Now That's What I Call Customer Service

I called Sirius-XM this afternoon because my most recent promotional rate was about to expire.  What follows is a partial transcript of the conversation:

Me: Hi, I'm calling to do that thing where I say I'm going to cancel my subscription and then you offer me a better rate.
Customer Service Rep: Umm...wow...ok...
{pause while he checks on my existing package}

CSR: Well, things have changed since your last subscription.  We only have packages for a full year.  Let's see... I have one for $96 and one for $83.
Me: And what's the difference between the two? (expecting one to include internet radio or something)
CSR: One is 40% off and the other is 50% off. Most people would choose the 50% off option.
{blah blah blah}

CSR: (going through his script) And to summarize, you called today to cancel your subscription because you were unhappy with your rate?
Me: Yes, that's exactly right.

Really, I only want to keep the service through November because I'm in love with the POTUS channel and am a cyclical political junkie, but I get 8 bucks a month of enjoyment out of the service so I decided to go for it.  Needless to say, I chose the 50% off option. 

I was worried that if I actually told the truth that they would shoot me down.  Instead, I gave the CSR his laugh of the day, and still got what I wanted and he gets a stat that says he kept someone from cancelling.  Win-Win!

Sad Jamie

You know how they say famous people die in threes? I'm hoping that's not true outside of celebrity, because if it is I'm really waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Last week an old security friend of mine, Bob T., died. Back when I was doing bag checks, he was out at one of the entry kiosks. He was just one of those people that was a pleasure to be around - happy, laid-back, and could always make you smile.

And just last night I learned that one of the founding members of the Jamie Fan Club over at the Call Center died back in April. Karen was absolutely the most wonderful person in that room. This was a pretty big shock. Although I guess it was an even bigger shock to everyone at the Call Center. She stayed late on overtime the day before she died. Absolutely no one saw it coming. And you know, of all the people in that room, she's probably one of the few that more than half of the people would miss. She always had a smile and a kind word for those of us she liked (yeah, she was feisty!). She's one of those that I cried over losing when I left the Call Center, and I cried again last night.

She gave me an angel key chain when I left, and I have no idea where it is, but I am all of a sudden driven to find it. When I do, I'll probably attach it to my purse somehow. I'd like to believe that she's still watching over us.

5-Star Thanksgiving

One word to describe the first half of my work day: SUCKED. If I had more of a word allowance, I might add a few more: sucked hairy monkey balls. Despite the fact that I was there to hold her hand through half of Wednesday, our part-timer seems to be leaving more and more work for me to clean up on Thursdays. I don't know if things are really as hectic as she says, or if she's just taking advantage because she knows I'll clean up the mess.

Of course, once I got that mess cleaned up and I realized that I wasn't going to be making any phone calls, the day fell into a comfortable rhythm - busy, hectic, but full of good cheer and happy people. And I wore a skirt. People seem to think I look good as a girl. Don't get me wrong - skirts are too much of a pain to do on a regular basis, and I fully intend to wear khakis tomorrow - but maybe I'll wear a skirt again for Christmas.

And in case you were wondering what they serve at a froo-froo restaurant on Thanksgiving, how does Roulade of Sonoma Turkey with Foie Gras-Cornbread Stuffing and Sweet Potato Purée sound? Well, it was one of the best dinners I've ever had. And I brought half the turkey and stuffing and most of the haricot verts (ok, green beans) home for Scott. Sadly for him, I licked the plate clean of the sweet potatoes and the fresh cranberry sauce.

I sent an e-mail to some of my old work friends this afternoon, wishing them a happy Thanksgiving and hoping they were all fat and happy (except for John, who is still a little anorexic - I wished a pumpkin-flavored rice cake). John sent back such a funny reply I just had to share it:

Thank you for the sentiment. I despise pumpkin, though. It's a squash. Squash is not an acceptable component of any dessert. We don't eat broccoli cake nor do we eat green bean pudding, so whose bright idea was it to turn a squash into a pie?

On top of that…Thanksgiving is too close to Halloween, but not nearly far enough away, for me to be wholly convinced that the same nasty pumpkin that we gutted in mid-October and let rot on the front porch with a candle inside didn't end up on a crust with some allspice.

