Catch Me!

It's possible I threw a temper tantrum at work. It's actually possible that I threw multiple tantrums, but the first one was a doozy. I may have yelled a bad word or two and slammed my hands on my desk. I may have accused a co-worker (who wasn't there) of drinking on the job, being unconscious, or having a stroke... after all, what other rational explanation could there be for the complete lack of anything done correctly over my days off?

I may have scared my boss. I assume so, since a few minutes later he came back into the office with a cup of chamomile tea.

And then, after the tea, I might have had a meltdown in the kitchen. That time there was no yelling, just despair and frustration, and me being near tears. It was determined (by someone other than me) that creme brulee might help.

To be honest, I absolutely needed to be handled today. It was bad. And yet it wasn't so much a wake-up call as the last snooze alarm.

Since there's a hiring freeze in place, I can't leave this job. But I've had a few days recently where I come home miserable or I dread going in the next day. I've been contemplating going back to my psychiatrist so that I can pay him to listen to me whine, he can kick me in the @$$ and tell me to get over it, and maybe teach me some deep breathing or something, and then I can get on with my life.

Today, when I found myself yelling for the third time (this time about another coworker, in the direction of the other manager, that went something along the lines of, "WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS OFFICE WHO DOES THEIR DAMN JOB CORRECTLY???"), I actually stopped and told him I thought perhaps I needed some type of anger management intervention.

So that was the snooze alarm. I'm going to make a call on Monday and see if I can get in to see the shrink some day next week. I know that I'll be ok for the next three days - tomorrow I'm by myself (and I know that I won't have to clean up anyone else's mess because I was the only one there today), and Monday and Tuesday I share the office with my favorite morning worker. Wednesday could be a challenge, since I have to deal with the girl who was the subject of that last rant, but knowing that she's in big trouble with the managers (you know, because she's not doing her job correctly) is going to keep me tongue-in-teeth.

For now, I'll be breathing in good air, and breathing out bad air, and hoping that keeps me going.