The Final Push

There was a point when I ran the Ten-Miler last year - somewhere between mile 7 and 8 - when I knew I was going to finish that race.  Starting with the day I paid the registration fee and at least once a day every day in between, I had doubts.  Would I give up?  Would my feet survive? Would I get scooped up by the Van of Shame?  But that moment when I realized I could finish was even more emotional for me than when I actually did finish.  Sure, there are a hundred things that could have gone wrong in those last 2-3 miles.  But the doubts were gone.  I knew I was going to do it.  I was doing it.  The worst was behind me, and I was able to look around and enjoy my moment.

Fast-forward to today.  I got my 2013-14 academic planner in the mail from World Campus and flipped to May.  There it was in black and white, printed and bound and in my hands...

May 9-11
Spring Commencement Weekend

I took a picture of the planner page and posted it to Twitter. Someone from the World Campus team tweeted back and said, "you didn't fill it in yet!"  It hadn't even occurred to me.  It's still so far away... hundreds of things could still go wrong.  But then all of a sudden I knew. The doubts are gone.  I know I'm going to do it.  I am doing it. The worst is behind me and I'm going to enjoy this.  So I went online and looked up the spring commencement schedule and I filled it in:

I haven't decided whether I'll make the trip up.  It's expensive.  It's impersonal.  I don't want to go by myself.  But it's not the ceremony that matters.  283 days from today I will finally be a college graduate.  And 4-6 weeks after that, I'll have a piece of paper to prove it.

...and maybe, just maybe, a year from today I'll be getting ready to start grad school. 

To Be Continued...

For now, I want to remember this day, when I got irrationally emotional about filling in a date on a calendar.  Today I realized I might not be close enough to the end of the race to see the finish line, but I know exactly where it is and the route I need to take to get there.  This is my moment.

This is the day
See it sparkle and shine
When all I've lived for
Becomes mine!

Finding My Voice...in Bangladesh??

I was taken aback by my own passion earlier today.  Though I can rant about non-issues like door slamming neighbors and unfairness at work with aplomb (please tell me I'm using that right...), it's rare that I find myself really caring about something important. 

Global warming?  Bad...but not going to be solved by me.
Dogfighting? Bad...but what would I do?  It's not like I know anyone who participates...

Generally, I hear things that make me sad for a few minutes and then I move on to rainbows and puppies and unicorns.  But this thing keeps nipping at the back of my mind, and I think maybe this time I'm going to act.

My "History of Work in America" class requires a weekly discussion forum, where we read a series of required "primary source" articles (and occasionally watch video clips), choose one question from a list of about 10, form an opinion, cite two of the sources, and blather for a minimum of 150 words.  We then choose a classmate's post and comment on their use of the source materials and whether they proved their point, in a minimum of 100 words.  That's it - nothing to it - easy points.  So this week, the question I selected was the following:

Could you conclude that sweatshops exist in developing nations because a developing nation--like the United States was in the nineteenth century--must go through the historical phase of harsh economic development in order for that developing nation to develop a modern economy?

My Opinion:
Nope...Sweatshops are NOT OK

My answer to this question can be summed up in two words: absolutely not.  Arguing that slave wages and unsafe working conditions are in any way “necessary” promotes consumerism at the expense of basic human rights.

We meet John Keady in the video, “Nike Sweatshops and the Sydney Olympics.” Keady researched working conditions in Indonesia and decided to see for himself whether the jobs were livable.  Not only did Keady lose 25 pounds in the month he worked in a Nike factory, but his wages were barely enough to pay for a rat-infested room and enough food to subsist on.  His decision to put an American face and voice to a first-hand worker account brought the plight of the workers to middle-class consumers around the world.

Meanwhile, the Stossel video “Are Sweatshops factories good?” is nothing more than a condescension against human rights protestors.  He managed to find a few people from developing countries to extol the virtues of factories.  His report is not very in-depth, and sounds like a commercial for these factories.

Another first-person account came from the article “Working Overtime to Vanquish Sweatshops.”   One immigrant, the daughter of factory workers, recalls her childhood: ''My mother was working 15 hours days,'' Betty Yu said. ''I didn't know my mother. I didn't know my father. They were at work when I woke up and when I went to bed at night.”  While this account probably mirrors that of children of nineteenth century US factory workers, one important differentiation can be made: though conditions then were deplorable, with long hours and dangerous working conditions, people around the world were immigrating to the US in massive numbers.  The bad conditions here were still better than the terrible conditions they left behind.  Who is immigrating to Bangladesh today?

Sources:

John Stossel ABC News: Are Sweatshops Factories Good?Sky TV: Nike Sweatshops and the Sydney Olympics
NY Times: Working overtime to banish sweatshops

Generally speaking, my commentaries hit right around 175 words.  So the fact that I managed to ramble on so extensively on this topic surprised me.  But hey - it's good to enjoy an assignment every now and then!  Today, I read an opposing viewpoint from one of my classmates.  I'd also like to share her commentary, followed by my response...

Sweatshops Boost the Economy * I would absolutely agree that developing nations must endure the same phase of harsh economic development that the U.S. did in order to develop a thriving economy; and utilizing labor to produce products sold in America is a great way to develop that economy. It’s called globalization “the development of an increasingly integrated global economy marked especially by free trade, free flow of capital, and the tapping of cheaper foreign labor markets,” as defined by Webster. Newer generations in India, Africa, China and Korea live better than the older generations before them because of production for U.S. goods (Are Sweatshop Factories Good?).   

