10 March, 2010

Open Letter to Lindsay Lohan

Dear Lindsay,

I commend you on your decision to never work again. I can only assume that is your plan, given your $100 million lawsuit against E-Trade. It must have been difficult, being famous before puberty, though I imagine the money you made off the Disney movie machine probably would have allowed you to retire at 25 and live a modest, comfortable life. Your unfortunate stints in rehab, your partying, and your mooching family members probably drained a lot of your funds. I sympathize.

But you, rather than making a B horror movie or a TV show or a porno, have decided frivolous lawsuits are your ticket to the Promised Land.

"Many celebrities are known by one name only, and E-Trade is using that knowledge to profit," [the lawyer] said.

"They used the name Lindsay," Ovadia said. "They're using her name as a parody of her life. Why didn't they use the name Susan? This is a subliminal message. Everybody's talking about it and saying it's Lindsay Lohan."

The ad in question uses the phrase, "that milkaholic Lindsay." That's it. THAT'S worth $100 million in pain and suffering to you? Frankly, I wonder how many people out there don't know at least one person named Lindsay besides you. And while I agree with your lawyer's assertion that the use of the names Oprah or Madonna (or maybe even Angelina or Britney) may have been a legitimate mis-use of celebrity, I don't agree that you have the same single name recognition. I've heard your referred to as "LiLo" and "La-Lohan," but never just "Lindsay."

I'm sorry to see that this is how you have decided to spend your adult years. Some young stars who go through a wild phase come out clean and respected on the other side. Perhaps you should reach out to Drew Barrymore for some advice in this area. But best wishes on your retirement. Try to stay out of rehab - I hear it's a budget buster!


(who also has single name least on this blog)

1 comment:

wickedmess said...

Meh. IMHO the gorilla mother at Animal Kingdom is trying harder to contribute to society than Lindsay. I guess we can be thankful that La-Lohan hasn't yet decided to reproduce.

Should you need more of my opinion on the subject:

*I'm not surprised.
*She must be following the advice of her deranged parents as usual.
*It's easier to sue for her money than to work for it.
*Hey, it got people talking about her without her having to flash her coochie! So that's a positive step, right?