Timeline

Often, the periods between my blog posts are either filled with negative things I'd rather not talk about or negative space -- nothing at all to talk about.

This time, it's been absolutely crazy around here.  I kept thinking, "I need to blog this," only to decide that sleep was a more effective use of my time.  But so much has happened and is about to happen that I feel I need to document.  So here is a timeline of the past two weeks and the next five weeks:

The Past Two Weeks:

May 10: Graduation Day!!  Celebrated by Park Hopping with Mom

May 11: Mother's Day -- celebrated with Mom

May 13: Got a call to schedule a job interview

May 14: 14th Company anniversary -- celebrated by going to the doctor. (I'm fine)

May 15: Job interview

May 17: Return to Magic Kingdom, this time to get a sneak-peek of the new Seven Dwarfs Mine Train ride with Cindy, a former intern who worked on the project over the past year. (that's her screaming next to me in the photo to the left. Kat, who was an apprentice at DAK a few years back, is behind my right shoulder)  The ride is great, and I'd say a wait of up to 40-60 minutes is acceptable.  The queue is shaded and has activities.  While at MK, I also did the Hall of Presidents, Haunted Mansion, TTA, and had a Dole Whip.

May 19 (morning): First day of grad school! 

May 19 (afternoon): JOB OFFER!!

May 20-23: Flurry of work-related activities, including trying to wrap up projects, tell people I'm leaving, make sure my area's training compliance doesn't crash & burn while there's no one in my position, learning about my new position... and of course, still trying to get through my normal daily tasks while my head is 8,000 other places at once!

Today/Tomorrow: 

Homework for week one. This includes 2 essays, a quiz, reading 4 chapters in textbooks, and watching a 40-minute movie.  

Next Week:

Monday: Memorial Day; planning to spend it getting ahead on next week's homework so that next weekend I can knock out as much of the following week's homework as possible

Wednesday: getting fingerprinted. 

Some other day: take my car to the dealership to get her road trip ready

Weekend: lots of homework, laundry, and maybe try to start packing

Week of June 1:

Last week in my current job!  Currently, my plans are to work Sun-Thurs (or work 4 10-hour shifts Mon-Thurs).  I'm going to need to pack and move all of my personal stuff out of the office.  There's a lot, including a large metal zebra, race bibs, and a bunch of stuff on the wall.

Thursday: Last day at DAK.  Potluck with my team. I'm planning to be a soggy sobbing mess by Thursday afternoon.

Friday: Leave for vacation early morning*

Saturday: Arrive in Philly in time to pick up my race packet for ODDyssey, spend the night in the city

Weeks of June 8 & 15:

Sunday 6/8: ODDyssey Half Marathon, head over to Jackie's house (my home base for these weeks)

Rest of the time: Bum around PA/NJ, catch up with as many friends and family as possible, do homework, possible trip up to NYC, eat LOTS of pizza, bagels, Chinese...

Week of June 22:

Traveling to Penn State for week-long summer intensive "Seminar in Employment Relations" class on campus.  If not for everything else going on in my life right now, this would be the highlight of my summer.  I'll be staying on campus (in a dorm building that wasn't there when I left 14 years ago), spending most of each day in class, and actually interacting and networking with my classmates.

June 28-29: Drive home

June 30: Start my new job

It's far too much to process logically.  The best I can do right now is to keep breathing, make lots of to-do lists as things pop into my head, and do my best to stop and enjoy the ride whenever possible.  I'm sure I'll check in between now and the end of June, but at least now you know where I'll be!

*Yes, I'm leaving home for three weeks.  Scott is going to be staying here, enjoying some roommate-free living and cuddling with the kitties.  I'm so glad our friendship is "ok" enough that he's willing to do that for me.

Submitted

I just uploaded my research paper -- the final assignment of my undergrad career.

It feels so momentous!

On one hand, I did the math last week and realized that even if I got a 0 on this paper, I'd still have a C in the class and would therefore be graduating regardless.  On the other hand, now I really feel done...and I most definitely didn't half-ass this last assignment.  I'm pretty proud of the way it turned out.