The video (Nike Sweatshops and the Sydney Olympics) proved that globalization does work. That video was made in 2000? According to the Jakarta Globe, by early 2013, Nike planned to make the manufacturing plant in Jakarta “the largest manufacturing base for Nike apart from China and Vietnam.” Minimum wage was raised by 44%. That’s more than a 3 ½ percent increase in the cost of living per year. That’s a bigger cost of living wage than some American workers earn in  a year. 

Response:
As much as I love the idea of globalization and a global economy, I believe that a truly global economy should have standardized minimum wages (based on the nation's economy, of course) and a certain minimum of guaranteed worker safety.  I acknowledge that factories are not all sweatshops, and that for some workers in developing countries (as well as workers in this country) factories are perfectly safe and pay a decent wage.

I am very confused by your perspective that the Sydney Olympics video shows globalization in a positive light.  And while I find your statistics on the rising minimum wage a positive sign, I'd also like to point out that money doesn't do these workers any good if they die in an industrial accident due to their deplorable working conditions.  Just in the past six months in Bangladesh:

* November 2012: 117 killed in clothing factory fire
* April 2013: 1,000+ killed in factory collapse
* May 2013: 8 people killed in factory fire
* ...and just this week: finally, Bangladesh gives factory workers the right to unionize.  However, I wanted to highlight the following quote, pulled from the last article (emphasis mine):

"The government is in talks with labour groups and factory owners on a new minimum wage for the garment sector. Its current $38-per-month minimum pay is half what Cambodian garment workers earn.

 

Bangladesh last increased its minimum garment-worker pay in late 2010, almost doubling the lowest pay. This time, wages are unlikely to go much higher as factory owners, who oppose the raise, say they cannot afford higher salaries as Western retailers are used to buying cheap clothing."

"Harsh economic development" is one thing.  However, ignoring the horrible treatment of human beings for the sake of a $3 t-shirt from Wal Mart isn't globalization - it's exploitation.

 

So...it looks like, of all things, I am passionate about global workers' rights.  Who'd have thought?!?  I remember trying to find clothes made in the US a few years ago, and determined that my options would literally be to look Amish or to sew my own.  And I justified my inaction by telling myself that not all clothing factories are sweatshops.  Maybe my $5 t-shirt was made by happy well-fed women putting children through college on their wages.  I can't possibly solve this problem on my own.  And what I do probably won't make a bit of difference.  But that's not going to stop me from acting.  With one exception, I've boycotted Wal Mart for over a year over the poor treatment of workers in their stores in this country!  

I pledge that I will no longer buy clothes made in Bangladesh until real substantive change is brought to the clothing factories.  A living wage and safe working conditions should be guaranteed to every worker on the planet, and I am willing to pay more to do my small part. 

Though I can't find an article to explain this point more clearly, I learned in my labor economics class that labor costs are a small piece of a very large cost-benefit equation, and increasing the labor rate does NOT cause the product on the shelf to go up by the same amount.  That means a labor raise of $1/hour might translate to $.10 per piece of clothing. However, of that $.10, only 2-3 cents would actually be passed along to the consumer.

...but even if the cost of every article of clothing you buy went up by $1 - from a $5 t-shirt to a $6 t-shirt - wouldn't that be worth it to know there aren't starving workers living in filth?  And before you say you can't afford that extra $1 per shirt, consider all the ways to pay less - sales, coupons, clearance racks, stores like Ross and TJ Maxx, consignment/second hand/thrift stores...

OK...so that was an awful lot for one post.  Sorry about that.  Like I said, apparently I found my voice. And I can't seem to stop singing!

Time to Learn and Move On

I don't think I've mentioned the Zimmerman case here before, and I probably won't mention it again, but I was sort of shocked to wake up this morning to a "not guilty" verdict and to find so many of my out-of-state friends on Facebook proclaiming once again how effed up Florida is. So...

Let's do a quick recap the story, leaving race out.  Neighborhood watch guy sees suspicious-looking adult male, reports to authorities, makes the bad decision to get out of his car and follow male, makes another bad decision to approach male, male engages, struggle ensues, someone gets shot.

George Zimmerman made a series of very bad decisions that resulted in the death of Trayvon Martin.  That was a tragedy that ended one life and ruined the lives of members of both families.  In my heart, I believe that he thought Trayvon would back down when approached and had no intention of engaging in any sort of violence. I have a lot of opinions about George being a wannabe cop who turned out to be a coward, but I don't think this is the time for character assassination.

Let's not forget that 16 months ago the police investigators determined that George had acted in self-defense.  And then the media got involved. The only reason he was charged with a crime was the outcry from the community (local and national).  They wanted a trial.  They got a trial. 

For those saying Trayvon was a child: yes, in the strictest sense of the law.  But he was a full-grown man, and if the tables were turned and George had ended up being the one hurt or killed, Trayvon would have been charged as an adult.

For those comparing this case to the Casey Anthony case: the similarity, I believe, is only that the respective District Attorneys were bullied by the media and other outside influences into pressing charges in weak cases.  Florida juries are not inherently flawed, nor are Florida laws.  Remember, "guilty beyond a reasonable doubt" is a high standard built into the criminal justice to minimize the chance of an innocent person being convicted of a crime.

For those worried that this verdict will embolden nut jobs/racists to take the law into their own hands more often: I guess we'll see.  I'm inclined to disagree, but that's just a hunch.

It is my sincere hope that those who are unhappy with the verdict look at the laws they feel need to be changed and fight for their beliefs.  I hope that people on both sides stop being angry long enough to pray for the life lost.  And I hope that we all learn something and can move on. 

It's a 5K in my Neighborhood...and YOUR Neighborhood!

Last year, I read about a "virtual 5k" for Thanksgiving, and I thought it sounded like a ridiculous amount of fun.  Basically, they mail you a bib (race number) to wear, you run 5k wherever you want, and then they mail you a finisher's medal.  Like most actual 5ks, the event is for charity.  And since they're not paying for road closures, port-a-potties, etc., I have a feeling more money really goes for charity.

