Too Funny to be TMI

I was Facebook messaging with Scott this evening about my thrilling return to Dr. Ponytail (OMG he started a new practice, where the people all TALK to you and LISTEN to you and... it's like the complete opposite of my primary doctor!!).  Following is a screenshot of part of our conversation...

There's really not much else I can add to that!

God bless you, iPhone auto correct!

Back to 2009

I love the Osborne Lights, but hate the crowds.  It's telling that this photo was taken on a side street, with Scott leaning on a trash can.  It's the only place we could go without being elbowed by a stranger or run over by a stroller! I'm pretty sure that 2009 was the first time we'd been back to see the lights since 2003.  I'm also pretty sure we'll be skipping it again this year.

All Scott, All the Time

I just noticed that all of the pictures in the gallery at the top of the blog currently contain Scott.  I can definitively say that I have never seen this happen before!

 

Also of note: only one picture contains any sort of booze.  It seems most of the time when there is a camera-worthy occasion, there is also beer and wine.  Or a mojito.  Or a margarita.  Refresh the screen a few times and you'll see what I mean.  I guess we're both special occasion photographers and special occasion drinkers!

And in case you were wondering, the photos would be labeled "cruise, cruise, cruise, Epcot, Sea World, Studios, cruise."  Or more specifically, "Disney Wonder emergency drill, Castaway Cay/Disney Dream, Castaway Cay/Disney Dream, Epcot parking tram, Sea World penguin building, Mama Melrose's at the Studios, Disney Magic atrium."

I often find myself refreshing the blog whenever I'm blue or bored and wanting to jog happy times back into my brain, so that's why I'm so sure I've never seen this happen before.  It's like I won the Flickr slot machine or something!

A Little Change

Today's Photo of the Day... isn't really.  It's actually a PhotoShop of the Day.  And truth be told, it's not even that.  It's a clumsily doctored photo done on Paint.  With a back story.  So let's start there, and attempt to use full sentences with subjects and verbs.

(but before I start, in defense of my poor writing, I'd like to say that I'm sleep-wacky right now.  I worked midnight to 8:30 this morning, having had a 2-hour nap from 8-10pm, and then came home and slept from 10-4. that makes me not sleep-deprived, but definitely off-kilter a bit)

A few days ago, I got an e-mail from Scott with this photo attached (seriously, click the link) and a note that says "don't you want to see the picture where Ozzy bites his head off?"  And I thought yes...yes I do.

And before the "big reveal," I thought I'd mention that Scott met young Master Bieber a few years ago when he was supposed to be doing a fan meet and greet type of thing.  Scott was, to put it kindly, unimpressed with the kid's attitude towards his fans and his handlers.  To this day, it's fun to say "Bieber" and see what sort of face Scott makes.  To put this in perspective, he had a more positive impression of Charlie Crist!  So anyway, here's the loving gift I made for Scott:

Mischief Managed

Scott and Katie and I tried to go to the corn maze this afternoon, but despite getting there almost 3 hours before closing time we were turned away. The experience wasn't positive, and I'm very sad because I'd been looking forward to going for 3 years. So we went to World Market in search of eclectic things instead. Katie got a cool hat, Scott got 2 fun new glasses, and I got a bottle of cherry soda. (I told you I was sad!)

And then I walked over and caught Scott being mischievous. He was doing our old trick of setting all of the timers so that they go off at the same time and then walking away. I had to take a picture of his handiwork:

It was the look in his eyes as he flipped them over that made me smile. And when I asked what he was doing and he responded wide-eyed that he was "setting all the timers so that they go off at the same time," I belly laughed.

And if I do say so myself, that's a pretty sweet picture. There is one other picture I took today, of the sign across from the corn maze parking lot (where, by the way, we were greeted by a man dressed as a scarecrow, complete with burlap sack over his face!):

Had it said "Grower of Truly Truly Truly Outrageous Sod," I would've hopped out of the car and made someone take my picture with it!

The Little Things

Have you ever run a load of dishes that so silverware heavy that you wonder who's been using six forks at once? I just unloaded one of those. There was literally one dinner plate, 5 smaller plates, some other assorted things, and about 90% of the flatware.