So I guess this means I have crossed the finish line...but it'll be another two months probably before I get the "medal" for this race.  I won't actually refer to myself as a college graduate until the 10th, but I am definitely looking forward to updating my resume and removing that "anticipated graduation..." caveat right away.

It only took me seven semesters to complete my degree, though it really feels like I've been at this much longer.  AND if I keep on my current trajectory, I should have my Master's completed in six semesters more.

Huzzah!

Facebook Post for Posterity

Yep...I found out on Wednesday that I got into my first choice (ok, only choice) Master's Degree program.  If all goes as planned, I should be finished in 2016 with an M.P.S. (Master of Professional Studies) in Human Resources and Employment Relations.

We got word two Mondays ago that they were finalizing decisions and should be notified by email within two weeks.  Of course, I had been compulsively checking my email during that entire period, and when I finally got word (at 10:31 am) I pretty much totally freaked out.  I texted my mom right away, printed out the acceptance letter, put the above post up on Facebook, and may have squealed, jumped, and happy-danced in my office (and the hallway by the secretary's desk...and the kitchen).  It took at least 1/2 hour before my hands stopped shaking!

I already had plans to go to lunch with a friend, and as you can imagine, my poor dining companion had to endure random "I'M A GRAD STUDENT" moments peppered throughout our meal.  He was a good sport about it though.  And for the rest of the work day, I was almost completely unable to focus on my job.

My officemate was off on Wednesday, so she got the news first thing Thursday morning.  Later on that day, we were joking about the idea of a rhino escaping and running through neighborhoods for days until the cops could finally catch it (there was context, I swear).  I tried to compare it to those stories of monkeys swinging amok in neighborhoods, and when my mouth started moving faster than my brain could catch up I accidentally used the phrase "until they catched it."  I immediately threw in a "caught...durrr!" once I realized what I'd said, but without missing a beat she turned around and said "ok, GRAD STUDENT!"  I laughed, and figured out that this probably isn't going to be the last time my stupidity is held up against a new standard.

Anyway, no rest for the weary.  My final paper is due by May 2, graduation is May 10, and summer semester starts on May 19.

Wish me luck!!

The Final Push

There was a point when I ran the Ten-Miler last year - somewhere between mile 7 and 8 - when I knew I was going to finish that race.  Starting with the day I paid the registration fee and at least once a day every day in between, I had doubts.  Would I give up?  Would my feet survive? Would I get scooped up by the Van of Shame?  But that moment when I realized I could finish was even more emotional for me than when I actually did finish.  Sure, there are a hundred things that could have gone wrong in those last 2-3 miles.  But the doubts were gone.  I knew I was going to do it.  I was doing it.  The worst was behind me, and I was able to look around and enjoy my moment.

Fast-forward to today.  I got my 2013-14 academic planner in the mail from World Campus and flipped to May.  There it was in black and white, printed and bound and in my hands...

May 9-11
Spring Commencement Weekend

I took a picture of the planner page and posted it to Twitter. Someone from the World Campus team tweeted back and said, "you didn't fill it in yet!"  It hadn't even occurred to me.  It's still so far away... hundreds of things could still go wrong.  But then all of a sudden I knew. The doubts are gone.  I know I'm going to do it.  I am doing it. The worst is behind me and I'm going to enjoy this.  So I went online and looked up the spring commencement schedule and I filled it in:

I haven't decided whether I'll make the trip up.  It's expensive.  It's impersonal.  I don't want to go by myself.  But it's not the ceremony that matters.  283 days from today I will finally be a college graduate.  And 4-6 weeks after that, I'll have a piece of paper to prove it.

...and maybe, just maybe, a year from today I'll be getting ready to start grad school. 

To Be Continued...

For now, I want to remember this day, when I got irrationally emotional about filling in a date on a calendar.  Today I realized I might not be close enough to the end of the race to see the finish line, but I know exactly where it is and the route I need to take to get there.  This is my moment.

This is the day
See it sparkle and shine
When all I've lived for
Becomes mine!

Summer and Fall Switch-Up

Six Classes.

