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21 January, 2006

Public Service Announcement

If you are an actor, a socialite, a politician, a musician, a professional cheerleader, a Miss America, or aspire to any of these careers, simply abide by the following simple instructions to maintain a long and sex-scandal-free career:
  • Don't have sex on tape. Ever. Black & white does not make your naked @$$ look any more artsy.
  • Don't have sex with your intern. Let me rephrase: don't leave genetic evidence behind if having inappropriate contact with your intern.
  • Don't have sex in public. No, sorry, "in a closed bathroom stall" is still not private. If you do get caught having sex in public, don't get in a brawl.
  • Don't get involved with someone younger... younger than 18, that is.
  • Don't pose for nude photos.

There, that doesn't sound too hard. Does it?

4 comments:

Janette said...

Okay, here's a weird story: I was in a Beef O'Brady's (you know, the FAMILY sports pub chain) about 10 years ago and was an "ear-witness" to a very similar scene as the cheerleader-bathroom stall-sex incident. Unbelievable!!! I went back to my table and very quietly told my adult dining companions what was going on primarily to keep the kidlets we were with from going to the restroom. No one believed me until the "ladies" left the bathroom and they tongue kissed each other all the way to the door. An icky and inappropriate public display no matter the combination of sexes involved.

Anonymous said...

no no!! Don't Tell people this!!! Uhhh... Sex scandals are fun! I have lots of reasons againsed this post, but they are all dirty and innappropriate for blogs such as this.
But I will say, if you do it in public, as posted above, you are open to perverts like me oggling over the walls and probably taking pictures with my camera phone.

Janette said...

Darwin I really don't think they would have cared if you oggled or took pictures. They weren't exactly the shy type! ;P

Anonymous said...

Geez oh MAN! I thought black & white WOULD make my @$$ artsy! Now I'll never be president!