It was while I was unloading the dishwasher that I noticed that Scott had loaded the little basket in the same order as we keep the silverware in the drawer - big spoons, then little spoons, then little forks, etc. For all I know, he's been doing this for the past almost seven years and I've never noticed. I knew he segregated the different pieces, but I never noticed the order.

And you know what? Having them in order makes it just a little easier to put them away.

It's the little things that remind me how much I love him.

Wild Kingdom

The local sand hill cranes were out this evening after my post-grave-shift nap, standing at the corner of our building and warbling non-stop. It turns out they were yelling at the next door neighbor's cat, who was innocently sitting at his front door curled up avoiding the last of the afternoon rain.

That seemed like unnecessary bullying to me, so I went out to hang out with the cat for moral support. He came running over and I pet him for a few minutes, which enraged the cranes even more. WARBLE! WARBLE! WARBLEWARBLEWARBLEWARBLE!

I went back inside, and Scott asked what I did to make the cranes squawk even louder, and I told him. They were still out causing a ruckus, so I took my phone out, thinking I could get a good picture. (I couldn't.) Scott came outside after he saw the wing flapping war dance through the window, and proceeded to imitate the birds. It was awesome!

Eventually, the cranes moved on and the cat lost interest in my company, so we went inside. Peace has been restored... for now.

Things That Go Bump in the Night

Scott and I were laying back-to-back this morning, with our heels touching. I was in my final snooze when all of a sudden, BLAM BLAM BLAM - he kicked me three times (in the bottom of my heel, with his heel). A whole list of things went through my mind, including most prominently, "did I oversleep?" I looked at the clock and saw 6:02 - one minute before my final snooze would go off - so I did the logical thing.

I kicked him back, as hard as I could.

He didn't even budge. That's when I realized he was fast asleep and I felt bad for kicking him back. When my alarm went off, I asked him if he knew he had kicked me. He said he dreamed he was kicking someone.

I'm glad we were laying the way we were. I imagine that would've actually hurt if he'd kicked me in the shin instead!

Self-Writing Posts

The problem with blog posts that write themselves is that they don't publish themselves. Below is an e-mail exchange between me and Janette, about an e-mail exchange between me and Scott. It's a week old. Sorry for holding out on you for so long!

Janette,

I thought you’d get a kick out of the e-mail exchange between Scott and me this morning…

ME: And did you notice the two clumps of Elph hair upstairs in the hallway? I can tell you they appeared between 6:05 and 6:30, and that when I saw Milo at 6:30 he had a clump hanging off his mouth like the “bad kitty” on the pajamas!

SCOTT: Yeah,I heard the ruckus when you had just gotten into the shower, but it didn't continue for more than five seconds. I figured it was the two boys, guess I was wrong!

ME: Well I guess Elphie wasn’t happy with him at all. When I was toweling off, she was “hiding” (really, I guess she thinks she’s invisible) behind the orange shower
curtain and TWICE Milo went to jump into the tub and she swiped at him mid-jump
and made him fall. It was kind of hilarious, but poor Milo missed out on his morning “fresh” drink.

SCOTT: awww! I feel bad for both of them! I've seen them both this morning, not sure about together though

ME: Nah, don’t feel bad. It’s what siblings do. Well, I assume it’s what siblings do. Didn’t you and Janette ever rip each other’s hair out? ;-)

SCOTT: nah, just hand to hand combat, and mind games. :)

* * * * *

Aww, poor kitties. Well, the drama is just part of being siblings.

We bickered a lot. Scott was a PEST, at least that's the way I felt when I was in my teens (remember the age difference). I kept my bedroom door locked from the time he learned to crawl until I moved out. I swear-to-gawd he learned to walk by pulling himself up on my bedroom door knob and letting himself in. LOL!

I only remember hitting Scott 'for real' once, though we did have the very typical sibling wrestling matches. We were arguing over something stupid and forgettable and he was clearly losing when he suddenly and very dramatically yelled 'OW!!! Whaaaaaa! Mom, Janette hit me!!!! Whaaaaa!' And I hadn't laid a hand on him, the little snot.