There's a girl named Alyssa training for the NYC Marathon as part of a charity group raising money for Alex's Lemonade Stand.  As a part of her fundraising, she has organized a virtual 5k/10k with an adorable medal.  I couldn't resist, and since her virtual race takes place the weekend of my first prescribed training run for the Space Coast half, I was already slated to run 3 miles. Now I have motivation to start running again before then so I can at least finish in under 45 minutes.

I thought I'd send out the information to my friends who are either already training for longer runs, or maybe just want motivation to walk 3.1 miles (or 6.2 miles) around the neighborhood. Whether you're local and want to shuffle along with me, or far away and plan to run or walk elsewhere, I hope you'll consider joining the fun.  Heck...maybe if any locals want to join together we can move the fun to one of the Disney resorts with a running path! (and then celebrate with an ice cream or an adult beverage?)

So what is Alex's Lemonade Stand?  According to the website, their mission is:

To raise money and awareness of childhood cancer causes, primarily research into new treatments and cures.

To encourage and empower others, especially children, to get involved and make a difference for children with cancer.

And Alex? (grab a tissue before clicking that one!)

ALSO...in September, the ALSF is holding a "Million Mile Run" fundraiser.  I have started a team and would love to involve anyone who is interested.  Thanks to my aforementioned training, I'm already slated to run 30+ miles in September.  Teams are supposed to run/walk at least 100 miles, and while sponsorship is encouraged, there's absolutely no registration fee.  As long as you have a comfortable pair of shoes and 20 minutes a day (way more than you should need to walk one mile), you could easily walk 30 miles of your own.  No fitness level required!

If you're interested in joining my team, just click here, select "I'm joining an existing team," and choose "Park Hoppers" from the drop-down list.  If you would like to donate a set amount, you can do that through the team page here (I'm going to make it pretty...later).  If you want to sponsor me per mile, leave me a comment/email/text and I'll keep track and let you know at the end of September how I did and how you can contribute.  And though I'm planning on doing most of my miles either on the treadmill or jogging around the neighborhood, if you want to do a fun walk at a Disney park or somewhere else I'll gladly come along.

Fitness for you and me...research for childhood cancer.  What's the down side?

Running in "Style"

I haven't had much to talk about on the running front recently.  That's probably because I haven't been doing any running.  In order to run before work, I would have to wake up at 3am.  That's a big fat NO!  And by the time I get home, it's 90+ degrees or raining.  And by the time the sun goes down, I'm in bed.

That changes soon.  I bought a treadmill and am waiting for it to be delivered.  It's going to live in the garage, with a fan, and I'll be out there 3 days a week.  It's time to start training again!

I recently bought a crazy pair of silver leggings as a base for a running outfit (I refuse to call it a costume) for the Space Coast Half Marathon.  And last night when I was laying in bed not sleeping, I was brainstorming how to turn the silver leggings into an awesome outfit.  I came up with a sparkly black tulle ruffled skirt and some sort of space-themed top, but then I couldn't figure out how to make the skirt.  (yes, I literally was contemplating sewing patterns. WTF?)  So today I found a kids' pattern online that I think would work for my purposes and started to visually put the pieces together.  Here's what I'm currently contemplating:

The leggings are pretty close to the ones I bought - shiny like a mylar balloon - and the skirt is pretty close to what I had in mind.  I'm not sold on the shirt, but I like that it's both spacey and girly.  I also think this would work with a bright pink shirt that says "Space Cadet" in sparkly letters.  The shoes? Obviously no! They came with the image of the leggings.

So...the Space Coast Half is the first Sunday of December.  The following Saturday (yep, 6 days later) I am signed up for the Orlando Half.  For that one, I found some sparkly orange organza that I'd like to use for a skirt (hoping for a 1/2 price sale around Halloween), and I thought it would be fun to find a shirt with an old Florida postcard image or Disney's Orange Bird.  Cute, right?

And of course, it's never too early to start thinking about the 2014 Princess Half Marathon Weekend!  I signed up for the inaugural Glass Slipper Challenge, which is two races in two days - the new Enchanted 10K on Saturday and then the Princess Half on Sunday.  I thought it would be fun to go fairly costumed up for the 10K, since it's less than half the distance/time to have to handle wearing silly pieces, and am currently digging the visual of the sisters of PNK sorority from Monsters University.   I'd have to experiment with the fuzzy leg pieces, but I think I could stitch them right to the bottom of a pair of capris.

...and then for the Princess Half, I think something quirky but sensible (again, obviously wrong shoes) with a nod to Disney but without going Princess would be great.  What do you think?

So yes, I'm currently planning outfits to wear 5-8 months from now.  Just don't ask what I'm wearing to work tomorrow!

CARROTS!?!?

The color of my hair probably gave away the subtle Anne of Green Gables reference in my post title. I've finally achieved the red hair I dreamed of when reading the Anne novels in fifth and sixth grades. 

...the only problem is I was expecting dark auburn instead of orange. 

I think I might love it, but right now this face pretty much captures my "oh my golly" mood pretty accurately!

Cajun Cookin'

Last night I tried out a new recipe that I copied out of a magazine at work.  The recipe was for chicken gumbo, but I made a few substitutions.  It was really tasty, and made a crazy amount of food.  I figured I should save the recipe for posterity, so that I won't have to worry about losing the copy I made!  The recipe is below, with my substitutions in parentheses.