I have six classes to go until I finally have my Bachelor of Arts degree.

I'm feeling particularly good about school right now.  After nailing my final papers in both classes (which means a 90% in the hard-grader-from-Hell Business Writing class and a 100% in the easier-than-it-should-have-been Staffing & Training in Organizations class), I finished this semester with an A- and an A.  These grades, averaged with the B and A- from last semester, qualify me for Dean's List.

Dean's List Again?  Again.  Who IS this academic wonder?

Unfortunately, my plans for "suicide summer" have fallen through.  It turns out student loans have an annual cap, and I already hit it. 

And so, I took my half of the tax return and registered for one (debt-free) class.  And then I realized I would be getting my tuition reimbursed for both classes this semester, so I registered for another summer class.  I'll be paying for that one once I get my money.

Strangely enough, neither of the two classes I'm now registered for in the summer were on my original summer class list.  I decided to take one of the classes I was dreading during the summer when I would be able to devote all of my attention to it.  It's my writing-intensive class, LER 458Y: History of Work in America, and the sample syllabus indicates it is also research-heavy.  Oh, and compressed into a semester that's 1/4 shorter.  (it seemed a good idea when I was only taking one class. now it seems like a good brain stretcher!)

On top of that, I added LER 401: The Law of Labor-Management Relations.   I chose this class for two reasons: I've always loved law classes, and if I decide to go for my Master's through Penn State this class also counts toward that program (as did the Training class this semester, and as does LER 444 below).

Two classes scheduled, four to go!

I have flip-flopped my Summer and Fall schedules at least three times now, but I'm fairly confident that my Fall schedule is going to stick.  I decided to take a whopping three classes, mostly because I know I can:

LER 136: Race, Gender and Employment - This is a degree requirement with three required textbooks (WHY can't they just pick one?).  Also, almost half of the grade is tied up in group work.  Since this is 100-level, I'm assuming it's going to be a weed-out class and needlessly difficult.

LER 444: Occupational Health: Policy and Practice - A lot of my current job revolves around OSHA regulations, so this felt like a natural fit for me.  This one should also qualify for tuition reimbursement. 

ASIA 100: What is Asia? - Yep, totally serious on this one.  Compared to my other options to meet the "other cultures" BA requirement, this looks like the most interesting class.

So, between Summer and Fall, I have five of my six graduation requirements scheduled.  The only other graduation requirement I'll have in Spring will be LER 312: Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations.  I don't really know why I'm putting this one off, but I know I am dreading it.  It's four credits (most classes are three), and the sample syllabus actually contains the following text: "This may end up being one of the toughest courses you take, but you will end up with a finished product that you can give to employers and graduate admissions committees as a writing sample. Good luck."

So if Summer and Fall kick my ass, I'll take it easy in the Spring and just take that one class.  However, my plan right now is to find another interesting course to round out my schedule.  Whether that ends up being a fluff class in or out of my major (shame they don't offer underwater basket weaving online...) or another class that doubles for a future Master's program is very much up in the air.

So what's with the Master's talk?  Well, I started looking at the money to be made in HR.  Sure, the purpose of the degree was so that I could move up in my current organization and stay focused on training, but I've seen what my organization pays its front-line managers.  I also learned an awful lot about recruiting and staffing in the class this semester and I realized that HR has a lot of interesting components.  Combined with my HR-ish years of experience in my current position, a Master's makes it much more likely that I move up quickly.  Part of me wonders whether an extra $25,000 investment will pay itself off, and part of me even wonders whether I could be accepted into this program, but I know I've been banging my head against the "no degree" ceiling for the past 13 years and I don't want to bang into the "no Master's" ceiling in another 3-5.

As soon as I graduate, I'm also going to get signed up to take the PHR certification.  In addition to finally being one of those people with letters behind their name, I've noticed that a lot of employers prefer that you be certified even for HR Generalist positions.  It would be best to take the test before all of my undergrad learning bleeds out, since only a small portion revolves around training.

...and so, now we are all caught up on the minutiae of Jamie's Academic Progress.  Any questions?

