t fit in this space either. Sometimes the words don’t come. Or the words would hurt someone else. So the words stay in my head, or are whispered to someone else. Anyway, I have brought you all here today because I have something to tell you. It still feels like the blog isn't the right venue, but I just can't do this one-on-one.

 

Scott and I are separated.

 

We have been since January. I haven’t told a lot of people, but since some of you are putting the pieces together on your own I thought now is probably as good a time as any to pull the Band-Aid off. I’m not going to discuss the details here. You are welcome to ask questions, but I reserve the right to not answer. Based on the questions and comments I’ve gotten so far, I’m including a proactive “FAQ/C” section below. I’ll be adding to it over the next few days if needed.

 

Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Lots of reasons, really. Among them:

I wanted things to stabilize between Scott and me…

I know how judgmental I am and wasn’t ready to be judged by other people…

I couldn’t figure out how to make such a big pronouncement (and surprisingly “announcing break-up on Facebook” doesn’t really yield a lot of good Google search results).

 

OK, but why didn’t you tell ME sooner? I told people who needed to know for various reasons (such as Florida vacations that involved staying at the house I wasn’t living in at the time) and people I needed to know. I don’t think I told more than 4 or 5 people outside of those I see every day. If you are feeling left out or hurt, please consider the last time we confided anything in each other.

 

This news makes me feel . I appreciate that you care, but at this time I have enough feelings of my own to deal with. I can’t really process yours as well. Thank you for sharing, and I regret that I am unable to help you through this difficult time.

 

Your decisions and actions are hurtful to Scott. Thank you for looking out for him. Please allow me also to thank you on his behalf. At this point, my relationship with Scott is between me and Scott. I am aware that actions have consequences, but hopeful that he will always have a place in my life.

 

Your decisions and actions are hurtful to God. Thank you for looking out for Him. Please allow me also to thank you on His behalf. At this point, my relationship with God is between me and God. I am aware that actions have consequences, but hopeful that He will always have a place in my life.

 

Do I have to un-friend Scott on ? Of course not! Neither of us is asking anyone to pick sides. Besides, I’m guessing if we did make you choose one of us, you’d choose him.

 

What happened? Someday maybe I’ll look back on this whole situation with clarity and be able to adequately explain. Maybe at that time I’ll share what I figure out. Honestly though, that is likely to be a conversation between me and a professional paid to listen to me and keep my personal stuff in confidence.

 

Wow…that really sucks. Yes…yes it does.

 

What’s next? There’s a good reason I decided to throw myself into academics for the next two semesters. “An idle mind… something something something,” right? After that, I guess we’ll see.

 

What do you need? I have to admit, every time someone has asked me this or offered a room to sleep in or a shoulder to cry on, it has surprised and humbled me. Like I said, I have spent a lot of time over the years judging other people, so the people who have offered to prop me up have shown me how I should have behaved all along, and certainly how I hope to be in the future. Right now, I don’t need anything. But thank you for asking. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

 

If you’re still reading, thank you. 800+ words later, I guess you must care! Nothing about this situation has been easy. I realize I’m not really in a position to ask for sympathy, and I honestly don’t expect it or really need it. However, I respectfully request that you understand that this wasn’t done to you and isn’t about you. If your first reaction to this letter is any of the first five I outlined above, please don’t share it with me. And if you do, please don’t be upset if you don’t get the response you hoped for.

 

But enough about me…what do YOU think of me? Just kidding…I don’t want to know!

 

Love,

Jamie

Summer and Fall Switch-Up

Six Classes.

I have six classes to go until I finally have my Bachelor of Arts degree.

I'm feeling particularly good about school right now.  After nailing my final papers in both classes (which means a 90% in the hard-grader-from-Hell Business Writing class and a 100% in the easier-than-it-should-have-been Staffing & Training in Organizations class), I finished this semester with an A- and an A.  These grades, averaged with the B and A- from last semester, qualify me for Dean's List.

Dean's List Again?  Again.  Who IS this academic wonder?

Unfortunately, my plans for "suicide summer" have fallen through.  It turns out student loans have an annual cap, and I already hit it. 

