03 October, 2010

Hard to Say Goodbye

It's been a rough 24 hours around here. Our plans for a fun day out and about were replaced by an unplanned trip to the local Humane Society. Did you know that spiteful non-litterbox peeing is behavioral and once it starts is nearly impossible to stop? It took me the better part of 8 years to come to that realization and to finally act on the decision that Scott and I had made at least twice a year for at least the past four years.

So I sobbed in the shower, sobbed after the shower, sobbed as I sat in the bathroom with Kilo, brushing him and scratching his head while he sat on my lap and purred, sobbed when I had to man-handle him into the cat carrier, sobbed when I let Elphie in to say goodbye, sobbed in the car the whole way there, sobbed while I waited in the car for Scott, sobbed the whole way home, and sobbed for a while after that.

It took me a while to realize that no matter what happens now, we gave him a good home and we loved him. Milo and Elphie loved him. And even if he's not here with us, he'll always be a part of this family. He's peppered throughout the photo albums, this blog, and the one before it. I just hope that in time the guilt and anger I feel now will fade and I can focus on the happy memories like the ones below...

And here's one more. I took it Friday night, before we knew that would be his last night here. He was howling at the glass door, and when I went to investigate I saw he and the neighbor cat were having quite a conversation. They could be (fun house) mirror images of eachother.

Truthfully, I didn't think I'd miss him at all. But the house seems a little too quiet now. I hope he's ok, and I hope he forgives me for giving up on him. It really was the hardest decision I've ever had to make.


Jamie the ParkHopper said...

And the first assjack who says "poor kitty" or anything along those lines earns him/herself a one-way ticket to the top of my shit list.

mamajoy said...

I'm more inclined to say, "poor Jamie!" Remember getting rid of Casey? It was AWFUL! Knowing that it had to be done, and there was no other recourse, didn't do a THING to ease the pain.