Not Quite a Vacation

Take a look at my summer work schedule.  The days in dark green are regular days off, light green are vacation days, and blue are work days.

In the 42 days from May 12 to June 22, I'll be at work only 19 days.

Sounds fabulous, right?

Not quite.

I figured out a plan to graduate this December, and have decided to go ahead and bust my butt this summer to accomplish that.  Four courses in twelve weeks.  Actually, two of those courses will be finished in six weeks - the six weeks you see above.  I figured that I generally only spend one full day and a few evening hours a week on two courses, so I shouldn't have any trouble adding another two courses if I take a few days off from work.  And at the end of the six weeks, I return to normal work and finish the other two classes.

Of course, this pretty much means that I'll be squeezing five days of work into a three day week.  It also means squeezing four classes worth of knowledge into my brain at once.

Can I do it?  YES I CAN!
(I think)

...and once I finish my crazy summer, I'll just have two classes to go in the fall.

So what's on the agenda?

LER 136 - Race, Gender, and Employment (major requirement) - Employment relations and legislative and policy responses to labor force issues of racial and gender inequality.
LER 312 - Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations (major requirement) - Provides an understanding of social science research as employed in the field of Human Resources and Employment Relations.
LER 464 - Communication Skills for Leaders in Groups and Organizations (hoping to get tuition reimbursement from work for this one) - Theory-and research-based communication skills for leaders dealing with work-related problems in contemporary groups and organizations.
ANTH 011 - Introductory North American Archaeology (fulfills "other cultures" requirement for BA) - Introduction to archaeology of the North American Indians; sites, methods, and results of research interpreted in cultural history.

Wish me luck.  I'm hoping this doesn't actually become the "suicide summer" that I've been joking about!

A Summer to Remember

I'm home sick today with every flu symptom except a fever, so it's probably no surprise that logging into my Penn State account this morning and seeing this made me cry...actual tears.

To be frank, I don't understand the A in my Employment Law class.  My final grade according to the "grade book" link on the course website was a 91.59%, and the syllabus indicates that an A is 95% and above.  That said, I'm certainly not going to ask the professor about it!  I'm going to happily assume that the final grades were curved and that's where the discrepancy is. 

Bring on ECON 315...I'm ready!

Academia

I thought I'd preserve for posterity a section of the last paper I had to write for my Industrial/Organizational Psychology class this semester.  The lesson was on stress and coping, and the assignment required us to choose a movie from a provided list and answer a few questions relating to the lesson material.  I chose "The Firm," mostly because I read the book a million years ago and had never seen the movie.  I think that's all the introduction you'll need.

3. What types of strain did this lead to (job-related, emotional, physiological)? Describe the specific examples that came up in the movie.

Mitch experienced all three types of strain in the movie. The job-related strain, with changes in performance and behavior at work, manifests when he sneaks out of his office, steals files, and lies to his bosses. Emotional strain, with signs of irritability, burnout, and decreased patience, is obvious throughout the second half of the movie. Mitch argues with his wife and is suspicious of everyone around him. I mention physiological strain rather tongue-in-cheek. Cardiovascular symptoms show up the same way they do in every Tom Cruise movie: when he starts running everywhere he goes.

I got a 100% on the paper.

Rest in Peace



photo credit

 "They ask me what I'd like written about me when I'm gone. I hope they write I made Penn State a better place, not just that I was a good football coach."

Joe, you made Penn State a better university in so many ways.  Thank you for never forgetting that your players were students first, and athletes second.  And thank you for your personal contributions to the university.  Your memory will live forever, both as a football legend and as a great Penn Stater.

Looking Ahead

I'm not making resolutions.  They just don't work for me.  But here are some things I expect from myself this year:

* Fiscal responsibility! It's hard, but necessary.  I plan to limit spending on my credit card and to use any extra cash I get my hands on to pay down that balance.

* Straight A's!  That's my goal and I'm sticking to it.  I'm only taking two classes at a time, and there are no excuses for not doing my best.  If I'm not going to take this seriously, then why bother doing it at all?

