Full Fowler

I started out today feeling professional and pretty spiffy in my new button-down shirt, wearing glasses and actually blow-drying my hair.

That lasted until a half hour into my work day when one of my foremen walked into my office and bitch-slapped my ego so hard that when it woke up my clothes were out of style.  Here's the transcript:

Him: wearing your glasses today?
Me: yep...it's that kind of day.
Him: geeky?
Me: [open-mouthed stare] I was going to say the kind of day where I don't put my contacts in, but...
Him: geeky.
Me: screw you, pal!

It was meant in fun, and he didn't really hurt my feelings, but it did cause me to reevaluate the ensemble: long straight hair, glasses, button-down, cardigan...

Oh no...I've gone full Fowler*!

Amy Farrah Fowler is possibly the TV character I identify with the most - mostly because of her endearing awkwardness - but that doesn't mean I want to DRESS like her!

And in case you're not fan of the show (or if you are), here's the "Best of" AFF...

*bonus points if you got the Tropic Thunder reference.  If not, don't look it up - there's no way that could NOT be offensive out of context!

Please Stop Yelling and Start Listening

I fear my "left-wing radical liberal" card is about to be revoked.  I'm also treading Biblical waters I don't understand.  But I'm genuinely hoping someone can help me understand what the HELL is going on in this country right now.  Here's the question I'd most like answered: why are the so-called open-minded left-leaning people all up in arms over the now infamous Phil Robertson interview in GQ?

Apparently I'm supposed to be offended by Robertson comparing homosexuality to bestiality...and also adultery, greed, drunkenness, and slander.  OK, the bestiality thing - I guess if I was gay that would really piss me off.  But seriously - let he who hasn't committed one of those sins call for the first boycott.  Since the media is pulling quotes left and right out of the article, I'm going to do the same:

Then he paraphrases Corinthians: “Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.”
...
“We never, ever judge someone on who’s going to heaven, hell. That’s the Almighty’s job. We just love ’em, give ’em the good news about Jesus—whether they’re homosexuals, drunks, terrorists. We let God sort ’em out later, you see what I’m saying?”

Anyway, what *I* interpret there is "love the sinner but hate the sin."  Am I so off-base there?  As far as I can tell, Phil has just as much of a problem with me going out for too many drinks after work as he has with gays.

Is the problem with him calling homosexuality a sin?

I think the big problem that we all have decided that our own interpretation of the Bible and the sins it includes - be it not eating pork, not having sex strictly for the purpose of procreation, not getting tattooed, not having gay sex, or not gossiping - is the only correct one.  And somewhere along the line we have decided the only way to convert others to our point of view is to scream at them that they are wrong until they relent and agree with us.

Duck Dynasty is a guilty pleasure of mine.  It's silly and staged, but at the end of the day the show has heart.  It's about an extended family who, though they usually think each other are doing things the wrong way, love one another.  Every episode ends at the family table with a pre-meal prayer of thanks and not a request for the salvation of the rest of us sinners.

Phil Robertson thinks that being gay is icky.  His quote about anal sex? Well, you can read it for yourself.  But he's not advocating any anti-gay legislation, hate crimes or even "pray the gay away" activities.  He's saying, if I'm allowed to interpret one more time, "I think homosexuality is wrong, but that's their eternal problem, not mine."  I personally think hunting is icky.  And while the Robertsons eat what they kill, their vast multi-million dollar empire rests on folks who I'm certain only kill for sport.  Is that a sin?  Who am I to judge?  I'm pretty sure I commit at least one sin a day, and I'd be willing to bet you do as well.  And I'm also willing to bet that we each judge someone whose life choices don't align with our own at least once a week, if not once a day.  What's the damn difference?

Frankly, Robertson's thinly-veiled racism in the same article was more offensive to me than his opinion of various sins.  And yet the NAACP doesn't want to re-educate him.  GLAAD seems to want Phil Robertson to change his moral compass to one that they find more palatable.  "Phil and his family claim to be Christian, but Phil's lies about an entire community fly in the face of what true Christians believe," said GLAAD spokesperson Wilson Cruz. "He clearly knows nothing about gay people..."