And so, I took my half of the tax return and registered for one (debt-free) class.  And then I realized I would be getting my tuition reimbursed for both classes this semester, so I registered for another summer class.  I'll be paying for that one once I get my money.

Strangely enough, neither of the two classes I'm now registered for in the summer were on my original summer class list.  I decided to take one of the classes I was dreading during the summer when I would be able to devote all of my attention to it.  It's my writing-intensive class, LER 458Y: History of Work in America, and the sample syllabus indicates it is also research-heavy.  Oh, and compressed into a semester that's 1/4 shorter.  (it seemed a good idea when I was only taking one class. now it seems like a good brain stretcher!)

On top of that, I added LER 401: The Law of Labor-Management Relations.   I chose this class for two reasons: I've always loved law classes, and if I decide to go for my Master's through Penn State this class also counts toward that program (as did the Training class this semester, and as does LER 444 below).

Two classes scheduled, four to go!

I have flip-flopped my Summer and Fall schedules at least three times now, but I'm fairly confident that my Fall schedule is going to stick.  I decided to take a whopping three classes, mostly because I know I can:

LER 136: Race, Gender and Employment - This is a degree requirement with three required textbooks (WHY can't they just pick one?).  Also, almost half of the grade is tied up in group work.  Since this is 100-level, I'm assuming it's going to be a weed-out class and needlessly difficult.

LER 444: Occupational Health: Policy and Practice - A lot of my current job revolves around OSHA regulations, so this felt like a natural fit for me.  This one should also qualify for tuition reimbursement. 

ASIA 100: What is Asia? - Yep, totally serious on this one.  Compared to my other options to meet the "other cultures" BA requirement, this looks like the most interesting class.

So, between Summer and Fall, I have five of my six graduation requirements scheduled.  The only other graduation requirement I'll have in Spring will be LER 312: Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations.  I don't really know why I'm putting this one off, but I know I am dreading it.  It's four credits (most classes are three), and the sample syllabus actually contains the following text: "This may end up being one of the toughest courses you take, but you will end up with a finished product that you can give to employers and graduate admissions committees as a writing sample. Good luck."

So if Summer and Fall kick my ass, I'll take it easy in the Spring and just take that one class.  However, my plan right now is to find another interesting course to round out my schedule.  Whether that ends up being a fluff class in or out of my major (shame they don't offer underwater basket weaving online...) or another class that doubles for a future Master's program is very much up in the air.

So what's with the Master's talk?  Well, I started looking at the money to be made in HR.  Sure, the purpose of the degree was so that I could move up in my current organization and stay focused on training, but I've seen what my organization pays its front-line managers.  I also learned an awful lot about recruiting and staffing in the class this semester and I realized that HR has a lot of interesting components.  Combined with my HR-ish years of experience in my current position, a Master's makes it much more likely that I move up quickly.  Part of me wonders whether an extra $25,000 investment will pay itself off, and part of me even wonders whether I could be accepted into this program, but I know I've been banging my head against the "no degree" ceiling for the past 13 years and I don't want to bang into the "no Master's" ceiling in another 3-5.

As soon as I graduate, I'm also going to get signed up to take the PHR certification.  In addition to finally being one of those people with letters behind their name, I've noticed that a lot of employers prefer that you be certified even for HR Generalist positions.  It would be best to take the test before all of my undergrad learning bleeds out, since only a small portion revolves around training.

...and so, now we are all caught up on the minutiae of Jamie's Academic Progress.  Any questions?

Not Quite a Vacation

Take a look at my summer work schedule.  The days in dark green are regular days off, light green are vacation days, and blue are work days.

In the 42 days from May 12 to June 22, I'll be at work only 19 days.

Sounds fabulous, right?

Not quite.

I figured out a plan to graduate this December, and have decided to go ahead and bust my butt this summer to accomplish that.  Four courses in twelve weeks.  Actually, two of those courses will be finished in six weeks - the six weeks you see above.  I figured that I generally only spend one full day and a few evening hours a week on two courses, so I shouldn't have any trouble adding another two courses if I take a few days off from work.  And at the end of the six weeks, I return to normal work and finish the other two classes.