* Move my A$$! I'm not making some huge ridiculous goal of running a marathon.  I'm starting small.  I just bought myself a balance cushion for work.  I know this isn't going to get me thin, but it should at least strengthen my core muscles (and save trips to the chiropractor).  I'm also planning on doing a "walking league" at work with some friends.  It's six weeks in February and March.  I can commit to anything for six weeks...right?  (that's why I roped in friends...if I can't motivate myself, maybe I can be peer pressured)

I just realized that I have a mantra for the year: $$AAA$$ (money, A's, ass). Mantra? Slogan? Symbol? Whatever it is, it's a palindrome and I like it!

Happy 2012, everyone!  Let's make it a great one! 

The Cowardly Blogger

A few days before my twenty-second birthday, I found myself in a date rape situation.  A bad combination of a recently prescribed antidepressant and a few shots of vodka with a girlfriend and two guys that I trusted resulted in a night that to this very day I can only remember in very short flashes. 

I'm not going to share the details of the night, because they're not important anymore.  But I did want to tell you what happened in the following days.  The next morning, I woke up in my own bed in my dad's apartment undressed from the waist down.  I walked over to my girlfriend's apartment to check on her because I genuinely believed at that point I'd been drugged.  We had coffee and I eventually went home to shower and go to work.  I ran into him in the cafeteria at lunchtime and when I asked him what happened he lied to me.  When I called him out on his lie, he back-tracked and lied again in a different direction.  I stopped listening.  After work, I called my ex - the one person around me I thought could point me in the right direction - and we went out to dinner.  He expected to hear a story about some silly boy troubles.  When I told him what happened, he turned six shades of white and was the first one to say the "R"-word.

The next morning, after the girlfriend and I went to the apartment gym to jog on the treadmill and talk things through, I called my mom and told her.  Then I went home and told my dad.  The rest of the day was sort of a blur of witness statements, interviews, a pelvic exam, and uncomfortable drives.

I didn't want to press charges.  The guy had a young kid and I couldn't bear the idea of the kid losing his dad, or the dad losing his job, because of me.  I only wanted to tell my story in case it happened to someone else; maybe that person would have a stronger case. 

They said it didn't work like that.

While trying to verify the name I had given them, they found a mug shot and showed it to me.  It was the same guy, a few years earlier, charged with domestic battery.  There's nothing quite so jarring as seeing the mug shot of someone you once viewed as a potential boyfriend and finding out the guy has a history of (at the very least) disrespecting women. 

So I pressed charges. 

As it so often happens, it turns out I went through all of that only to be on the wrong side of a very weak he-said-she-said situation.  After the detective spoke with both of us, he was never even charged.  I wasn't surprised.  To this day, I sometimes question whether I was more responsible for his actions than I believed at the time.  Obviously the guy was a scumbag, and in retrospect I missed some pretty obvious tells.  Plus, I'm the one who didn't bother reading the alcohol warning on my prescription pills.

Anyway, why bring all this up now?  Well, the same quote keeps coming up in the comments on stories about the Penn State incidents: "all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."  Today I came across stories of multiple survivors of childhood sexual abuse who say that the acts against them were witnessed, and that the other adult did not intervene.

And while it's easy to point the finger at everyone who looked the other way and say "I would have intervened/called 911/beat the shit out of the guy," I wonder how many people really would have done any of those things.  Doing the right thing is hard. Had it not been for one strong voice of reason in my life, I doubt I would have even reported an attack against me. 

I lack courage.  There are a lot of points in my life I could point to and say not just "I should have handled that differently," but simply "I should have handled that."  (If that movie "Defending Your Life" is real, I am definitely coming back to Earth the next time around!)  I have seen so many wrongs in my life and I don't think I've ever really stood up to any of them.  The job Scott has?  I never even pursued that career path because I didn't think I could handle people being fired or arrested because I caught them doing something wrong.  I knew I'd blame myself.