He's got a point. I hate it when he does that!

Three Months

Last night, I switched my blog over to the new Blogger Beta. Why? Well, for one, I was very excited about putting tags on all of my posts. I've gone back 100 posts, and have a little more than 150 to go (wow...my "food" posts have gone up exponentially since I started this job!). In the process of going through my old entries, I found a ticker that once was counting down my days left at the Call Center. Now the ticker is still there, counting UP my days away. And today was the three-month anniversary of my last day there. So I sent an e-mail out to some of my old chums...

My last day at the Call Center was 3 months ago today.

Has the hole in your hearts healed yet? Don't worry… it takes time to get over heartbreak!

Tee hee. I hope you are all having a lovely day, and that the crazies leave you the heck alone.

I know, it's amazing these people still talk to me! Well I got a few responses, and Jim's was so funny I just had to share it:

My heart is still mending but I think I'll get over it soon.. So ahhhhhh anymore free food lately? It's all about the food, you know. See the other day we were all handed a "Kudos" bar with a stupid little tag line "Kudos to you for all you do" and I was looking at it thinking how great it would be to be you with your $40 a lb lobster tail. I think a tear actually came to my eye! And the funny part is I dont eat seafood and I probably would of ate that piece of lobster meat just because of the price! Anyway of course we all miss you! You'll have to come visit again sometime!

Yeah, I definitely made a good career move. But I really miss those guys.

Things

It's been a while. I know. Here's what you've missed:

* The Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest -- it was ok. I over-anticipated it though, and no movie could live up to the hype I created in my own mind. Plus, we were sitting on the side of the theater (apparently 30 minutes early just wasn't early enough for this one) and I was having trouble making out some of the dialogue. My only real complaint was that for the length of the movie (2 1/2 hours), there were absolutely no plot resolutions. It really is the first half of a five-hour movie. And did I mention that the second half of the five-hour movie doesn't come out until next May? grr... I'm going to hold off on rating this movie until I see the next half.

* Last days of work -- I had a startling revelation over the past week. It's not the people I hated, it was the job. And I didn't realize how much I hated the job until I had a new job to look forward to. Of course, of the 100+ people I worked with, I will truly miss about 10. For my going away, Melissa baked one of her famous coffee cakes. Sandy and Marilyn both bought me Captain Jack action figures that they had seen. (now that I have three, it's officially a collection, n'est pas?) Karen gave me an angel keychain. And I got a card signed by the gang. The end was absolutely bittersweet, which I guess is how it should be. And of course I cried.

* Orientation Day -- I loathe new location orientation. I have been through them for 3 parks, security, the call center, and now a resort. YES, I know the 7 service guidelines. YES, I know what L.A.S.T. is all about. I don't really need a 2-hour property tour. Can't I take a pre-test and get out of it? Anyway, it was a short and boring day. On the bright side, our lunch was provided, and we got out around 2pm, though we were paid until 4.

I'm off today, and then tomorrow I actually get to start training in my actual job. Won't that be fun? Of course, I only have one day like that, and then the next day I have a class with the word 'basics' in the title. **gag** THEN I get to really get into the meat of the job.

Waxing

Now that I've only got three shifts left at the call center, I've started waxing reminiscent about my long and random job history. And my random hairstyles. And my glasses. I dug out some old pictures and decided to post them all together, for the sake of history. The only costumes missing from here are my Park Fare costume (pictures from that summer are nonexistent... I must be missing an album), the pink and blue American Adventure dress, and the Comm center (woo... light blue shirt and khaki pants!).

Tree of Life, summer '98. Watching people watch a 3-D movie is a job everyone should have for a day. I was lucky enough to do it for a whole summer. It's ok people -- the bees won't really sting you. ;-)


American Adventure, 2000-2001. This picture was scanned from my scrapbook, thus the black background. I'm not really sure how 'colonial' pigtails are, but somehow they worked for me!

One Man's Dream, 2001. I loved this location. I loved the costume (reversible vest... how cool is that??). I loved working in the same room as Mary Poppins' dress and all the other Disney history. Sadly, after 9/11 I was cut to 30 hours/week and had a new apartment and new car. I had to move on.