I knew I was going to be in a world of trouble so I did the only reasonable thing. I smacked the holy crap out of him. I figured if I was 'going to do the time, I may as well do the crime.' That was one of the very few times in my childhood when I remember getting into real trouble. But I'm certain that smacking him up front prevented years of resentment.

Ask him if he remembers it, he was only about 6 or 7 years old at the time. I can SEE it like it was yesterday, we were standing in the hallway just bickering away until he became a little drama queen. Let me tell you, that was the first and last time he ever tried that little trick!

Other than that the worst thing I ever did to him was pull the warranty to the refrigerator out of mom and dad's dresser and tell him that it was his adoption papers. Much drama ensued and it took mom forever to convince him otherwise. THAT was awesome!

Fail!

I didn't post yesterday, but it's totally not my fault. See, Scott and I carpooled, despite the fact that in the past two weeks, Tuesdays are the days where the s--t hits the fan in his job and he ends up having to stay late.

It couldn't possibly happen THREE weeks in a row!

It happened.

I ended up sitting around for two hours. We got home around 12:15.

I think we're carpooling today, which means I really should be in the shower by now! I've got a very exciting day at work that I can't talk about AT ALL publicly. And truth be told, I doubt the rest of the world would even be interested. But I'm bringing a paper bag with me in case The Boss starts to hyperventilate!

New Toy

Elphie says hi. See?

Sure, this isn't a great photo. I'd argue that it isn't even a good photo. But I took it with the webcam built in to the new netbook.

The netbook, a.k.a. "vacation computer," is tiny. The keyboard is cramped, though positively enormous compared to attempting to type on my cell phone. The screen is big enough for casual web surfing or video watching, though I wouldn't want to have to actually work on it.

Anyway, you should be glad that all you have is a still picture of Elph...it could've just as easily been a video of Scott and Milo asleep on the couch! Perhaps I should take one of them to bed now. G'night!

Pond-Log

Scene: Saturday afternoon, Jamie is on the couch watching TV while Scott is preparing to season his new grill (a process which requires burning a lot of charcoal for a long time, and which has no burgers at the end).

Scott goes outside to... do something involving the grill, and promptly comes right back in.

SCOTT: I draw the line at men sunbathing in the "back yard"

JAMIE: Is it Kirk? (our nickname for the guy who lives next door. the one with the pit bull, who sings 70s prom music at the top of his lungs, and slams his door all the time because he apparently doesn't understand physics)

SCOTT: (shaken) I don't know who it was.

JAMIE: Is he out on his chair?

SCOTT: He's on a lawn chair spread-eagle.

JAMIE: So? Go back out and finish what you are doing.

SCOTT: No way I'm going back out there! I saw testicle once, NEVER AGAIN!

JAMIE: You saw ball?!?!?

SCOTT: He's got his knees up, his legs spread, and his shorts are baggy!

A few minutes later, someone shirtless walks past our window having a conversation with someone we can't see. Scott peeks out and tells me the gator is back in the pond.

JAMIE: Take my camera and go get a picture!

SCOTT: No! There's still a half-naked man out there!

JAMIE: But I'm not wearing a bra. By the time I get decent, it'll be gone.



All that to say this photo would've been so much better had there not been a rogue testicle behind our house: ...and the sunbather wasn't Kirk. It was some guy we'd never seen before. Apparently there's renters on the other side of Kirk. I'm assuming that's who it was.

DISCLAIMER: this might not have been the exact conversation...but all the relevant bits (heh heh... 'bits!') are there.

Uncontrolled Laughter

Scott's car wouldn't start this morning, so I got an unexpected wake-up call at 4 am to drive him to work. It wasn't such a bad drive - no cars on the road, and I got to pick the tunes. On the way, we happened to go past the "Mile 10" sign for the Disney Marathon (hmm... that might explain the early shift...). There I was in the car wearing my running pants (the poor things - they're the least-utilized athletic pants ever), a zip-up sweatshirt, flip-flops (don't judge - we park in the garage and I wasn't going to be outside), and unbrushed hair and I got all excited. "Quick! I'm going to get out and you can take my picture in front of the sign. We'll have to crop out my feet though, because of the flip flops." Yeah, because the footwear would be the only unrealistic thing about that picture! Maybe it's because I'm amped up on Coke and adrenaline, but I thought that was the funniest thing I'd heard in at least 12 hours. I chuckled about it all the way home. Scott, on the other hand, was not amused. I understand though. He's worried about his baby. He'll laugh tomorrow.