But in place of courage, I've got an amazing ability to see the good where others don't.  I think that people deserve a second chance.  And I'd like to believe that Joe, misguided though he was, thought his friend of half a lifetime deserved a second chance.  And until I hear something that changes my mind, I'm going to continue to believe that his legacy, while obviously tarnished, still shows a man deserving of the respect of the Penn State community.   Let's not forget that that quote involves "good men."  I'm not ready to give up on the idea that Joe is, for the most part, a good man.

Of course, the story seems to keep getting worse.  If he was part of a cover-up that spanned three decades in order to save the University (or himself) from embarrassment... if he really did know about the allegations and continued to let Sandusky bring children to University-sponsored events... then maybe he wasn't a good man after all.  But right now, as someone who knows how hard it is to report a crime - to stand up and say to a friend "what you did is NOT okay" - I'm going to continue to believe the best of him a little while longer.

Blue

Photo Credit

It's been a rough week for the Penn State faithful, myself included.  Rocked by scandal, we're seeing the reputation of our University tarnishing before our eyes.  We're seeing a house-cleaning of the administration that's likely to claim more before it's finished.  And we're seeing an unprecedented amount of hatred aimed at everything our school stands for.  In short, I has a sad.

Assuming that the allegations against Jerry Sandusky are true, there was a monster in our midst and none of us knew it.  Assuming the reports are correct, Sandusky was caught doing horrible things to children at least twice by Penn State employees on the Penn State campus and the University failed to investigate. And now an attempt by the University to look the other way and pretend that nothing bad had happened has backfired in a way that none of those involved had anticipated.

This is probably a good time for me to make abundantly clear that I find Sandusky's alleged behavior disgusting and deplorable.  There is nothing ok about using your position of power and authority to abuse children.  There is nothing ok about a sexual predator being allowed to continue work with at-risk youth after the first allegation was raised.

And while I am sickened by Jerry Sandusky's decades of abuse, I find myself sad that Joe Paterno's career is ending because he only did what he had to and not what he should have done.  Because Joe didn't stand up to his boss and his boss's boss based on the word of a graduate assistant, his entire legacy is tarnished. 

Let's remember that Joe did not commit a crime. Frankly, if the coach at a school like Miami or Auburn found himself in the exact same situation, no one would be rounding up a lynch mob or even raising an eyebrow. Joe's big crime here is not living up to his own high standards.

And to those like Piers Morgan who think that Joe doesn't deserve to be remembered as anything but "a guy who helped cover up sickening child abuse," I ask you to consider whether you think you should be remembered by your biggest mistake.  Do you think you should be forced out of a job you have done (and done well) for most of your life because you went along with the decisions of the person responsible for your employment? Have you ever looked back and thought, "yeah, I could have handled _____ better. I'm glad I got a second chance?"
 
Unfortunately, Penn State's failure to act in the first place changed the story from "former PSU assistant coach abused a child" to "Penn State Sex Scandal Cover-Up Involves Coach, Administration." I think Joe's decision to retire is what's best for the University community at this point.  I think that Graham Spanier, Mike McQueary (who, amazingly, is exactly as "guilty" as Joe and possibly more considering he parlayed an assistant job to a coaching job at the exact time of these allegations), and whomever was running The Second Mile nine years ago should step down.   

In the statement he released today, Joe said:

“I am absolutely devastated by the developments in this case. I grieve for the children and their families, and I pray for their comfort and relief...

This is a tragedy. It is one of the great sorrows of my life. With the benefit of hindsight, I wish I had done more."

To me as a once and future Penn State student, Joe Paterno will always be more than just a football coach with a lot of wins. He'll be the man whose personal donations doubled the size of the Penn State library. He'll be a class act - the coach with higher standards of conduct than anyone else coaching today. He'll be the ultimate Penn Stater. He's larger than life...a living legend.  He is Penn State.

Laughing at the Past

Guess what I got today!  OK, don't really guess.  I got an official copy of my transcript.  The news contained, while not great, was actually better than I'd expected.  My last two semesters didn't count at all (Fall because I got a "trauma drop" of all my classes because of the bus accident...and I think I would've failed them all anyway, and Spring because my Dad never paid the tuition and I was never officially enrolled in any classes).  Financially that sucked, but it's a lucky break because I don't have two straight semesters of F's on there.  Even with that "good" news, I still left with a pretty dismal 2.2 GPA, and only 82 credits completed.

