What's the Punchline?

Rather than filling this entry with curse words, I'm using the Wacky Mad Libs technique for this entry. every time you see a ____, just fill in whatever adjective you choose. or if you'd like to read it in my own words, substitute the blank spaces with "f-ing."

Today has not been my greatest day. In fact, I'm hard-pressed to remember more than 3 or 4 days in my entire life that were worse than today.

Today started with Scott and I getting up and mobile to run some errands. We had gotten a slip in our mailbox saying that there were nine (yes, nine) packages for me at the post office. So we went to the post office, waited in line for 20 minutes, and got our nine packages. We threw them into the trunk of the car and headed for the Penzoil oil change place.

The oil change was going really well. They didn't try to sell me an air filter or anything like that. Then the guy infomed us that there were "big time leaks" in the ___ transmission. The car hasn't been running perfectly, but I assumed it was because it needed the oil change, or maybe new spark plugs. It turns out the car has been running like crap because I've been driving around with practically no _____ transmission fluid!

So it looks like Monday morning, Scott and I are going to take my poor blessed car back to the _____ guys at Remanufactured Transmission so that they can find and fix the _____ leaks in my _____ transmission without charging me one _____ cent! And hopefully it'll be fixed by Tuesday morning so that Scott won't have to be dropped off at work 2 hours early so that I can go to my _____ gyno appointment in his car.

Back to today. We returned home with the nine _____ boxes from my wicked _____ stepmother and started to open them. In retrospect, I should have just left them closed. Five of the parcels were the contents of the other five drawers I started receiving before. One was more old clothes, including a dress from the 8th grade and my 4th grade dance recital outfit (complete with sequined beret that I wore for the next hour). And one contained possibly the biggest insult to date:

I received two certificates - one was my Presidential Academic Fitness Award from elementary school, and one was the journalism award I won in high school from the American Scholastic Press Association. Both were framed and hung proudly on my wall at some point in the past. Both were returned to me sans frames, sandwiched between other awards from school.

She kept my frames. That _____ bitch isn't returning my property to me, she's only returning what she can't use herself. Not only is that insulting, it's mean and spiteful and absolutely horrid.

This is by far the most hateful thing anyone has ever done to me. So anyone out there who believes in prayer, please pray that I stop hating her. It's not ok to hate, but I'm out of other emotions. To date, I've turned the other cheek 17 times every time I got another box, and at this point, I feel like maybe she deserves to be hated.