...to Security. Of course, if I hadn't made that move, I probably would have never met Scott. Or had to wear that awful hat! Oh who am I kidding? I should always wear hats! I LOVE hats! And I love Scott. But that goes without saying.

Allergic?

I need to have this checked out at a doctor - I think I'm allergic to stupid people. Really. How else would you explain the 15 minute call with frustrated lost people followed by the hives that broke out on my neck??

OK, maybe they weren't hives. And it's much more likely that the blotchy redness was caused by the Coke I had with dinner. Every time I have a coke at work it makes my cheeks all red. My frustration with the stupid lady probably raised my blood pressure, which in turn blotched my neck.

At any rate, my co-workers were amused by my new allergy. Good thing I'm getting the heck out, huh?

On a completely new topic, my friend Tom T from high school is in town. I'm going to hook up with him this afternoon before work to drop off some park tickets for him and two friends. Then tomorrow we're going to have lunch. His treat. :o) Last time he was in town, I paid. We have a floating lunch. It works out.

And let's change directions one more time. Check out this picture from the Pirates premiere at Disneyland. No, it's not Johnny Depp. Oh... you wanted to him? OK. But seriously, that first picture... woah... it just makes me want to sing that Sesame Street song, "one of these things is not like the other..."

It's a *good* thing!

So I re-read my last two posts and I think perhaps I have made my current situation sound negative. And I just want to remember this as a fun, happy time where my friends make my life hell in a good way. That's exactly what it is. Today from an operational standpoint was crap. Our service level was down as low as 51% (which means that almost half of the people who called hung up before we answered... we strive for 90%). It made for an interesting few hours. Everyone was on the phones, including our managers.

Managers should not take calls... especially when they don't remember how to use the switchboard software!

And afterward, when things calmed down a bit, we had LOTS of paperwork to catch up on. And you know what? It was fun. I love my team. And knowing that I'm leaving makes me love them more. And hey - I'm still on their hurricane ride-out crew. If there's a "big one," I'll be back.

And one more shortie from the world of work:

I pulled into our parking lot today about 5 minutes after the skies had opened up. (of course, 'tis the season for the 3:00 thunderstorm!) My plan was to sit in the car, call Scott, and see if the weather cleared a little before I had to bother with my big umbrella. That plan changed when Jim (who has lately become like "the big brother I never wanted") got out of his car and walked back two rows to where I was parked to make sure I got in the building ok. So I pointed to my umbrella and he waved and took off. I figured maybe I should go ahead in the building, and when I did I told everyone what he did. *I* really don't think I would have done that for anyone... although I guess now I owe Jim one!

10 Work Day Countdown

As of today, I have 10 work days left. Why the sudden countdown? After the night from HELL last night, I can't wait to get out! I was on the desk answering calls, which is my least favorite job. I had two people ask for my manager (which is just about my monthly quota... usually I pretend I am the manager). I was yelled at. I was stressed. It was almost non-stop my entire shift. And THEN I stayed an hour of O.T.

My favorite co-workers told me that they were going to make my life a living hell for the next two weeks. It's fine. I know that after I go, they're going to be short at night, and even if John is able to hire two people (to fill the existing hole and the one I'm causing), it'll be a month or more before they are both trained and competant. Whatever they dish out, I can take it. And I welcome it. I deserve it.

...as long as they don't put me back on the damn desk!

Ch-Ch-Changes

So... my last day at the call center is July 8. Imaging my surprise when I got a call from Administrative Recruiting today, a full week before I thought I'd hear anything, offering me the position. What about the "4 or 5 others" they had to interview in the next week??

So here's some of what I know (and can share) about my new job: I'll be confirming and booking reservations for one restaurant, I'll be located at the restaurant, reporting to both the front of house managers and the chef (dietary restrictions, special requests, etc.). I'll also be doing some billing and some other odds and ends.

