Our second trip to Tampa for our season tickets to the theater (which I like to say because it sounds so gosh darn pretentious!) was yesterday. We saw a new show called Wonderland, which was good and bad, wrapped into one. Fabulous performances by the male and female leads knocked me on my butt, and I loved about half the music. I had trouble with the story not being flushed out enough, and the costuming seemed sort of half-assed for the magnitude of the story, but hey - it was a fun night out.
Instead of talking about the show, I'd like to tell you about the old lady sitting next to me. This woman was also next to me when we went to see In the Heights in October, so I'm guessing she's also a season ticket-holder, and will therefore be at every show we see. Before the show, Scott and I both noticed that she was holding her purse on her lap, and was eating something out of her purse with a plastic spoon. I think it was one of those pudding cups from the grocery store. And I think I smelled butterscotch. Of course, we're now calling her Puddin'. It totally fits!
Well halfway through act 2, Puddin' decided to spoon with me. Either her hemorrhoids were flaring up, or she was really cold... or maybe she just needed a nap. All of a sudden, she shifts her weight to her left hip (she's sitting to my left, in case you needed the visual), and presses her butt square against the side of my leg. I tried moving closer to Scott, but her butt filled in the empty space. I tried nudging her with my leg - a sort of "sorry to bother you, but you seem to be inappropriately molesting my leg in a way that's really creeping me out and BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH BAD TOUCH" message, but she wasn't taking the hint.
So I went to my happy place and levitated outside my body for the rest of the show. What else could I have done?
Thankfully, Scott has generously offered to trade seats with me for the next show. Actually, he flat-out refused to trade seats when I asked, but I'm thinking he was kidding and will happily take turns cuddling the stranger. It's only fair, right?