Where were the lies?  I've read the article fully through twice, and I have found nothing but opinions likely shared by a lot of people in his demographic.  And what do "true Christians" believe? 

I'm not saying he's right.  But I think that rather than scream and shake our fists and threaten boycotts every time someone makes a statement we disagree with, perhaps we should ALL step back and consider things from their point of view first.  Maybe we should look deeper than the quotes pulled for the evening news or the memes posted on Facebook.  Maybe we should stop our pearl clutching that an old Louisiana redneck Bible thumper said something offensive.  Maybe we should take a second to sit our kids - or nieces or nephews or neighbors - down and have a heart-to-heart about how we are all God's children, and if God is willing to love us despite our shortcomings, then we should be willing to extend grace to those around us as well.

OK...I know that many of you disagree with me on this.  Can you tell me why?

RIP DVR

The DVR is dead.


For the past few weeks, the quality of the recordings was getting worse and worse. Then the quality of the signal on the HD channels started to get worse and worse. Then it failed to record Glee on Tuesday. Then when we tried the old shut it off and turn it back on trick tonight, it refused to reboot.


Sigh...


So tonight I won't be able to watch Night of Too Many Stars, because I'd rather watch Grey's Anatomy on the TV tonight than on abc.com tomorrow. I'll probably still end up watching Private Practice on the computer, because I'm tired and will be making a concerted effort to fall asleep early tonight.


That's right, tomorrow is my monthly 4am meeting. I made pretzel nuggets (the last sheet just came out of the oven) for them, because I'm just awesome like that.

Also not connected to anything else, Scott grilled turkey burgers and veggie burgers for dinner tonight. The veggie burger was surprisingly tasty. The turkey, even with fiesta dip (I read the label - it's not that bad for you), wasn't spectacular. It was good, and even moist, but just a little ho-hum.

And now it's time to get in bed and watch TV until I convince my brain to sleep.

Antici...

...pation

Anyone want to know what I'll be doing starting in 10 minutes? Watching all of these songs performed at the White House by such fabulous performers as Idina Menzel, Nathan Lane, and Audra McDonald.

Can't wait!

The Doldrums

I've got nothing interesting of my own today, so he's real newsman interviewing fake newsman. There's a video, which for some reason I couldn't embed here.

Also, if you need a good cry, check out this story.

That's it for now. I've got a big night of Thursday Night TV to emotionally prepare for, and a 4am start time tomorrow.

Bummer

I'm sad to say The Hoff was the first person voted off Dancing With the Stars.

Sure, his dance was terrible (and performed to a cringe-worthy "Sex Bomb," ick!).

Sure, his popularity in the US peaked in the 80's.

But dammit, America. You left Kate Gosselin on for more than one week! The rest of the season is going to be much less fun now.

Dr. Ponytail: The Series

My gynecologist was on the local news this morning. I tried to find the video so that you could feel my discomfort, but their website seems to suck.

Discomfort, you ask?

Yes.

Imagine the person who looks into your insides while you are pants-less looking straight at you through the TV while you eat your morning cereal. I thought maybe I should put up the recliner, put my heels on the corners, and scooch down to the edge of the seat. But I didn't.

I didn't think to see which pair of Chuck Taylors he was wearing, but I was happy to see he didn't feel the need to switch out his normal black scrubs for a more grown-up outfit just for the interview.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to put my pants back on.

Bananas

I woke up this morning an hour early to bake a loaf of banana bread to take to work. Of course, I didn't have the recipe. I believe I got the ingredients correct, but had no idea whether the oven was supposed to be set to 325 or 350. I had a strong feeling that it was supposed to be 325, but didn't have time or ingredients to fix a mistake. I checked 5 recipes on foodnetwork.com, and 4 of them said 350. So I went with that. That recipe is pretty forgiving, so I'm hoping that it comes out ok.

In other news, I watched two episodes of Glee last night - my first two episodes - and enjoyed it, but it didn't immediately hook me. The shows that I consider appointment TV (or at least DVR TV) are ones that I loved from the first episode I saw. So I think that Glee might be "if nothing else is on" viewing, but not much else. Jane Lynch, however, totally deserved that Emmy. She's a total scene stealer!