Why the change? Well, this is about as different from my current job as I could find without going out and shoveling popcorn for $7/hour. The pay is about the same, but the atmosphere is completely different. Instead of babysitting other people, I'll be by myself probably half of my shift or more. Instead of fixing problems for angry guests, I'll be (hopefully) keeping them happy. Instead of knowing a little bit about 10 dozen different topics, I'll be an expert on one area. And instead of being one small cog in a large machine, I'll be a bigger cog in a smaller machine. Besides, as long as I'm in the hospitality industry, working in a 5-star restaurant looks pretty good on a resume.

Work was fun today. I accepted the position around 3:30, and by 4 it felt like the entire world knew. It was fun getting people's reactions...

* "Lost another one to Ditech!" (Marilyn)
* "You can't go - you're the blonde. Why are all the blondes leaving?" from Lydia, to which I replied, "we feel oppressed here."
* "Will you be able to hook me up with some steak?" (Jim)
* "Is it a small call center?" (Kay) Answer: "Well, yes, if by 'small' you mean just me."
* "They're going to yell at you over there." (Beth) "They yell at me here. I'll probably get yelled at much less."

It's a little scary completely switching gears like this, but I'm really looking forward to stretching another part of my brain. And I'm happy to be leaving the Call Center while I still like the job and most of the people who work there. It's always best to leave on good terms.

Rainbows of Fun

I was a little bored during my lunch break today. Bored with two variables to keep me occupied:
1) I just put new batteries in my camera, and
2) one of my co-workers gave me a 3" cheapie plastic kaleidoscope a few days ago.

So I took pictures through the kaleidoscope. I think they came out rather well.




Other than that, the only other excitement of the day was coming back from lunch only to find that my practical joke nemesis had replaced my beautiful desktop image of Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow with an awful image of some schmuck dressed as Captain Jack (I can't find the original... you'll just have to believe me that it's worse than this one!). I laughed so hard I needed two tissues to mop up my tears.

Has anyone seen my husband recently? He was gone when I woke up this morning, and still isn't home. I hear I should see him for a little while tomorrow. That'll be nice.

From the "Too Much Free Time" Files

Sometimes at work we have a lot of free time. It makes up for the days when we don't even have time to look up from the computer for 8 hours. We relish our free time and we spend it wisely.

OK, by "spend it wisely," I don't mean that we read books or balance our bank accounts or anything practical. We spend our time bonding as a group, torturing anyone foolish enough to walk away and leave their computer unlocked (Mary's desktop is an image that says "Jim is Great"), and finding other ways of amusing ourselves.

Today, we were insanely busy... for about 6 hours of our shift. In the other two hours, we discovered that if you call the call box attached to the entrance to our building, it answers automatically. And you can yell things at people as they are going home. It confused some, startled some, and amused the heck out of us. I even sang "So Long, Farewell" to the gals who left at 11:00.

I also got inspired to start an art project for John - create an image for him that combines his two favorite actors: Bette Davis and Pepe the King Prawn (he's a muppet... okay?). Of course, I couldn't start such a project at work, but he and I got to talking, and we decided it would be fun to do a whole line of images with an old-time movie star and a muppet. Such non-sequitor is bound to amuse. Well what could be better as a first project than a movie poster combining the Rat Pack with Rizzo the Rat?

Ohhh...my feet...

Last night, I thought I was going to be the computer guy all night -- the one who sits in the tiny office and doesn't ever really leave there -- so I wore my kick-@$$ high-heel loafers. I should've called and double-checked the schedule. I was actually the floor-walking trouble shooter. And there was a lot of trouble to shoot!

Actually, given the amount of walking I did, I'd say my feet fared well. Of course, as soon as I clocked out, I took my shoes off and walked out to my car in bare feet. No sense wearing those torture devices any longer than absolutely necessary, right?

I learned my lesson though. I'll be wearing comfy shoes for the conceivable future.

Confounded Confetti!

There's a commercial on TV these days. I can't remember what it's for. An employee is handed a cupcake with an unlit candle on the top and told 'happy anniversary.' And his boss calls him by the wrong name. It's funny. And yet so unlike my own anniversary experience.

Yesterday was my 6th company anniversary. I had forgotten until four of our managers surrounded my desk and showered me with confetti. And when I say "showered me with confetti," I mean it. I got up from my desk and shook out my shirt and about 30 little confettis came out the bottom. There were another 20 or so on my chair. They were in my hair. And they were allll over the floor. (oh the poor cleaning guy!)

