So... I did something moderately stupid last night. I was on the couch dozing to an 11:30 pm re-run of That 70's Show and decided to move to the bedroom. I was super-tired yesterday (stress and lack of desire to be at work may have contributed) and thought perhaps I could fall asleep before Scott got home.
Once I was in bed, I turned on the TV and somehow ended up watching MSNBC's "9/11 as it Happened," which was basically a mildly edited replay of The Today Show from that morning. I don't watch stuff like this - mostly because Scott won't watch it again, but partly because it just takes you instantly to a very dark place. But for some reason, there I was, unable to change the channel or even think about falling asleep.
In 2001, my Dad was glued to ABC, and the only TV voice I remember from that day was Diane Sawyer. I actually think the coverage would've been harder for me to watch last night if it had been ABC's coverage instead of NBC's. But I'm a little bit glad that I watched it. There was some really great journalism going on that day. Matt Lauer and Katie Couric ended up looking like interns in the shadow of Tom Brokaw. HE got it. He grasped that they were reporting on a world-changing event long before the other two. But what impressed me the most was their Pentagon reporter, whose phone-ins started with "there was an explosion - it might have been a construction accident" to "bomb in the heli-port" to the conclusion of "another airplane."
I don't think I'm likely to watch anything like that again. Now, remembering the event just makes me sad. But last night, I remembered just how scary that day and the next few were. The day after, every time one of those damn tourist helicopters flew over, we all looked up and wondered what we were hearing and whether it was about to come crashing down. I hadn't thought about that in 5 or more years. And I don't want to remember the fear. It just doesn't seem necessary.
So from now on, I'll watch the current news coverage. I'll see the memorials. I'll remember the past, but I won't immerse myself in it again. It's just too much.
2 comments:
We have these dates ... dates that take us back to a place in time. 9/11 is a public one, like when the space shuttle blew up, or like when we landed on the moon (if you're old) or like when JFK was shot (if you're really old!)
I didn't see any coverage of that day this time ... you know me and TV ... but I remembered exactly where I was and what I was doing.
Not to go off topic, because in my opinion that date was so important in this country's fate. I think it marks a watershed event.
But I wanted to comment on something else. When I think about where I was THAT day, I can say that most of TODAY was absolutely unknowable to me. We're both married to men we didn't know on that day. I'm living in a new place that seems more like home to me than any other place in my life, and I never even heard of it 7 years ago! I had never been a caregiver, or a school teacher, or a nanny. I hadn't had a hot flash yet!
Seven is the number of completion. Seven years ago, on 9/11, I was working at Chick-fi-A, and here I am again. How weird! In most ways my whole universe has been altered in 7 years ... but in this one way, nothing has changed.
Last night, I watched 102 minutes of terror ... or something like that ... on the history channel. It was so horrible! I couldn't stop sobbing! Every fireman being filmed (presumably for the 5 o'clock news) was walking into his grave!
I don't want to remember how I felt then. I don't want to relive the terrible sadness ... but too, I think it's a crime to forget! We NEED to remember!
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