But the transcript provided some good laughs for Scott and me this afternoon.  I mean, I don't remember taking Arthurian Legend (D) or Astronomy (B-), but apparently I did.  I vaguely remember Genetics, Ecology and Evolution (B), which was basically a re-hash of AP Bio.  Scott was dismayed to learn that I got a D in Criminology, but I did get a B+ in Intro to American Criminal Justice 2 years earlier (which I also don't remember).  Honors Freshman Comp? B+ Three semesters of Italian? C, C+, C+.  My proudest semester was the last one I passed: Summer of '99, when I got a B+ and an A in two 400-level communications classes and an A- in nutrition.

Mostly, looking at the transcript just makes me sad.  My priorities were never what they should have been, and that I passed any classes at all after my Freshman year shows how damn smart I was, because I almost never went. And having taken 11 years to dig out of the financial catastrophuck I left behind, I wish that I could go back and smack some sense into my 18-year-old self and also go back and (while not blaming them) tell my parents to force me to show them my grades at the end of the semester.

But that's enough of looking backwards.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to start taking classes again in January, though thinking about it for more than two minutes at a time makes me nauseous.    I'm hoping that the re-applying process is quick and painless so that I can actually make plans (and find out how much more I have to go) instead of this purgatory I'm in now. 

Definitely Not Free, but Clear

So...I spent $2,520 today and am having a bit of buyer's remorse.  Perhaps because I don't have anything to show for it.  Literally nothing, not even a receipt!

Actually, more than buyer's remorse, I have a little bit of pride and a lot of cautious optimism.  Pride, because I have officially paid off every last cent of college debt (two years after I found out about the last 252,000 cents I owed) (and not counting the personal loan that I got two years ago, which still has almost three years left on it). Cautious optimism because I no longer have any financial holds on my transcript, which means I'm free to continue my education.  There is a hold on there, but I just needed a note from the DoE that said my Perkins loans were paid off. They said they'd fax it over to Penn State in two business days.

Would you like to hear the ironic part?

After a few hours of Google searching (that's how one picks a school nowadays, right?), the most intriguing degree program I found is from Penn Freaking State's online campus!  At least most of my credits would transfer... theoretically... if I were to be accepted... and get some more lovely student loans that I promise not to default on as long as I live, so help me God.  Anyway, I'm still looking, and I'm not going to talk more about the degree or anything until I have a plan in place.  You know, a plan that will cost more money and take more time and brainpower than I've put in to anything in about... umm... ever.

But, you know, cautious optimism.

*vomit*

Silver Lining

Well, Penn State lost. By a lot. But I went in expecting Alabama to score way more than 24 points. I'll take the moral victory! Not every cloud has a silver lining, but some have rainbows. I won't complain.

Elphie won't complain, either. She's had a great day of sunbeams and cuddling and trying to kill her brothers. No matter how big she gets, she'll always be my tiny baby girl.

1-0 and 1-0

Coming off of wins for both Penn State and Alabama yesterday, Scott and I have one week to bask in our undefeated seasons.

One week only.

Next Saturday is Footballageddon as Penn State travels to Alabama. Two teams enter, one team leaves.

Too many movie references? Sorry. For now, I'm high on a win and enjoying it while I still can.

Thanks for Asking

We are, in fact, ready for some football!


More on the NCAA Football 2010 season tomorrow.

[insert favorite curse word here]

So here's a brief run-down of everything wrong in my world right this second:

• Scott is on the way to the vet with ZoePig. She hasn't eaten in two days, didn't drink at all last night, and isn't quite mobile. I don't think she's coming home.
• I got a collection call at work last night from some company saying I owe them $8,000.
• I found out this morning that I have a balance of $2,520 with PSU Housing & Food Services for my Spring '00 room & board.
• Maybe my car - I have an appointment at the dealership today.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

So...Zoe. Yeah, that sucks. We've been horrible caretakers to her and while I'm sad that she's sick, I'm sadder that she had a crappier life than she deserved.