A few hours later, after my lunch, I stopped in the bathroom and when I turned around to flush, there was a little red confetti floating in the toilet. It's not a good thing to laugh out loud in the bathroom stall... someone is bound to ask what you're laughing at. I had to share. And that was the big laugh to the others at the help desk last night.

I came home, got changed, played on the computer, watched my two hours of Sunday taped TV (OMG...the Grey's Anatomy finale tonight is going to kick @$$), and went to the bathroom before bed. Yep -- not only were there three more in the toilet, I pulled off another three that were stuck to my butt cheek! And this morning another one fell off of me. I don't know where they're coming from!!

I sincerely hope that that was the last one... because it's really starting to creep me out. It's just not natural! Anyway, happy anniversary to me!!

poop

I got pooped on at work yesterday. That's figurative poop, of course. And I can't talk about it in such a public forum. But apparently there's a trouble maker trying to influence someone else to complain about EVERYTHING, and I got pooped on in the process.

One of my old roommates had a saying that went something along the lines of "When you look around and the entire world is wrong, you might actually be the one who's wrong." Anyway, when you go to management and complain about multiple people doing their jobs in a way other than the way you want them to, perhaps it's you who has unreasonable expectations of others. Or maybe you're just not doing your job correctly.

I promised myself I would stay in this position for at least a year. At this rate, I'm wondering if I'm going to make it to October. The entire balance of the office is shifting. We've had two managers leave in the past month (of the 11 managers over our department, only 5 were there when I started). We're losing one Help Desk person this month, and another is actively looking for another job. And down on the floor, we're losing more operators than I can keep up with. Some are going elsewhere in the company, and some are just leaving.

A few of us were discussing exit interviews yesterday, and wondering why our office doesn't do them. Perhaps then the managers could figure out why we're hemmorhaging people like rats off a sinking ship (oh I LOVE mixed metaphors!!). Maybe they'd rather not know. But we have a department of 120ish people. And with 1 or 2 new-hire classes of 8 people every month, we're still under-staffed. I just don't understand why they don't care that everyone is leaving.

Well, I've really only got my eye on one job. And when it opens up, I may apply regardless of whether or not it's October. Or maybe I'll just go part-time as a waitress somewhere. I'd probably be making more money... (just kidding Scott...don't have a heart attack!)

Working Late

I had a lousy night at work last night. I got attitude from a secretary on a power trip who thought she was too good to take a call that I had properly screened (my title is not "phone police"). I got attitude from my co-workers. I got attitude on the phone from complete strangers.

And I know that you get what you give. So I guess I must've had a little bit of attitude myself yesterday. Hopefully that's all behind me, because I've already agreed to work 2 hours of OT tonight. Of course, that's nothing compared to the 6 hours extra that Scott is working. Really though, he's getting paid to yell at teenagers, something he'd gladly volunteer for.

Here's what's keeping my head in the game: a possible weekend outing for me and Scott some time in the future -- swimming with manatees! Honestly, there's so much to do in Florida that doesn't revolve around giant mice and rollercoasters. If I'm stuck in the middle of Tourist Haven, I might as well take advantage of what else the state has to offer.

Fruitless Frivolity

Today was one of those days. Not one of those "I shouldn't have gotten out of bed" days, but one of those days where everyone engages in complete silliness for no apparent reason. Today, we built a castle.
We built a castle out of the 9" x 12" boxes used for recycling office paper. First we had to assemble the boxes (a whole lot of fold edge and insert tab A into slot B). That was a legitimate office task done inbetween phone calls. Then we had all of these boxes taking up space at the Help Desk waiting to be put at each workstation. So I built a wall. People would ask what I was doing and I would say, "I'm building a literal wall to go along with my metaphorical one." And when I was done walling myself in, Sandy borrowed the little flags from our training room and Melissa loaned me the frogs to be my sentries. And I made a sign. And, in true princess fashion, I stood within my castle walls and waved to my subjects.

