27 October, 2009

What Was I Thinking?

I signed up for November NaBloPoMo this morning. Why? Well, certainly not because I have a great deal to say. But I've done it the past two years, and November is the real NaBloPoMo, so I'd hate to miss it. Plus, there's prizes (that I've never won).

Right now, I'm toying with the idea of forcing myself to sit down every day and write a full paragraph of only positive things. It's like therapy. I'm so miserable at work that I have to force myself out the door every morning. And I cry almost every night. I'm not blaming work for all of that. I'm tired. My sleep cycle is messed up - every other morning my body wants to be awake before 7, and then I sleep 12 hours the next night. I've still got moving related stress (primarily the knowledge that we're not going to be able to put off forever the lugging of old cat pee-stained furniture down 3 flights of stairs for much longer).

But you know what? My job really is sucking the life out of me. From the same manager, I get "you need to scale back to your normal job responsibilities and stop taking on extra projects," AND "you need to find and schedule competent people to work overtime in here." Hey dude...I'm not the draft board. And right now I can't in good conscience ask anyone to come into this rabbit hole and work in the world where you keep changing the rules every 10 minutes.

I'm stuck. There's still no comparable jobs opening within the company, and my job on the outside world would probably result in a $4/hour pay cut. We can't afford that with the mortgage over our heads.

So like I was saying, maybe forcing myself to spend 10 minutes a day thinking about something good isn't such a bad idea. Plus, we've got 2 plays to see and an open house to host coming up... at least I'll have something to talk about!

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