21 January, 2010

Warning Label

WARNING: This product may cause you to react violently. You should not drive or operate machinery until you know what it will do to you. You should probably avoid people, too. Just to be safe.

Coffee should have a warning label. Not one of those lame McDonalds "this product may be hot" labels, but one like they put on medications. The "you might lose your hair or bleed from your nipples" type of warning label.

After my one cup of coffee at Mimi's yesterday at breakfast (corned beef hash is good for the soul), the waitress offered me a cup to-go. And she brought out a cup slightly smaller than the large Chick-fil-A buckets-o-tea. So I added my 3 sugars and no cream and went on about my day. I nursed that cup of coffee for at least an hour, driving to the chiropractor's office, driving from there to run some other errands, and finally driving to work.

I know my brain was getting buzz-y about the time I called and left a really long voicemail for my mom. I was thinking, "woah...I talk FAST!"

By the time I sat down at work, I was in full-on jitters. It started out as "hahaha... caffeeeeeeeeeeeeine!" but shortly turned into (actual direct quote), "I CAN'T TYPE A CAPITAL F!" Literally. Every time I tried to type "F," my fingers were making "Gf." It took me 4 or 5 tries to get it right.

In school, they teach you that marijuana is a gateway drug. I wouldn't know about that. I can tell you for sure though that for someone who rarely drinks coffee, it's really fun to spend a few hours on an artificial high. I get the appeal. That's why I rarely drink it. And also why I rarely drink alcohol. It's fun to be a lightweight. That's why today I'm sticking with cran-apple juice. It's definitely more my speed!


wickedmess said...

I hear you. Caffeine does just AWFUL things to me. Aside from ratcheting up the OCD to vicious levels it makes me even more hyper and less tolerant. That's just not good for anyone.

And yet I forget this periodically and feel the need for a super large dose of coffee. Yikes!

I think I need to stick to my herbal teas.

mamajoy said...

Cinderella, you're BUZZED!

mamajoy said...

First of all, that voicemail was hilarious! And it left me thinking how nice it is of you to make sure your father and grandfather get a birthday card from you.
You're the glue that holds them together!

BTW, I had coffee one Friday night with some friends because I wanted to try their new flavor of cream (I think it was chocolate peppermint). I was like Robin Williams on crack! They're still talking about it!