Easy Chicken (and seafood) Gumbo
adapted from Southern Living Magazine, February 2010

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup peanut oil
• 1/2 cup all purpose flour
• 1 cup chopped sweet onion
• 1 cup chopped green bell pepper
• 1 cup chopped celery
• 11/2 - 3 tsp. Cajun seasoning
• 2 tsp. minced garlic
• 3 (14 oz.) cans chicken broth (I used homemade seafood stock)
• 1/2 lb. Andouille sausage, cut into 1/4" slices
• 4 cups chopped cooked chicken (I used 2 cups chicken and 2 cups mixed seafood)
• okra pilau (recipe below)

1. Heat oil in large dutch oven or stock pot over medium-high heat; whisk in flour and cook, whisking constantly, 5 minutes or until flour is chocolate-colored. (Do not burn!)
2. Reduce heat to medium. Stir in onion, bell pepper, celery, seasoning, and garlic and cook, stirring constantly, for 3 minutes.  Gradually stir in broth and sausage. Increase heat to medium-high and bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally, 20 minutes.
3. Prepare okra pilau.
4. Stir chicken (and seafood) into gumbo, cook 5 minutes. Serve over okra pilau.

Okra Pilau
Southern Living Magazine, February 2010

Ingredients

• 3 bacon slices
• 1 large sweet onion, chopped
• 1 lb. frozen sliced okra, thawed
• 2 (8.5 oz.) packages ready-to-serve Cajun rice (I used Zatarain's reduced-sodium jambalaya mix)

1. Cook bacon in large skillet over medium-high heat 5-7 minutes or until crisp; remove bacon and drain on paper towels. Reserve 2 Tb. drippings in skillet.
2. Sauté onion and okra in hot bacon grease over medium-high heat 6-8 minutes or until tender.
3. Prepare rice according to package directions. Stir rice and crumbled bacon into okra mixture.

Some additional musings on this culinary production:

This is actually the first time I've ever made bacon.  (Seriously?  Seriously.) And I have to tell you - I think I missed my calling. 

I'd be perfectly happy making just the okra rice and stirring some chicken or sausage into it.  At that point, it probably is jambalaya.  But really, okra cooked in bacon is really delicious. 

I think I'd be just as content with plain white rice cooked in stock instead of the Cajun rice, because there are A LOT of flavors in this dish.

If you're making both, make the rice in advance and leave it off the heat with the lid on the pot as long as you need it.  This recipe was almost more juggling than I could handle on my own.

I used the weird frozen seafood mix (shrimp, squid, octopus, and mussels) I bought at Bravo.  I thawed them, then sautéed in 1 Tb. oil and 1 tsp. minced garlic for 2-3 minutes.  Plain old shrimp would work too.

Oh, my dishes! I used 2 skillets, 2 big pots, a bunch of bowls, cutting boards, and other measuring instruments and utensils and I can't figure out how I could have used less.

I actually formed and popped a blister on my finger from chopping all the vegetables.  Apparently I'm out of practice!

This was my first time making a dark roux, and I liked that the recipe used peanut oil instead of shortening just to make that process go a little faster.  The stuff goes from tan to dark brown in seconds, so don't walk away. Don't even take your eyes off the pot. And have the next ingredients standing by ready to dump in.

I can't say for sure, because I haven't had lunch yet, but this seems like the kind of dish that tastes even better the next day.  It's also an incredibly forgiving recipe.  It wasn't until I was transcribing the original recipe that I realized I screwed up the amount of stock used.  I only used 3 cups, and it should've been almost 6!

I highly recommend making it, and I'm sure I'll be doing it again. 

Lies, Secrets, and Sadness: a winding trip down the stream of consciousness

I have a serious thing about lying.  For much of my childhood, I'm pretty sure I was a pathological liar.  I distinctly remember a lesson about fire safety in grade school in New Jersey (second or third grade).  It was about having an escape plan and a family meeting area, and I said that I couldn't have gotten out my bedroom window in Florida because of the cactus outside my window.  But it was ok, because I had a skylight and my parents kept a ladder in my room.

(the nuggets of truth in that story, in case you were wondering, are that I lived in Florida and had a bedroom window)

I don't know when it happened, but I guess gradually over time I realized that it's so much easier to just tell the truth.  Sure, sometimes it's hard, but at least you don't find yourself picking through a mine-laden web (my analogies, let me count them for you...).  A bunch of people have heard me say, "sorry I didn't call you back - I'm an @$$hole sometimes," instead of a story about a dead phone or malfunctioning voicemail.  To the best of my knowledge, it hasn't lost me any friends.

Sadly I haven't quite been able to give up my addiction to lies of omission, otherwise known as secrets. I've never really been good at drawing the line between personal and public (hello, random stranger!), and sometimes when I know someone is going to disapprove or disagree with a decision I've made it's just easier to keep it to myself.  For example, see my previous 4-months-belated post.

Keeping secrets is a lonely business.  I have to keep fun or interesting bits of information from people I know would appreciate them because I'm not sure whether I'm going to give something away.  But you know what's even worse than that? Not having a support system in place when something goes wrong because people don't know the back-story and it's too long and difficult at that point to fill in the gaps. 

Speaking of loneliness, I was having a text conversation with my favorite aunt the other night, and she said something about not worrying about me because I was self-sufficient.  I told her that for me it's easier to do things for myself than to ask for help.  I'm fairly confident I get that from my dad.  And I hate it.  For example, right this very second oh my golly I have an amount of sadness in me that I can physically feel pressing on my lungs.  I know if I tried to pick up the phone and call anyone that I would turn into a sobbing incoherent mess and they would think I'd been in a car accident and had my legs amputated.  And what the hell would I say in a text? "Hi, world is crashing down on me. Want to give up your fun Friday night plans and listen to me lament?" Or perhaps something a little more selfish: "I know you have genuine soul-crushing sadness of your own right now, but I need you to focus on me."