Speaking of appointment TV, David Hasselhoff and Jennifer "Baby" Grey are on DWTS this season!!! Also appearing will be Florence Henderson, Brandy, Michael Bolton, some athletes, some reality TV yahoos, and Bristol Palin (I think I might like her, despite her last name, but I'd like to know who's watching the baby while she's in Los Angeles). That starts this month, and I can't wait to see who will be the train wreck this year.

I Have Good News and I Have Bad News

The good news for Win McMurry is that no one really watches the Golf Channel, and therefore few people actually heard her say that Tiger Woods pulled out of competition because of his bulging dick. (hello, Google porn searchers!)

The bad news for her is that a lot more people watch YouTube. And read Twitter. Her gaffe will probably turn viral for a few days. It's an honest mistake, which she caught right away, but that's not going to stop me from giggling and pointing.

What can I say? This morning my inner 13-year-old is out to play! I hope she has a good sense of humor and the ability to laugh at herself!

Taking a Break

I'm taking a brief momentary pause from my manicure and watching the last episode of "V" on the DVR to bring an amusing clip from last week's Colbert Report. The part about the KFC pink buckets was particularly amusing. Enjoy!

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Tip/Wag - Scientists & KFC
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways...

I made sticky buns for breakfast. I started the sticky buns around 8:30 last night, and we just ate them. I regret to say there are no pictures of Phase I (last night), which included mixing and kneading the dough. I had a few moments when I really thought there would be no sticky buns at all, given my few stupid screw-ups. There are plenty of pictures from this morning though. Below you will see the rolls in the pan-o-goop, the rolls after 90 minutes of rising, the rolls straight out of the oven, and the rolls "unmolded" onto a baking sheet.This experience was definitely a labor of love. I had more than one temper tantrum moment when I almost threw the whole thing away, with my brand new pastry mat. (here's a hint: weigh down the corners if you don't want your "floured surface" to fling flour all over the kitchen!) In the end, the bread is on par with the best sticky buns I've ever had. The glaze - Bobby Flay's orange-honey glaze from the sticky bun episode of 'Throw Down' - isn't quite right. If you're not a huge fan of honey (or orange for that matter), this isn't the product for you.

Not to sound immodest, but I couldn't be prouder of the way these came out. You can tell in the pictures that I didn't do such a great job rolling the dough, but you can also tell that a lot of work and love went into this. And you can taste it. No lie, despite the killer sweetness of the honey, they are delicious.

I will definitely make them again, though probably not for a few months until my blood sugar goes back down to normal levels, and when I do I'll find a new glaze recipe. Or skip the glaze and do cream cheese frosting instead. But then they wouldn't be sticky buns, and isn't that the point?

A Whole New Hair...

I got my hair cut two days after my birthday. I think I scared the stylist because I was trying to go basically from nearly shoulder-length bob to very short and very layered. I showed her three pictures, and she gave me a slightly longer version of the photo with the longest hair. She kept looking at me and saying "you sure?" I seriously had to promise her I wouldn't cry. So I left with not what I really wanted, but I was ok with a transition cut.

This picture was taken immediately after leaving the salon. Obviously, it wasn't worth advertising, "hey! new 'do!" And though I enjoy the look of it, the fact that even straight out of the salon I couldn't get a good picture leads me to believe it's not the best look for me. To me, this cut just looks like I'm in the awkward growing-out stage between short and long hair. So now I really think I want to go shorter.

Below are three looks I'm considering: porn star hair, Grey's hair, and lizard hair.

The porn star hair belongs to one of Tiger Woods' luvvahs. I saw the picture attached to this article and first wondered if it was a wig, and then wondered whether I could pull off that look. Obviously, my hair is WAY less thick than hers. I did a Bing search to see whether there were any other photos of her (clothed...) and found another angle, my guess is from the same day (again, because she's clothed) at the LA Times blogs. If you check out the last photo above the poll, it's sort of messy and sad...a look that I can definitely achieve. I'm just not sure I want to achieve it!

Up next: Grey's hair!

This is one of the new cast members on Grey's Anatomy this season. She's also sporting a shaggy pixie-ish cut similar to porn star hair. Since I watch Grey's every week, this image (or one similar) pops in my head every time I consider going shorter. This picture isn't that great. But hey - watch the show and you can see it in all its moving glory!