Of course, this pretty much means that I'll be squeezing five days of work into a three day week.  It also means squeezing four classes worth of knowledge into my brain at once.

Can I do it?  YES I CAN!
(I think)

...and once I finish my crazy summer, I'll just have two classes to go in the fall.

So what's on the agenda?

LER 136 - Race, Gender, and Employment (major requirement) - Employment relations and legislative and policy responses to labor force issues of racial and gender inequality.
LER 312 - Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations (major requirement) - Provides an understanding of social science research as employed in the field of Human Resources and Employment Relations.
LER 464 - Communication Skills for Leaders in Groups and Organizations (hoping to get tuition reimbursement from work for this one) - Theory-and research-based communication skills for leaders dealing with work-related problems in contemporary groups and organizations.
ANTH 011 - Introductory North American Archaeology (fulfills "other cultures" requirement for BA) - Introduction to archaeology of the North American Indians; sites, methods, and results of research interpreted in cultural history.

Wish me luck.  I'm hoping this doesn't actually become the "suicide summer" that I've been joking about!

Highs and Lows

I think this screenshot says a lot about my running progress: 19 miles one week, then only 2 the next.  Then again, this week has been pretty much covered in a layer of snot, so I guess 2 miles just has to be good enough.  Don't worry about my snot though, I have been advised by the doctor that I have the common cold, and sleep and lots of water (and some zyrtec and mucinex) will fix me up in no time.  I hope so...I miss breathing!

School starts back up this week.  I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. Break seems to have gone on forever, and my brain is already starting to feel mushy again.

Closing the Book on 2012

It's weird to say, but I'm hesitant to leave 2012 behind.  It's been such an amazing year for me. How can next year possibly match it?

You've all been along with me for the ride, and I'm not going to re-hash everything that happened.  You can read the archives if you want.  There were only 45 posts this year...shouldn't take too long.  Anyway, here is my traditional year-end non-sequitor overly-hyphenated wrap-up: (the first word in each sentence links back to the first blog post of each month)

I'm not making resolutions.  First of all, I would like to point out that I'm actually following through on the arbitrary goals I put on myself.  On my 30th birthday, my co-worker Donna bought me a big ol' mylar "30" balloon. I wish I had a picture...I think you'd be impressed. This is officially the highest GPA I've had in my collegiate life (previous part-time summer semesters were both in the 3.6 area), and I freaking earned it!

Just a quick update for posterity: Yesterday, I ran my first mile in 13.58 minutes. 

I called Sirius-XM this afternoon because my most recent promotional rate was about to expire.  I thought I'd preserve for posterity a section of the last paper I had to write for my Industrial/Organizational Psychology class this semester.  This kid started kindergarten today.  The duct tape on my feet held perfectly.  When I get the cooking bug, it's pretty inconvenient with the working and the studying and the exercise... ok, mostly the working and the studying, but I digress.  I had a long training run this morning - 8 miles - and during that time, I found myself doing a little reflection.
Hardly seems to cover everything, but I guess it touches on the highlights.  I can't even imagine what's in store for the next 12 months. 

Bring on 2013!

Some School Numbers

We're now at the end of my third semester back at school, and I really believe I'm going to survive this goal.  Some random stats to throw out:

Fall 2012 GPA: 3.34
Cumulative GPA: 2.44 (it's mathematically impossible to raise that even up to 3.0 before I graduate)
Major GPA: 3.33
Minor GPA: 3.17

2012 Grades: 3 A's, 2 A-'s, 1 B

So, that's where we stand.  It's about time to start searching for cheap textbooks for Spring semester. I've got English 202 (Business Writing) and LER 426 (Staffing & Training Strategies).  Guess which one I'm looking forward to more...

12.43

I didn't do any more running after I nabbed this screenshot from my RunKeeper app, but did walk a slow 1/2 mile with Scott. I thought I was DONE, but 4 houses past ours, I was ready to run again.

12.43/mile. The me of 8 months ago (and 6 and 4 and 2 months ago) can't freaking believe it. The me of today is looking forward to adding a second sub-13 mile in a row, but knows that's at least a month away. She also knows it'll happen. After all, my previous PR was 13.02!

She's feeling sort of invincible right now.