21 April, 2010

Death and Dismemberment

It's open hunting season here at Casa ParkHopper. As you can see, one of my little hunters is less into the swift and painless death than the Princess Bride "Pit of Despair" version.

Wait, no, that's the wrong Princess Bride reference:

Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.

That just about sums it up. I've got a dismembered cricket - yes cricket, and don't anyone dare try to tell me otherwise - under my dining room table and I'm too grossed out to touch it. If only my little hunters killed for food instead of sport...


mamajoy said...

It's a cricket! Not the kind you hear after a bad joke though ... that kind has 2 working back legs.

wickedmess said...

Definitely a cricket. I refuse to entertain any other possibility. The only reason I made it past to the photo to read the actual post (which I adored) was because I'm CONVINCED that it's a cricket.