08 February, 2011

Crazy People

Scene: Waiting room of doctor's office
Time: 7:04 am

Man: I'm here for bloodwork...and whoever I'm with, make sure they know I'm really bad with needles.
Receptionist: (smiling) Just let them know when they come and get you. They'll take care of you.
Man: OK, because I can't handle needles at all.

Time: 7:08 am

Woman: Does he even know I'm here?
Receptionist: Excuse me?
Woman: Does he know I'm here? My appointment was at 7. I have to be at work at 7:30 and I can't wait much longer.

Time: 7:12 am

Nurse: Number 2061? (we are handed pagers when we check in, but rather than actually use the pagers, they use them like those take-a-number strips at the deli)
Woman from above: Do you know where Dr. M is?
Nurse: Do I... know where he is?
Woman: I had a 7:00 appointment and (rising from chair) forget it. I have to go. I'm going to be late for work. (slams pager down at reception desk and storms out)

Time: 7:25 am

Man from above: I'm really bad with needles.
Phlebotomist: Okay, no problem.
Man: No, I'm really bad with needles. So make sure I don't see one at all or I'll freak out.
Vampire: Okay...
Man: I once had one (pause for dramatic effect) break off inside me!
Man: umm...
Vampire: did you have any water this morning?
Vampire: ok, I'm going to go and get you some water and give you a chance to calm down.
Man: okay...
(Vampire grabs an empty styrofoam cup and literally bolts from the room.  Jamie, in the next chair over, realizes that this man is between her and the exit and wills her blood to pump out faster so that she can escape before he pukes)

These are verbatim conversations from this morning.  I'm not sure how the crazy woman EVER thought she'd be in and out of the doctor's office in 25 minutes or less (I'm giving her a minimum of 5 minutes travel time to work).  And really, if she starts at 7:30, she's done at 4. The doctor is open until 7 pm - why not schedule an after-work appointment?  You KNOW she went to her work location raving about the terrible service there.  And to think - she didn't even have a chance to sit in an empty exam room for a minimum of 10 minutes! 

As for the man, pardon the expression, but MAN UP!  Put on your big girl panties and suffer quietly. No one - not even the person doing the blood draw - gives a damn about how afraid you are of needles.  It's not going to make her do her job any more gently. If anything, it could make her nervous and end up hurting you even more.  Especially since the girl taking his blood is the one who blew out both of my elbow veins last time.

I wonder if they both survived?

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