I know this will pass.  The fact is this particular emotional collapse started as the kind of anger that makes you physically tremble.  (PLEASE tell me that's not unique to me and my paternal bloodline...)  All I wanted to do was leave the house and find a friend to bitch to.  And that's when I realized I had nowhere to go.  Outside of Scott and work friends, I haven't really seen anyone in a few months.  And I can't impose my freak-out on someone I've barely spoken to.  And yes, Scott would drop anything to help me.  But it would be selfish of me on 17 different levels to go to him.  So the anger turned to despair.

And so I came here to my blog.  I had a good cry all over this messy post of self-pity and catharsis.  I played some off-brand Scrabble online with Scott while I was typing, so it was sort of like having someone there to talk to. 

Tomorrow and Sunday, I think I have no choice but to throw myself head-first into homework. It's the best thing for me emotionally and educationally.  Monday, I might have to finally admit I'm in over my head and call my shrink.  (funny, I believe it was last month around PMS time I looked up his phone number)  I want to run away from home for a few days, but I can't actually afford to.  I can but I have a feeling I'm going to need my savings for more practical things.  I've got standing room offers from people within driving distance, but who wants a black cloud coming for a visit?  I'd be pissed at me if I showed up for a visit in a mood like this!

So if you're reading this, don't be worried about me.  I am self-reliant, even when I would rather not be.  And I'm already feeling better than I was three paragraphs ago.  But if you have any advice on not being socially stunted, I'd love to hear it.  It's obviously something I need to work on!

An Open Letter to Friends and Family

Dear people who love me and/or care about me,

 

I love and/or care about you too. Though I rarely see you in person, the relationship we have – as family members, friends, or work acquaintances – means the world to me. Facebook has been such a blessing to me, enabling me to be so much more in touch with people who would otherwise just be on the Christmas card list…or would have lost contact with many moons ago. I get to see the weddings, the babies, the kids, the proms and graduations… all the happy moments I’d otherwise miss out on.

 

Mostly, I use Facebook to post day-to-day little blurbs about work or school, rarely using it to discuss bigger issues. Most of you don’t know why I don’t have kids. Or what I want to be when (if) I grow up. Do you know what’s up between me and my Dad? (really…do you? If you do, would you please tell ME?) It’s not that these things are a secret… it’s just that I think they require a treatment more in-depth than the 2-3 sentences my average Facebook status contains.

 

That’s why we are here. Welcome to my blog. It’s not much, especially not for the past 6 months, but it’s where I go to tell my tales, plan my future, and oftentimes vent about things that are upsetting me. But sometimes the really big issues don’t fit in this space either. Sometimes the words don’t come. Or the words would hurt someone else. So the words stay in my head, or are whispered to someone else. Anyway, I have brought you all here today because I have something to tell you. It still feels like the blog isn't the right venue, but I just can't do this one-on-one.

 

Scott and I are separated.

 

We have been since January. I haven’t told a lot of people, but since some of you are putting the pieces together on your own I thought now is probably as good a time as any to pull the Band-Aid off. I’m not going to discuss the details here. You are welcome to ask questions, but I reserve the right to not answer. Based on the questions and comments I’ve gotten so far, I’m including a proactive “FAQ/C” section below. I’ll be adding to it over the next few days if needed.

 

Why didn’t you say anything sooner? Lots of reasons, really. Among them:

I wanted things to stabilize between Scott and me…

I know how judgmental I am and wasn’t ready to be judged by other people…

I couldn’t figure out how to make such a big pronouncement (and surprisingly “announcing break-up on Facebook” doesn’t really yield a lot of good Google search results).

 

OK, but why didn’t you tell ME sooner? I told people who needed to know for various reasons (such as Florida vacations that involved staying at the house I wasn’t living in at the time) and people I needed to know. I don’t think I told more than 4 or 5 people outside of those I see every day. If you are feeling left out or hurt, please consider the last time we confided anything in each other.

 

This news makes me feel . I appreciate that you care, but at this time I have enough feelings of my own to deal with. I can’t really process yours as well. Thank you for sharing, and I regret that I am unable to help you through this difficult time.

 

Your decisions and actions are hurtful to Scott. Thank you for looking out for him. Please allow me also to thank you on his behalf. At this point, my relationship with Scott is between me and Scott. I am aware that actions have consequences, but hopeful that he will always have a place in my life.

 

Your decisions and actions are hurtful to God. Thank you for looking out for Him. Please allow me also to thank you on His behalf. At this point, my relationship with God is between me and God. I am aware that actions have consequences, but hopeful that He will always have a place in my life.

 

Do I have to un-friend Scott on ? Of course not! Neither of us is asking anyone to pick sides. Besides, I’m guessing if we did make you choose one of us, you’d choose him.

 

What happened? Someday maybe I’ll look back on this whole situation with clarity and be able to adequately explain. Maybe at that time I’ll share what I figure out. Honestly though, that is likely to be a conversation between me and a professional paid to listen to me and keep my personal stuff in confidence.

 

Wow…that really sucks. Yes…yes it does.

 

What’s next? There’s a good reason I decided to throw myself into academics for the next two semesters. “An idle mind… something something something,” right? After that, I guess we’ll see.

 

What do you need? I have to admit, every time someone has asked me this or offered a room to sleep in or a shoulder to cry on, it has surprised and humbled me. Like I said, I have spent a lot of time over the years judging other people, so the people who have offered to prop me up have shown me how I should have behaved all along, and certainly how I hope to be in the future. Right now, I don’t need anything. But thank you for asking. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU.