Alas, 6:00 rolled around all too soon. Ginger came into work and needed to get to her desk (which was inside the castle). So we played Godzilla and knocked it all over. And then Beth took the boxes and left one, like the box fairy, at each position. And then there were 45 left over. So we disassembled them.

Some castle stats:
65 boxes
8 folds each
6 flags
1 paper cut
1 bleeding cuticle
only 1 band aid

And believe it or not, in that picture I'm standing completely upright. It truly was like playing with building blocks for grown-ups! I bet Milo would be jealous if he knew. Let's not tell him...

Walk a Mile in Dress Shoes

I don't wear heels. I own heels, but wear them less than once a month. They are "interview shoes," not worth mutilating my feet for on a daily basis. There's a lot of walking potential in my day-to-day work, and it's never a good idea to do that much walking in heels... or in stocking feet.

Anyway, I do still wear dress shoes - ones without laces or thick soles. And that makes things interesting when I decide to go out and walk during my lunch break. I have an hour for lunch, and last night I was dining alone (darn Scott for working!), and decided to go walk around the lot during the second half of my break.

There I was, keeping quite a pace to Pump It! by the Black Eyed Peas, Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson, and some other up-tempo songs (oh how I LOVE this MP3 player!), walking up and down the rows of the parking lot, and the only time I could even tell I was wearing dress shoes was inbetween songs when I could hear the click click click of my shoes on the pavement.

I was out for about 20 minutes, and I have no idea how far I walked, but I'd guess somewhere around 1.2ish miles. How fun! But this morning my feet are a little sore. So I'm going to throw an old pair of sneakers in my trunk so that the next time I get the walking bug I'll be able to go forth and conquer the lot without inflicting permanent damage on my joints.

Anyway, I guess I'm not recommending that anyone walk a mile in my shoes... not even me.

A Night of Daydreaming

Tonight wasn't really as bad as we were anticipating. Seems like the luggage guys were actually prepared for the onslaught. It was actually pleasant, and we had some fun in our down-time.

Twelve of us went in on a lottery pool tonight ($42 million... which, after taxes and taking half off for the lump sum ends up at about $875,000 each) and we had fun spending our imaginary money. First, of course, was the limo ride to Tallahassee with an open bar. We were going to invite two of our favorite reporters from WFTV to chronicle our journey: Berndt Peterson (whose parents named him after the first note of porno music) and Gustavo Almodovar (just to hear him say his name over and over again).

After the requisite buying of cars (and the fiery demolition of my current car), we talked about quitting our jobs by calling the call-in voicemail and saying "I'm calling in F.U." or "I'm calling in filthy rich," or "this is John, Jamie, Jim, Mary, etc. and we're calling in FOREVER."

Then John reminded me that that much money can buy a lot of revenge. And a plan for my money was born. I'm going to buy the two houses on either side of a certain person's house and Scott and I will live in one, and we'll move my mom into the other. We'll constantly be visiting eachother, and having family barbecues every night possible. Perhaps we'll paint our houses crazy colors. I also plan to install some sort of projection system out in front of one of the houses that will show giant family pictures from my childhood on the wall of the house. Maybe we'll employ Mom as a social worker and turn one house into a halfway house for wayward prostitutes. Oh, what a gift we will be to the community!

Granted, if I'm going to buy two houses, I'm going to have to keep my job. But somehow it all seems worth it! But enough about my plans for imaginary money. What do you think of my plans for imaginary money?

Bad Moon Rising

We were warned about 4 days ago that today at work is going to be bad. Today we are expecting a record number of people to use our airport shuttle, and are bracing for a record number of complaints about lost luggage.

I was scheduled to be at the Help Desk tonight, reading my book and answering the occasional call. But Ginger had a vacation day that didn't quite make it onto our calendar. So now instead of being on the desk, I am the one with the cordless phone who troubleshoots everyone's issues and manager requests. And there's going to be a lot of issues and manager requests!

I told Ginger that every time I get a manager request, I'm going to send her an e-mail saying, "damn you!" Of course, then I'll probably get in trouble with the company's IT people. Instead I plan to copy & paste all of the manager requests as they come in and e-mail them to her one by one. She'll get a good laugh when she comes back tomorrow. And I'll feel a little better about my unfortunate change of position.