The money? I nearly threw up at work last night. I sobbed at my desk for at least an hour. Aside from the stafford loans that I completed paying off a few weeks ago (enter a feeble "yay me" here for that), I've been paying down an account of $4,900 since January when a collection company said they were collecting on a PSU account. And now I find out that there was another $4,900 account that somehow ended up in the hands of Debt Collectors from Hell (DCH).

It turns out that the original amount I owed was a bursar account, for tuition. The one I'm just finding out about is a defaulted Perkins loan. Apparently the government guarantees Perkins loans, and when I didn't pay back the school, the Dept. of Education bought back my loan. The DoE, of course, has the right to garnish my pay, take my tax refund, etc. The worst part? They've probably already dropped a collection record into my credit report. That's the worst part because you can't qualify for a FHA loan unless you have no new entries in your credit report within 12 months. That unfortunate situation last April was just about to drop off Scott's report, and now my 7-years-clear report has THIS.

DCH is also being really douchey. They are refusing to put me on a payment plan. They're willing to take about $2,000 off the fees and interest if I can give them $6,095 by next week. They may as well ask me to shit a golden egg. When I called the DoE, they said that I have the right to be put on a payment plan, and told me to call another company that acts as a mediator between me and the DCH. I did try to get a loan through the credit union (of which I have been a member for nearly 12 years with no incident at all). The automated system couldn't pre-qualify me, so I anticipate a rejection letter some time in the next 2 weeks. I guess I owe it to myself to call and beg to a human being.

I called PSU this morning to find out why they employ different companies to do their bidding, and whether I could expect another company to contact me in a few months time with yet another thing I owe money for. That's when I found out about the money I owe to Housing. The only silver lining to that cloud is that now I know about it. I asked the 19-year-old work study girl to send me a bill and she replied, "I can send a copy of the bill you've already been sent." "Fine, thank you, that would be lovely."

And before anyone out there feels compelled to leave me any comments that are remotely snarky, I would just like to say I KNOW. YES this is my fault for defaulting. YES this is my fault for not informing everyone I ever owed money to that I moved/married/changed phone numbers. NO I'm not asking anyone else to take responsibility for any of this. NO I'm not asking for a hand-out. (and possibly to my detriment, NONE of the money in our house fund will go towards this debt. if we have to wait another year, we'll deal with it, and we'll have more money for a down payment...which we'll need because the market isn't going to offer $100k houses forever.)

The timing just sucks. I sure could use a freaking break. Hopefully when I take my car to the dealership today, whatever they do won't cost more than a couple hundred bucks.

UPDATE (11:15): Zoe isn't coming home. sigh...

Welcome to 2009

It's a good thing I didn't make a New Year's Resolution to do a blog post every day, huh?

I took yesterday off from work so that I could watch Penn State play in the Rose Bowl. And yes, we lost, but the 4th quarter was great. Had our team woken up in perhaps the 3rd quarter, they could have pulled out an upset. Either way, I did have fun watching the game. I also enjoyed watching the Rose Parade in the morning.

About halfway through watching the game, I realized that I wasn't feeling too well. And what started as a stuffy nose had quickly morphed into post-nasal drip and a sore throat.

This morning, after about 10 hours of sleep, I awoke with post-nasal drip and an extremely sore throat. It hurt to swallow. Now that I'm awake and have gargled some hot shower water, I'm feeling slightly more human. I'm not talking, though I'm pretty sure I could if I had to. I haven't decided which combination of drugs I should take to get me through the day, since calling in would cause me to lose my holiday pay.

So that's how I ushered in the new year - 1 1/2 DVDs of West Wing season 1, a parade, some football, and some feeling sorry for myself. Anyone else have a better story?

Quote of the Day

(from espn.com)

On Tuesday's Big Ten media call, Paterno gave a rare acknowledgment of his age.

"I know nobody's immortal, but I thought I was the exception," said the coach, attributing the quote to Tennessee Williams. The reference sailed past his audience of sportswriters, many of whom wracked their brains to recall if Williams coached at Tennessee or merely played there.