Smelling of Wine and Laundry Detergent

Yeah, that's a knife sticking out of a wine bottle. If you are observant, you may have also noticed the bits of cork scattered across the kitchen counter or the purple splatter on that canister of bread crumbs on top of my lunch box. Out of the frame are the purple spots on the floor, my face, the wall behind me, and the upper counter by the tea kettle.

"But Jamie, why didn't you use that corkscrew right next to the wine bottle?"

I tried. That's where the bits of cork came from.

So after I failed spectacularly with the corkscrew (and yes, I realize the wine opening technology has improved vastly since the 1970's), I tried the vegetable peeler. And then I tried the paring knife.

I'm not sure what I expected to happen, but I definitely hadn't anticipated the Molotov Rioja! I'm also rather impressed that my eyes sealed themselves shut just before the shower. Sadly, I needed to open my eyes to find the paper towel, and I can report that red wine burns just as much as shampoo or face wash.

I left the knife in the bottle while I went to change, and leave my (thankfully) red sweater and brown t-shirt in the washer soaking. I took evidence photos. And I wiped up the counter before the wine had a chance to stain... well, almost. I'm sure Scott will be able to get the last of it out with something stronger than a Clorox wipe!

And then I tried to pull out the knife and cork. It didn't work, and I had to push the knife back down to get it un-stuck. And you know what happened? I bet you do! But somehow I didn't expect the same damn thing to happen again! Of course, this time the wine got all over my white t-shirt, which I'm still wearing because - meh - it's an old shirt that I only wear to bed anyway.

I still wanted to at least try the wine, despite the bad cork omen. So I poured it through a metal strainer to catch the tiny bits of cork. I actually don't think the wine is bad, especially considering the cork and the metal trauma it had been through. Sadly, I can't possibly save it. My only other vacuum topper is on a bottle of white that I enjoyed much more, and the cork is still floating in the bottle.

So cheers to you! Anyone have a story that will make me feel better about this?