My only regret is that I didn't get the photo.

Perhaps now you're wondering what could have been funnier than that yesterday. I worked day shift answering calls yesterday, and was slammed. It was a long and stressful day, and towards the end I was pretty much praying for a few minutes of down time between calls so that I could catch my breath. I was talking to a man and was annoyed while booking his reservation because there was a woman close to him speaking at what I can best describe as bad-cell-phone-volume. As it turns out, they were in the car and she was having her own phone conversation. We got to the point where I was explaining to him why I needed a credit card number and what we would be charging, and all of a sudden Loud Woman says, "Have you asked for an enema? You'll feel better."

Loudly.

I paused, mostly out of shock, and the guy snorted. And once I knew it was ok to laugh, I couldn't stop myself. It was Sudden Onset Laugh Syndrome, the kind that comes when you try to hold it in, and then all of a sudden your eyes are watering and you can't breathe and all you can do is laugh. Through my laughter, I did hear him explain that she was talking to someone in the hospital, and cracking up while he explained to his wife that he was on the phone with a business. I apologized for my complete and total lack of professionalism, and managed to pull it together long enough to finish booking the reservation before hanging up and explaining to the office full of people why I was laughing so hard. While still laughing.

I don't really know if either of those stories is even funny to someone who isn't me, but hey - this is one of those blog posts I'll find a few years from now and most likely laugh again. Sometimes that's what matters most. Now if you'll excuse me, it's 10 minutes until I have to wake up. I'm going to not go back to sleep.

Not Berry Funny

Lunch Time at My Desk:
A piece of turkey with a generous portion of cranberry sauce (home-made, with no added colors) falls face down on my lightest colored pants - my favorite khakis. "Are you kidding me?" is yelled, but since I'm alone in my office, no one answers me. I scrape the chunks of cranberry off my pants and proceed to spray half a bottle of OxiClean stain remover on the area, blot repeatedly, and notice that there's still a big bright reddish-pink stain. So I sprayed the rest of the bottle on the stain, blotted some more, and have a slightly-lighter-but-still-very-noticeable pink stain, now surrounded by a 6" wet circle!

I called Scott and begged him to come to my rescue with a clean pair of pants, and of course he agreed. He's wonderful like that. And so, I did all the work I could that wouldn't require that I leave my office. Mostly, Iwas trying to avoid going in the kitchen where a) I'm going to be made fun of by the cooks, and b) I run the risk of being seen by the diners at the kitchen table.

About five minutes before Scott arrived, I pushed back from my desk and glanced down at the stain, preparing to be sad about ruining my favorite pants. I was not prepared for the two things I saw: the stain was about 90% gone and barely visible, and there were two NEW chunks of cranberry on my pants! I guess some of the original plop of cranberry got transferred from my leg to the underside of the desk in my initial panic, and then transferred back to my leg.

At this point, I'm out of OxiClean spray, and I have nothing to do but wait for my knight in shining Saturn to arrive. Luckily, my wait wasn't much longer. He brought me pants, and even waited for me to change so that he could take the first pair home to stain treat and wash. And today I am happy to report that they are stain-free!

Note: not any sort of paid endorsement...I really love that Oxi stuff a million times better than the Tide pens. The Tide pens smell like puke to me, and don't work half as well. Oxi smells like Febreeze and have now saved that same pair of pants twice (the first time was an exploding Coke bottle)!

Food! Glorious Food!

I made reservations a few months back to spend Scott's birthday night at the limited time only Wishes Dessert Party at Magic Kingdom. What could be better than a dessert buffet with a reserved spot to watch the fireworks? Well, maybe a dessert buffet with a reserved spot to watch the fireworks AND an insulin shot!