 

If you’re still reading, thank you. 800+ words later, I guess you must care! Nothing about this situation has been easy. I realize I’m not really in a position to ask for sympathy, and I honestly don’t expect it or really need it. However, I respectfully request that you understand that this wasn’t done to you and isn’t about you. If your first reaction to this letter is any of the first five I outlined above, please don’t share it with me. And if you do, please don’t be upset if you don’t get the response you hoped for.

 

But enough about me…what do YOU think of me? Just kidding…I don’t want to know!

 

Love,

Jamie

Summer and Fall Switch-Up

Six Classes.

I have six classes to go until I finally have my Bachelor of Arts degree.

I'm feeling particularly good about school right now.  After nailing my final papers in both classes (which means a 90% in the hard-grader-from-Hell Business Writing class and a 100% in the easier-than-it-should-have-been Staffing & Training in Organizations class), I finished this semester with an A- and an A.  These grades, averaged with the B and A- from last semester, qualify me for Dean's List.

Dean's List Again?  Again.  Who IS this academic wonder?

Unfortunately, my plans for "suicide summer" have fallen through.  It turns out student loans have an annual cap, and I already hit it. 

And so, I took my half of the tax return and registered for one (debt-free) class.  And then I realized I would be getting my tuition reimbursed for both classes this semester, so I registered for another summer class.  I'll be paying for that one once I get my money.

Strangely enough, neither of the two classes I'm now registered for in the summer were on my original summer class list.  I decided to take one of the classes I was dreading during the summer when I would be able to devote all of my attention to it.  It's my writing-intensive class, LER 458Y: History of Work in America, and the sample syllabus indicates it is also research-heavy.  Oh, and compressed into a semester that's 1/4 shorter.  (it seemed a good idea when I was only taking one class. now it seems like a good brain stretcher!)

On top of that, I added LER 401: The Law of Labor-Management Relations.   I chose this class for two reasons: I've always loved law classes, and if I decide to go for my Master's through Penn State this class also counts toward that program (as did the Training class this semester, and as does LER 444 below).

Two classes scheduled, four to go!

I have flip-flopped my Summer and Fall schedules at least three times now, but I'm fairly confident that my Fall schedule is going to stick.  I decided to take a whopping three classes, mostly because I know I can:

LER 136: Race, Gender and Employment - This is a degree requirement with three required textbooks (WHY can't they just pick one?).  Also, almost half of the grade is tied up in group work.  Since this is 100-level, I'm assuming it's going to be a weed-out class and needlessly difficult.

LER 444: Occupational Health: Policy and Practice - A lot of my current job revolves around OSHA regulations, so this felt like a natural fit for me.  This one should also qualify for tuition reimbursement. 

ASIA 100: What is Asia? - Yep, totally serious on this one.  Compared to my other options to meet the "other cultures" BA requirement, this looks like the most interesting class.

So, between Summer and Fall, I have five of my six graduation requirements scheduled.  The only other graduation requirement I'll have in Spring will be LER 312: Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations.  I don't really know why I'm putting this one off, but I know I am dreading it.  It's four credits (most classes are three), and the sample syllabus actually contains the following text: "This may end up being one of the toughest courses you take, but you will end up with a finished product that you can give to employers and graduate admissions committees as a writing sample. Good luck."

So if Summer and Fall kick my ass, I'll take it easy in the Spring and just take that one class.  However, my plan right now is to find another interesting course to round out my schedule.  Whether that ends up being a fluff class in or out of my major (shame they don't offer underwater basket weaving online...) or another class that doubles for a future Master's program is very much up in the air.

So what's with the Master's talk?  Well, I started looking at the money to be made in HR.  Sure, the purpose of the degree was so that I could move up in my current organization and stay focused on training, but I've seen what my organization pays its front-line managers.  I also learned an awful lot about recruiting and staffing in the class this semester and I realized that HR has a lot of interesting components.  Combined with my HR-ish years of experience in my current position, a Master's makes it much more likely that I move up quickly.  Part of me wonders whether an extra $25,000 investment will pay itself off, and part of me even wonders whether I could be accepted into this program, but I know I've been banging my head against the "no degree" ceiling for the past 13 years and I don't want to bang into the "no Master's" ceiling in another 3-5.

As soon as I graduate, I'm also going to get signed up to take the PHR certification.  In addition to finally being one of those people with letters behind their name, I've noticed that a lot of employers prefer that you be certified even for HR Generalist positions.  It would be best to take the test before all of my undergrad learning bleeds out, since only a small portion revolves around training.

...and so, now we are all caught up on the minutiae of Jamie's Academic Progress.  Any questions?

Not Quite a Vacation

Take a look at my summer work schedule.  The days in dark green are regular days off, light green are vacation days, and blue are work days.

In the 42 days from May 12 to June 22, I'll be at work only 19 days.

Sounds fabulous, right?

Not quite.

I figured out a plan to graduate this December, and have decided to go ahead and bust my butt this summer to accomplish that.  Four courses in twelve weeks.  Actually, two of those courses will be finished in six weeks - the six weeks you see above.  I figured that I generally only spend one full day and a few evening hours a week on two courses, so I shouldn't have any trouble adding another two courses if I take a few days off from work.  And at the end of the six weeks, I return to normal work and finish the other two classes.

Of course, this pretty much means that I'll be squeezing five days of work into a three day week.  It also means squeezing four classes worth of knowledge into my brain at once.

Can I do it?  YES I CAN!
(I think)

...and once I finish my crazy summer, I'll just have two classes to go in the fall.

So what's on the agenda?

