Too Funny to be TMI

I was Facebook messaging with Scott this evening about my thrilling return to Dr. Ponytail (OMG he started a new practice, where the people all TALK to you and LISTEN to you and... it's like the complete opposite of my primary doctor!!).  Following is a screenshot of part of our conversation...

There's really not much else I can add to that!

God bless you, iPhone auto correct!

Dr. Ponytail: The Series

My gynecologist was on the local news this morning. I tried to find the video so that you could feel my discomfort, but their website seems to suck.

Discomfort, you ask?

Yes.

Imagine the person who looks into your insides while you are pants-less looking straight at you through the TV while you eat your morning cereal. I thought maybe I should put up the recliner, put my heels on the corners, and scooch down to the edge of the seat. But I didn't.

I didn't think to see which pair of Chuck Taylors he was wearing, but I was happy to see he didn't feel the need to switch out his normal black scrubs for a more grown-up outfit just for the interview.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put my pants back on.

Full Day

I had my annual visit to the girly doctor today (and was a little hurt that he didn't comment on my pink-on-pink knee socks). Nothing to report there.

After that fun was over, Scott and I went over to Universal. We finally got to try out the Simpsons ride (fun, but it made me a little nauseous). We did three rides in Islands of Adventure, and just the one on the Universal side because Men in Black went 101 right when we walked up. Oh well... we still had fun and got sore feet. :)

Then, trip trip to Publix to buy a pound of butter... and some other stuff. Scott's got cornbread in the oven, which means that Thanksgiving food preparation has officially begun. Mmm... gluttony...

Tampons

Yes, I'm writing an entire entry about feminine hygiene products. Not just feminine hygiene products, but the ones that go inside the body.

**gasp!**

Why? Because it's my blog and I'll do weird stuff if I want to. Besides, recently it feels like I'm the only one reading what I'm writing anyway. "Hello, Internet, are you there? It's me, Jamie."

The entry is about tampons, not their use, or their effectiveness. There is a photo, but only the applicators are showing. And they were in mint condition until I placed them out on my bathroom floor. Yes, I wasted three tampons for this photo. But trust me, photo evidence was necessary.

So I assume by now I've scared off anyone not interested in reading about tampons. I guess it's safe to continue. So here's my story:

Up until now, I have been exposed to two types of Playtex tampons (yes, plastic applicators will some day block out the sun, but I like the Playtex product so much more than their cardboard brethren I'm willing to sacrifice the planet): the yellow (regular) packaging and the pink (super) packaging. I'm a yellow kind of gal, but always seem to have pinks around because half the time the store is out of yellow, and I'd rather go pink than go to another brand.

Well, this week apparently I wasn't paying attention and I bought a box of purple tampons. I noticed the purple stripe on the box, but since it wasn't pink, I thought that meant that they changed the yellow to purple.

WRONG!

Purple, it turns out, is ULTRA. And so a few days later, I found myself telling Scott about my mistake. "I've seen smaller things shot out of submarines." Even the applicator is reinforced. Really! Look!

Yellow on the left, followed by pink, and then purple.

The very bottom of the purple applicator has an extra ridge on it, as if the makers of the product are aware that without that little ridge, you would likely cut a circle in the tip of your finger during insertion!

And so the jokes kept rolling with me and Scott. He asked if there was any heavy equipment involved, and I said yes, that the box comes with a grenade launcher... but make sure you hold on tight to that string or Look Out!

With its one gallon absorption ability, you could wear just one tampon through an entire cycle. You know, theoretically, if you weren't worried about TSS or the fact that you would definitely feel "not so fresh" by the end.

Also, I'm not taking a picture of this, but if you were to insert an ULTRA into a glass of water, it would plump up to the diameter of an apple. Seriously - it's scary!

I think that just about covers it. But maybe one more time, just for S&G's, and since I probably won't have this opportunity again: Tampon!

What Is He Wearing This Time?

Mom asked if I was still going to see Dr. Ponytail. Well, the short answer is yes. The longer answer is "yes, because I would like to go through life showing the inside of my hoo hoo to as few people as possible." Besides, he's really nice. And I love his black scrubs and goofy Converse sneakers.

Well my last office visit was July 3, and the whole office was decked out in red white and blue. And rather than wearing his usual black scrubs, Dr. Ponytail was wearing this ridiculous American flag button-down shirt (like you'd see at a chili cook-off only with the US flag instead of the Texas flag). I mentioned this to Scott, and he asked if the good doctor had flag-pattern Converse to match.

No... not quite...

His Converse sneakers du jour were covered with a $100 bill pattern. I guess the picture of Ben Franklin tied it all together with the holiday?

(I'm sorry for the crappy picture, but this is the ONLY one a google search and a Photobucket search turned up.)

My Gynecologist Likes My T-Shirt

...and I'm rather fond of it too!





Yes, that's actually all I had to say. I just thought the title of the entry was worth actually taking a picture to go along with it!

A Present for Me

Last night, as a present for driving down I-4, sitting in the waiting room, and going through with my girlie doctor appointment all by myself, I bought something shiny: a Kodak photo printer! Not only was it $40 off, but I got 10% off that and 10% off a second ink cartridge & paper pack. I've been looking at photo printers for a while now, and with the price lower than any I've found at Wal Mart, how could I pass up a Kodak product??

As for the doctor appointment, it went well. And if this PAP comes back clear, I don't have to go back for six months! And if that one comes back clear, I can go back to annuals! Woo hoo!

Thus far, this calendar week is going much better than last week.

**knock wood**