Here's a selection of what we ate:

LEFT PLATE (clockwise from top): cheesecake, cannoli, glazed donut hole, banana tart, raspberry tart

CENTER: creme brulee

RIGHT PLATE: raspberry tart, creme brulee, chocolate-covered strawberry, chocolate peanut butter tart

TOP: tiramisu

It's safe to say we ate well. Sadly, Tinkerbell didn't fly because of the weather. She would have gone right over our heads though. And the view of the fireworks, though off-center from the castle, was amazing.

What a great event. If they resurrect it after the Halloween/Christmas Parties, maybe we'll go again some time.

Happy Happy

Happy

Birthday

SCOTT!

photo courtesy of these people

Five Dollar Lullaby

Seen at the AMC PI 24 today: a mom hunched over her stroller, cooing a song and dancing for the infant inside. Cute, right? (I mean, except the part about the mom bringing her INFANT into the movie theater, but I digress...) It took Scott and me a few seconds to catch on to what she was singing:

"Five... (complete with 5-fingers shown to the baby)
Five dollar...
Five dollar foot long"

Really? THAT'S the song you're singing to your impressionable youth? Sure, Rock a Bye Baby is a little traumatic, what with part about the baby falling out of the tree, but at least it's not advertising sub-par sandwiches!

We went to the movies after our delicious lunch at Fulton's Crab House. Neither of us had ever been (it's generally more expensive than we're willing to pay for seafood), and they're having a 35% off lunch promotion that ends this weekend, so we decided to give it a try. The dinner menu is still out of our usual price range, but lunch wasn't too steep, and the food was pretty good. I had possibly the best clam chowder I've ever had, along with a shrimp po' boy. Scott had the crab & lobster bisque to start (meh - it tasted like spicy tomato soup with chunks of crab and lobster) and had the chilled platter of crab, shrimp and scallops. I would go back for the chowder alone.

The restaurant is the paddle boat at the DTD Marketplace, which was originally called the Empress Lilly (I ate there as a very small kid when it was a character breakfast). We were seated on the second level at a table overlooking the water and Saratoga Springs. It was lovely. Plus, they have some great art on the walls...

Scott was a great sport about posing in front of this "fresh crab," right up until he mentioned that there would be no picture of me because there wasn't a sign on the wall that said "angry bitch."

I laughed all the way out the building.

Well, I'd love to stick around, but I made stuffed shells for dinner and they just came out of the oven. This is the first time I've made them, and I can't wait to dig in!

Cookie Redux

Here they are. The fabulous pink swirled cookies I told you about yesterday:





These are from my slice-n-bake log, which went a bit flat in the fridge, so they look a little bit like slices of mini breads! Still, they are tasty.



And a bonus picture I just found on my camera. This was taken some time recently when it was very very cold. I know that even without a date stamp on the picture because:

a) Scott has a blanket on his lap
b) Scott is wearing a shirt
c) Milo is cuddling with Scott

We learned that all you have to do to get your cats to like you is to keep the temperature in your home somewhere around 50-55. No matter where you go, a cat instantly jumps on your lap. And when you get up, another cat will instantly be in the warm spot! Sadly, it has warmed up again and they are back to their normal feline indifference.

Of course, who needs kitty love when you have cookies?

Fore!

Scott and I went mini golfing yesterday afternoon. (we also went shopping and I picked up a pair of work pants, a button-down shirt, and a pair of pajama bottoms on clearance... but we're not here to talk about the discount racks!)

The weather was lovely, and it was the perfect chance for me to fiddle with Scott's new camera. It's a point and shoot, but gives you a little more control than your average pocket-size camera. I still like mine better, but it sure is nice to not have to lug it around.

As for the game, I got a hole-in-one on hole 5 (the dancing mushrooms) and we learned that Jamie has a hole-in-one dance. Nope...not going to do it again without just cause. And even though I fell apart on the back 9, which is pretty much my style, I still won!

Yay me!

December 31

5-4-3-2-1...

"Kitten New Year" wishes you an energetic 2009!

Milo wishes a happy 2009 to everyone who wasn't involved in the taking of this photo!

Kilo wishes you a well-fed 2009...and asks if this hat makes him look fat.

Scott wishes you all a great 2009, and dedicates this photo to Aunt Rose, who inspires him to jazz hand greatness!

...and I wish for a healthy and prosperous 2009 for everyone.

Happy New Year! Go kiss someone!