LER 136 - Race, Gender, and Employment (major requirement) - Employment relations and legislative and policy responses to labor force issues of racial and gender inequality.
LER 312 - Research Methods in Labor Studies and Employment Relations (major requirement) - Provides an understanding of social science research as employed in the field of Human Resources and Employment Relations.
LER 464 - Communication Skills for Leaders in Groups and Organizations (hoping to get tuition reimbursement from work for this one) - Theory-and research-based communication skills for leaders dealing with work-related problems in contemporary groups and organizations.
ANTH 011 - Introductory North American Archaeology (fulfills "other cultures" requirement for BA) - Introduction to archaeology of the North American Indians; sites, methods, and results of research interpreted in cultural history.

Wish me luck.  I'm hoping this doesn't actually become the "suicide summer" that I've been joking about!

Highs and Lows

I think this screenshot says a lot about my running progress: 19 miles one week, then only 2 the next.  Then again, this week has been pretty much covered in a layer of snot, so I guess 2 miles just has to be good enough.  Don't worry about my snot though, I have been advised by the doctor that I have the common cold, and sleep and lots of water (and some zyrtec and mucinex) will fix me up in no time.  I hope so...I miss breathing!

School starts back up this week.  I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of things. Break seems to have gone on forever, and my brain is already starting to feel mushy again.

Closing the Book on 2012

It's weird to say, but I'm hesitant to leave 2012 behind.  It's been such an amazing year for me. How can next year possibly match it?

You've all been along with me for the ride, and I'm not going to re-hash everything that happened.  You can read the archives if you want.  There were only 45 posts this year...shouldn't take too long.  Anyway, here is my traditional year-end non-sequitor overly-hyphenated wrap-up: (the first word in each sentence links back to the first blog post of each month)

I'm not making resolutions.  First of all, I would like to point out that I'm actually following through on the arbitrary goals I put on myself.  On my 30th birthday, my co-worker Donna bought me a big ol' mylar "30" balloon. I wish I had a picture...I think you'd be impressed. This is officially the highest GPA I've had in my collegiate life (previous part-time summer semesters were both in the 3.6 area), and I freaking earned it!

Just a quick update for posterity: Yesterday, I ran my first mile in 13.58 minutes. 

I called Sirius-XM this afternoon because my most recent promotional rate was about to expire.  I thought I'd preserve for posterity a section of the last paper I had to write for my Industrial/Organizational Psychology class this semester.  This kid started kindergarten today.  The duct tape on my feet held perfectly.  When I get the cooking bug, it's pretty inconvenient with the working and the studying and the exercise... ok, mostly the working and the studying, but I digress.  I had a long training run this morning - 8 miles - and during that time, I found myself doing a little reflection.
Hardly seems to cover everything, but I guess it touches on the highlights.  I can't even imagine what's in store for the next 12 months. 

Bring on 2013!

Some School Numbers

We're now at the end of my third semester back at school, and I really believe I'm going to survive this goal.  Some random stats to throw out:

Fall 2012 GPA: 3.34
Cumulative GPA: 2.44 (it's mathematically impossible to raise that even up to 3.0 before I graduate)
Major GPA: 3.33
Minor GPA: 3.17

2012 Grades: 3 A's, 2 A-'s, 1 B

So, that's where we stand.  It's about time to start searching for cheap textbooks for Spring semester. I've got English 202 (Business Writing) and LER 426 (Staffing & Training Strategies).  Guess which one I'm looking forward to more...

12.43

I didn't do any more running after I nabbed this screenshot from my RunKeeper app, but did walk a slow 1/2 mile with Scott. I thought I was DONE, but 4 houses past ours, I was ready to run again.

12.43/mile. The me of 8 months ago (and 6 and 4 and 2 months ago) can't freaking believe it. The me of today is looking forward to adding a second sub-13 mile in a row, but knows that's at least a month away. She also knows it'll happen. After all, my previous PR was 13.02!

She's feeling sort of invincible right now.

Reindeer Run

Check us out! We're runners!

Yesterday was the Reindeer Run at Sea World, which sounded like so much fun that Scott was willing to let me sign him up.  It turns out that this run didn't feel as well organized as the Disney runs, but the path was wide enough that there were very few choke points.

I also learned that Scott, who didn't train AT ALL for this run, runs faster than I do.  I don't know how long he'd be able to sustain that (I'm guessing not 10 miles...), but I was actually chasing him a few times wondering how much longer he'd run before our next walk break.

I had a LOT of fun! And I'm so proud of Scott for running with me, and glad he did.  It turns out running is harder when you're laughing, but so much more rewarding.



Classic...I Guess

When you find a style that works for you, why change (even 11 years later)?

Time With My Thoughts

I had a long training run this morning - 8 miles - and during that time, I found myself doing a little reflection.  It's amazing what two hours (and six minutes) alone with your thoughts and some tunes can yield!

Starting at the bottom...of my feet
A few weeks back, I was at a bar with some guys from work and one was telling me his philosophy of feet.  He says that you can tell a lot about a woman by the state of her feet.  At the time, I made a joke about him having a foot fetish, but agreed with him.  I spend about as much time on making my feet pretty as I do on anything else - not a whole lot.  My polish is usually chipped and/or multi-colored, my shoes are for comfort rather than style, and I didn't spend the time or money for pedicures even when I had the time or money for pedicures.  In other words, my feet show that I'm low-maintenance, and not concerned with appearances.

But today, I was thinking about the actual damage to my feet.  I have blisters from my shoes, blisters from my blister remedies, and callouses and scars from running combined with other factors.  My feet show more than that I don't care about appearances.  They show that I am capable of continuing through adversity.  They show that I'm not a quitter.  And really, what could be more beautiful than that?

Progress
I've been thinking a lot about my progress recently.  Remember when it was a huge deal that I was able to run a mile in under 14 minutes?  I realized recently that I'm pushing towards a sub-13 pace these days.  I'm sure I could do it for a mile, but then would be wrecked for the rest of my run.  On my morning runs, I tend to get disappointed when my pace isn't under 14 minutes for both miles. 