And finally, we wrap up with lizard hair.

This is Anna from ABC's remake of "V." I said something about her hair to Scott and his response was something like, "oh, you want to go that short?" I got the impression he was a little terrified of that particular prospect! And no, I am pretty sure I don't want hair that short. Just the same, I thought I'd include it here as an alternative to what I'm really considering.

Obviously, no haircut is going to give me a skinny face and a pointy chin. And I wasn't planning on going auburn again. But I really do think I'm going shorter, and most likely within 2 weeks. The current 'do is 4 weeks old now, and the bad part about layers is that they don't grow nicely at all!

So any opinions from anyone? You're not allowed to criticize when it's on my head, but you can do so now...

Late! and Late-Night TV

Yesterday I left the house - no lie - 25 minutes late. I hate being late, and am generally chronically early. I ended up being 5 minutes late for work. Meh, there are worse things!


I might have made it on time, except as I was closing the blinds on the sliding glass door I happened to notice a single bird out there, and I just HAD to stop for a picture. Granted, I didn't go upstairs where I could've gotten a good angle. I didn't even go to the side of the door without the screen. So the picture isn't the greatest. But here you have it - a snake bird drying out on the shore after a morning fishing trip.

And then yesterday I did something I never thought I'd do. I asked Scott to set the DVR for me for two episodes... on Fox "News" Channel... of the O'Reilly Factor. (there was a knock on the door this morning. I think it might have been the Florida Democrats coming to take away my membership card) In my defense, I only wanted to watch because Jon Stewart was the guest. It's a two-part interview, so the second half will be airing tonight.

I'm not sure I can stomach it.

Who watches this show? He spins stories worse than The Daily Show. He actually compared his show to TDS, which is ridiculous considering one is on Comedy Central and the other is on Fox News. If he thinks you're making a point he won't like, he just talks over you until you stop. And through all that, I really think that Jon Stewart won Round 1. Also? Either they taped that interview at 8 am or The Daily Show has much more forgiving lighting. Jon was looking old and tired.

After the Stewart interview, I stuck around for Dennis Miller. I thought I liked Dennis Miller. Turns out I must've had him confused with someone - anyone - else. He went on this yelling rant about Rahm and the whole "retarded" debacle*, and his fake indignity was just too much. I stopped and deleted the show mid-sentence. And after I watch the second half of the interview tonight, I'll do the same. I won't make that watch-another-segment mistake again. I'm worried that I'll have to exorcise the far-right demons out of my DVR after all this. For real, watching that show literally raised my blood pressure to a point where my stomach started to hurt. *shudder*

*Question to the group: didn't they stop calling mentally-challenged people "retarded" some time ago? Because "retarded" had a negative connotation? So if we're no longer using the word as anything but an insult, then why does everyone get so pissed off every time someone uses it? What's the difference between "retard" and "bitch" or "homo?" Sure it's unkind, but why does it get everyone's panties in a twist? Sheesh!

My Hope for Late Night TV

I hope Conan makes a deal with Fox. I genuinely believe that the young viewers (you know - the ones advertisers covet) will flock to him and that Leno and Letterman will split the older viewers. But you know, I hope that enough people who were lukewarm on Leno before will be so annoyed with NBC that they watch Letterman instead.

Personally, I doubt I'll watch the Tonight Show any time soon. I know better than to say "never," but I don't intend to watch that show until Leno has properly retired and they've banned him from the building.

Team Conan

I doubt there's anything I could add to the Leno-Conan debate that hasn't been said elsewhere, but for what it's worth:

Jay Leno is pulling a Brett Favre. The difference is when Favre flip-flopped on his retirement plans, the Packers honored the commitment they had made to their replacement quarterback. That NBC is short-sighted enough to not understand that some day the young demographic that watches Conan will be the majority, and that people who can tolerate Jay Leno are dying off or just can't stay up that late anymore, boggles my mind. And even if they don't understand that, they should at least honor the agreement they made with Conan. And Leno should retire gracefully and go play with his cars.

