Happy Horse S--t

If Scott ever calls you up at work and the first thing out of his mouth is, "listen to this happy horse shit," just hang up and don't answer the phone for the rest of your shift. Trust me, it'll make your life simpler!



He did this to me Monday when he got home from work. Why? The apartment people left us a memo on our door that said:

Your home is scheduled for a pest clean out treatment. This service involves intensified application of all cabinets in both the kitchen and bathroom areas...



For best results, you must remove all products, dishes, pots, glasses, paper goods, etc. from these areas. When removing these items, please place them in the living room or bedrooms away from treatment areas so our technicians can work more effectively...


Scheduled cleanout date: 10/22/08

Someone was happy to hear the news - this is Milo in a box, inside a box, on top of another box! The cardboard trifecta!

So they gave us one full day to basically empty out the kitchen and the bathroom. That's five years worth of accumulated stuff in a day. I managed to score two empty boxes from work, and we found 2 other empty boxes and 2 laundry baskets in the house. First we cleaned the living room (which was our original plan for the day). Then we cleaned the kitchen. Then we pulled everything out of the cabinets and pantry.

It's possible the fumes from the "poison cabinet" under the kitchen sink may have gotten to Scott.

The end result? A temporary disaster area. Of course, once we are allowed to reload the cabinets and the closets, the result will be a much cleaner home. We'll still need to clean out the random crap accumulated in the dining room and the bedroom, but at least the living room will be clean and clear for a while!

Not pictured: The rolling "pantry," which has been relocated just outside the kitchen; the Christmas tree, which is stored in garbage bags because we couldn't get it apart to put it back in its box, and is now in the bedroom blocking me from getting to my pajamas or socks, or the kitchen counters, which are all cluttered with items for which there were no boxes.

We did learn some stuff in this endeavor:

1. Calling the office and yelling about the obscenely short notice won't do you any good.

2. Milo still doesn't like change. He spent most of yesterday exploring previously blocked-off areas and then growling and hissing at anyone who came near him.

3. Kraft boxed macaroni and cheese has an expiration date.

4. Elphie wants to go to the Good Will. I assume this because she has been in/on the box of unwanted dishes and kitchen wares since it came out of the pantry. By the way, if anyone needs a skillet or three with the non-stick mostly scraped off, a set of six sundae glasses, a plastic plate with Pocahontas on it, or 2 white coffee mugs with the Gevalia logo on them (and gold around the rim) please let me know. I don't even think Good Will wants that stuff!

5. A freshly mopped floor is a magnet for spills. Last night we lost some purple beer (good recommendation, Janette. Scott really liked it) and a cup of Papa John's garlic butter. Watch your step!

Seven garbage bags and 12 hours after we started, we were done. And I mean DONE. We were both passed out before 11:30 last night.

And now all we can do is wait. We can't cook because the stove top is covered by appliances that came out of the cabinets and the oven is full of pots and pans. We can't do the dishes because the dishwasher is full of clean dishes that needed a home. We have dinner plans tonight, but I'm hesitant to leave the house if they haven't come by then because I don't want the cats and the guinea pig to become desegregated in our absence.

I guess Scott was right. Horse shit. Total horse shit.