In addition to speed, I am shocked at my stamina.  When I was training for the 10-Miler, my last decent run was 6 miles.  And I blogged about the utter failure that was my 8-mile training run.  Today, I took a few walk breaks and even stopped to take a few pictures, but pretty much maintained a moderate pace throughout.  And when I finished, I was smiling.  Really!  Ask Scott!  I also managed to make it through the rest of today without a nap.

(note: my weekday runs are up to 30/35 second run-walk intervals. today's long run was a pleasantly slow 20/40, which was easy to maintain)

My next long run is 10 miles, in two weeks.  I have a 5k next week, and am wondering if I'll be able to beat my pace from the Jingle Jungle 5k last month.  And for anyone keeping track, the Princess Half Marathon is 77 days away.

I got this.

Crapple Pie

Well, I'm sorry to say the crapple pie lived up to its name.  Strangely enough, it wasn't the cranberries-simmered-in-mystery-liquid that did it in.  In fact, I'd say the cranberries were the highlight of the pie!  Having just skimmed my last few posts, I realize that I haven't spoken about the pie before, so I guess a little rewind is needed.

Somewhere between Thanksgiving shopping at Publix last weekend and pie baking on Thursday, I decided to change my plain apple pie into a "crapple" pie with the addition of cranberries.  Those of you who have been reading for six years, (DEAR LORD, when did six years go by??!?) or who were at that fateful Thanksgiving dinner, might remember when I proclaimed that cranberries have no place in civilized desserts, and wonder when I changed my mind.  I didn't - I just forgot!

So I started by simmering cranberries (just 1/2 cup) in some apple juice, brown sugar, and sherry.  I wanted brandy, but apparently we were out, and the sherry caught my eye before the rum.  After 45 minutes, they had popped open, sweetened, and were absolutely delicious.  I took them off the heat and left the pot on the stove to cool, and every time I walked into the kitchen, I'd pop one in my mouth.

Self control?  What's that?

And then I made cornbread for Scott's stuffing dressing, pizza crust for Thursday's dinner, and then considered the 2 1/4 cups of AP flour I'd need for the pie crust.  And that's when the pie started going south - when I realized the crust was going to include 1/2 cup of whole wheat flour.

Scott was helping me core and peel apples when I realized I should probably find an apple pie recipe to modify, rather than just winging the whole thing.  "Two teaspoons of cinnamon?  That couldn't be enough!  I'll use a tablespoon."

...and then the time came to roll out the crust.

I'm blaming the whole wheat flour, mostly because the crust just looked healthy with those dark speckles.  Really though, the fault lies somewhere between the temperature of my little baking corner (which, have I mentioned, is the spot right next to the damn oven?  nice choice, Jamie!), my own temperament - woah, crazy lady! - and my hesitance to use enough self-rising flour on the rolling surface because I thought it might somehow make the crust puffy.

The first horrible attempt to transfer the crust to the pie plate, during which I let out a string of f-words, I'm pretty sure caused Scott and both cats to hide behind various pieces of furniture.  I did, in fact, scare myself.  On the second attempt, the crust still refused to release from the pastry mat.  So I took the whole mat and flipped it over onto the pie plate.  The crust (mostly) transferred, but I made a powdery explosion of flour all over every surface on that half of the kitchen - stove, counter, wall, floor...  It was a mess.  And Scott agreed to clean it up, probably out of fear.  Seriously, picture "There is no Dana, only Zuuuuuuuuuulllll" only without the cool gold dress and wildly-blowing hair.

With the apples transferred into the pie, I arranged the cranberries over the top.  And then I started on the top crust.

I had already decided on a lattice, because it's so much easier to transfer the small strips of crust than an entire disc.  Unfortunately, the entire disc of dough cemented to the counter.  I declared defeat, then declared "rustic tart!"  I didn't have enough dough to fold up the edges all the way around, so I decided to just drop torn chunks of dough willy-nilly on the top.

It became #UglyPie. 

Surely, something that ugly would at least taste good, right?

Sigh...

The apples were too firm, the filling was too liquid, there was WAY too much cinnamon (and lemon! I just used the lemon to keep the apples from browning, but I'll be damned if my first bite wasn't predominantly lemon and cinnamon), some of the crust chunks on the top were burned...but the cranberries were still delicious.

So that's the tale of the crapple pie.  My apple pie last year sucked, but in different ways, so I'm thinking that maybe it's just time to move on.  I make a mean peach, I enjoy cherry and blueberry.  Maybe it's time to learn pumpkin or some sort of custard.

It's All Gravy

From-scratch day-late free-balled Thanksgiving dinner was delicious, with only a few culinary missteps.  The following is more of a "see you next year" reference than anything meant to be read for fun:

Scott's Best Gravy Yet:
3 T butter
3 T AP flour
2 C turkey drippings/chicken stock (or broth)
Make a light roux - 5-10 minutes - and slowly add the liquid, 1/4 c at a time, whisk constantly until gravy thickens to desired consistency.

Use the dinner roll recipe in the Pillsbury cookbook, but don't forget to add the egg before all of that flour!

Sherry has no place in civilized cranberry sauce, but the texture is better when simmered on the stove top than just eaten raw.  Try again next year!

Time for a new green vegetable recipe! 

Here's the cornbread dressing recipe, which is delicious, but there was WAY too much baking soda in the cornbread.  (once doused with gravy, it was still good enough to make again)

Take the turkey out of the roasting bag for the last 45-60 minutes to brown the skin.

Time to give up on apple pie. They're always tasty, but not happy with the texture of the apples.