Yeah...

I'm here and alive, and that's about all I can say right now. It's lay-off week, and everyone I work with is on edge. There's some gallows humor, but mostly just gallows. Rumors abound, most beginning with "my friend X has a friend who got laid off today. here's what they said..."

People handle such stress in different ways. Some are not taking on any long-term projects (you know, so that if they leave the project won't be forgotten). Some are testy. Some have withdrawn into themselves and stopped responding to the stuff around them that needs attention. Someone actually said goodbye to me last night. "It's been nice working with you!" That felt like overkill to me!

And then there's me. I don't really think I'm going to lose my job. I do think there's a good chance that at least one person I know will. If someone from my office goes, that means that my schedule is going to change. There's no way around that. If one of my managers goes, I don't know what's going to happen.

It's strange that once again I've been forced into the role of reassurer to people around me. "Don't worry about me - I'll be fine." Shouldn't someone be saying that to ME? Truth be told, Scott and I have been taking turns. He's having a bad week too, and he has to work an overtime shift tomorrow. Sometimes he's worried about me, sometimes I'm worried about him. I guess it works.

Mostly, I'm depressed. I can't focus and all I want to do is sleep. And maybe cry. Mostly sleep. Tomorrow I'll probably do both. I've been told that if anyone in my department is going, that they'll know by Friday. I sure hope so. The stress is eating me alive.