Conan's statement yesterday exhibited what a class act he is. And it also reminded me that this is an incredibly smart (Harvard-educated) man who also happens to be funny. To tell the truth, I was surprised that he said he wouldn't do the 12:05 show that NBC was offering. I really thought that all of the players would just shift and make room at the table for Crazy Uncle Jay. I don't blame him though. When your boss makes promises he's not willing to keep, it shows you just who you're really working for. I don't think I'd want to work for NBC either, knowing the complete lack of character they are displaying right now.

If I actually watched any NBC shows, I'd consider boycotting. Moot point though - I pretty much stopped watching NBC when Friends ended.

Perform!

Christmas morning: you've woken up early because you've programmed to do that your entire life. You've opened the gifts. You've eaten your festive holiday breakfast. Now what? Well, if you're reading this, then you probably know me. And anyone who knows me is going to want to turn on the TV to the Disney Parks Christmas Day Parade.

"I am?" you ask.
"You are." I reply

The Encore Cast Choir was asked to help out with the parade taping. See, there was this little-known woman performing a popular Christmas tune, and they thought her performance could use a little star power. Here's a YouTube preview from someone who attended the taping:




Sadly for me, I was a little too slow getting my robe. I ended up in the balcony where there were no risers set up and very little lighting (and where this woman never even bothered to tilt up the camera to). So most likely, you won't see my smiling face on TV. But I really was there. And I'll be watching, looking for Katie and Melissa, who were on the risers, singing on national TV on Christmas morning.

Operation Iraqi Stephen

If you're not watching the Colbert Report this week, you really should be. He's doing shows from Iraq, wearing a digital camo tailored suit. The show is peppered with military jokes, most of which Scott has to explain to me. And his "Baghdad Shout Outs" have featured short videos from John McCain, Bill Clinton and (Old) George Bush.

Of course, I don't know if it'll be possible to top the surprise guest from the first show - a video from President Obama! To the best of my knowledge, this is Obama's first late-night comedy appearance since taking office. That's a huge "get" for a basic cable show, and just goes to show either how much the Stewart/Colbert team means to pop culture or how much Obama's team wants to show support to the troops overseas.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Obama Orders Stephen's Haircut - Ray Odierno
colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Stephen Colbert in Iraq

I hope his hair grows fast!

Leno

I've got a proper post pending, but it's going to require editing some photos and typing more than I'll probably be able to do this morning before work. And there's a good chance I'm going to get home from work tonight and immediately pass out. So for now, you get this.

I stayed up late last night to watch Leno's last Tonight Show. You know, he was never my favorite. Unless he had a specific guest I wanted to see, I defaulted to Letterman. That said, he really is a good entertainer. Last night involved "best of" Jay Walking and an interview with Conan O'Brien (including a clip of their first meeting in April of 1993 when Conan had just signed on to do his show). The end was my favorite part though. Rather than doing some self-centered tear-jerker montage of clips set to "Thanks for the Memories" or something, he ended the show by talking about all the crew members who had met and married each other in the past 17 years and then brought up the curtain to show the 63(?) production babies born during his run on the Tonight Show. It was sweet.

Stay tuned for Monday, when Conan takes over in a brand new studio.

SNL

Will Ferrell was the guest on SNL this past weekend. I saw the first 2 sketches, and then passed out. So right now I'm watching them on nbc.com. And though I love the Celebrity Jeopardy sketches, I didn't think that one was the best. Here's the opener, because I love Will's GWB!


...and in case the video won't play for you (won't play for me!) here's the link.

Take Your Kid to Work Day

Conversation between me and Scott earlier today:

Scott: apparently, on Take your Kid to Work Day, at some FL correctional facility they felt it was okay to show the kids how electronic pacification devices worked… You know...TAZERS! A few supervisors have been fired for SOME reason from the facilities. FOR TAZING KIDS maybe?
Jamie: at least they didn't strap them into the death chamber and hook up an IV of anything
Scott: oh now that'd be funnier'n hell
Jamie: "who wants to sit on Old Sparky?" (which is not, incidentally, an electric chair, but the pervy old man who watches the showers)
Scott: is he the guy with the walker? Ol' Ssssssparky

if you're not a fan of Family Guy, or just didn't get the reference to the guy in the walker, check this out...